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#1
Apr 15, 2017, 02:19 PM
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starting to think am so alone with my illness ...i feel like av wasted my life because of my illness no kids no work no academics i will not change the world ...very few people will morn me
death seems the only answer ... but its not going to be my time yet ... i have decided to learn more about my illness see how i go from there being mentally ill, Non-Binary and gay ...my husband dont want me to get too political because of my mental illness i get head strong and want to follow what is going on in the world i have mental health professionals telling me to stay away the news i still read or watch the news things going on in the world that needs to have my attetion yes it makes me ill but it also makes me passionate about it Am too unstable to do that at the moment but i learn about my illness and i get better the more chance i can look at this again anyway i got two bpd books online but av forgotten there names ( thats another thing am so forgetful ) but its meant to help people with this illness so hopefully i will find it helpful ( right now i want to read it on my kindle but my husband is shouting at the new memory card for some reason he keeps saying its a ****ing tit ) i hope to read it soon and i'll try and get the names of the books
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 Crypts_Of_The_Mind, FeelingOpaque, Lonlin3zz, subtle lights
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#2
Apr 15, 2017, 03:37 PM
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It's good that you're motivated, to learn more. I think it can be helpful to understand some patterns.
I can relate to the "wasted life" feeling. I choose to believe that no life is wasted though...Even if we "screw up" or do nothing (feel like it). It's still valuable. I've wanted to change the world too...And got very disappointed along the way and felt powerless. And not good enough. But maybe we are already changing it by being different because diversity makes people open up and helps change things 
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 -Astral-
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#3
Apr 15, 2017, 04:14 PM
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thank you for replying and thank you for the hugs kinda need them at the moment my mood has suddenly dropped from determined to upset i find this time of year hard ( easter) due to things in my past...my husband is telling me to try and sleep it off but tomorrow is a hard day for me and i just want to get high , drunk or hurt sorry am falling apart ... i was fine before
 ...
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| FeelingOpaque, subtle lights, Unrigged64072835
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| Lonlin3zz
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#4
Apr 15, 2017, 09:13 PM
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Quote:
I always thought recovery was linear, but in reality, healing is always an up-down process that gets better exponentially. Since you've mentioned that those negative memories of the past are holding you back from learning to enjoy Easter, I'm open to listening bits and bits of stories if you're willing share them with us. We ain't no therapist though. However, certified therapist can offer you guidance while we offer you support, and ultimately you're your own therapist in your life.
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#5
Apr 16, 2017, 09:43 AM
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my dislike for easter is because of abuse by a priest at Easter i found out through flashbacks and nightmares ...i was abused before then by friends of my mother when i was very young i found out through my sister who is 3 years older than me ...from a young age until i was 28 id expedience abuse from others ( rape and taken advantage off ) my husband came into my life and he been here ever since its been 12 years since then we been married 10 years now
my husband is also my carer as am unable to look after myself if it was up to me id stay in bed all day or be online with no day light coming in the house at all and most likely not bathe myself for a week i can very rarely go out on my own as i cant deal with being in public on my own of late i have been interested in others with bpd and the sigma of Bpd and how people with bpd are cared for and how i can help others and help myself
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| crimsoncat, FeelingOpaque, Lonlin3zz, subtle lights
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| Lonlin3zz
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#6
Apr 16, 2017, 10:04 AM
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I'm sorry for all that you went through
 I still think you are very strong, you are fighting, you are here I feel inspired by that.Feel free to PM me whenever you'd like to talk. |
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#7
Apr 17, 2017, 08:50 AM
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Your words are heartfelt to me. No amount of "get your shits together" is gonna work on people like us. It's a continuous battle to chop off the roots of evil, so that we will finally enlighten ourselves and to climb out of the dark, bottomless pit.
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#8
Apr 17, 2017, 06:38 PM
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Quote:
Take care ❤ |
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#9
Apr 17, 2017, 07:15 PM
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Quote:
Unfortunately, abuse in one form or another will be something most people with BPD (myself included) will be able to relate to as that is one of the things that can "cause" BPD along with genetics and traumatic events during childhood like the death of a loved one or being victim to an extreme natural disaster or war, etc. I say that not to minimize your experiences of abuse and trauma, but to encourage you to continue opening up - it helps the healing process. One thing I learned to help me with the healing process - is before I make decisions or as I feel extreme emotions (even if they initially seem legit) to stop and fully examine what it is I am feeling/deciding. What it is I would LIKE to do. What OTHER options I can think if I could possibly do instead. Figure out what the resulting "consequence" of each possible action/decision (including the one I would like to do). Figure out which is the healthiest choice to give me the best possible "consequence" (not all consequences are bad - they can be rewards too, it's merely the reaction to the action or decision you chose). The other was to force myself to stop thinking in terms of absolutes (never, always, all, none, nobody, everybody, etc) and instead replacing those words with "rarely", "most of the time", "most", "few", "few people", "most people", etc. As far as carers go - lean on those close to you for awhile, but do not become dependant on them - push yourself to take back as many responsibilities a little at a time as possible. It's a long journey - but one that's possible! Take care ❤ |
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#10
Apr 17, 2017, 10:20 PM
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Sorry to hear about what you had to go through.
I feel that way often as well - hating to be around people onnthe train because i feel they are all looking and judging me, or just wanting to sleep all day. I know it sounds corny and cliche to say, but just forcing yourself to get up and get that fresh breath of air and feeling the sun on your face while listening to some great music will at the very least make me feel alive, bumps me up a bit for the rest of the day, its worth giving it a try, even if its early when nobodies outside. |
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#11
Apr 18, 2017, 03:49 PM
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Sorry to hear that you went through that.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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