[Rhapsody]

Hello.....

I am here today out of needing to vent a little so I dont say some thing unloving to my husband that I will regret later. But I am just so frustrated with him not getting me and my condition after all these years.........

I can not take one more "but why are you soooo tired" but why are you sleeping all day" --when you havent done nothing........

How many times is a person with severe RA & FIBRO........ with a few other pains disorders and auto immune health problems have to defends themselves to some one that is suppose to know them?

I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE....... I AM ABOUT TO CUSS LIKE A SAILOR!!

[gayleggg]

Some people cannot comphrend the extent of pain and tiredness. My dad never got the pain my mother was in with RA. He always had her doing things to take care of him, who had nothing wrong with him. Her pain was then complicated by COPD and he still didn't get how fagile she was. Some people just never get it. If you feel there may be irratation in my post, it's because I've never quite forgave him. I'm convinced had he taken better care of her she would have not died as soon as she did. I am working toward forgivness but it's not easy. She waited on him hand and foot.

So besure to take the time you need for you and learn to ignore his uneducated remarks.
Bless you.

[healingme4me]

((((Rhapsody))))

It's sad, even with all the information out there, about all these illnesses and conditions, there are some, so mentally stuck in their thoughts, ways, mentality the thought of themselves in the caregiver role behooves them.

If you were having a spell of it, you were having a spell of it. With your conditions there's no way, humanly possible you'll not have crash and burn moments. Too bad he just cannot show empathy.



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[sabby]

Hi Rhap! Long time no see. I'm sorry you are having such difficulties not only with your physical illnesses but with your hubby as well.

I think that for folks who have never had the kind of pain we feel from RA and fibro along with all the other wonderful symptoms have nothing to compare it to. There is no way they can really "get" what it feels like for us.

Of course, a little empathy would go a long long way, and unfortunately, I'm not quite sure how to help you with that one. The only thing I can come up with is to take him to a doctor appt. and let the doctor explain what is going on with you. Maybe that could help? I wonder if his frustration over your illnesses is overriding his ability to be empathetic?

Anyway, know you are in my thoughts and I hope you are feeling better soon!

[-jimi-]

True empathy is HARD WORK. It has nothing to do with what people think is empathy.

I also live with people who over and over forget I am ill. Why am I resting? Why am I SO BORING? I look OK so why can't I keep up? Why can't I do everything they put on me to do since "I'm home all day anyway"?

I sort of realized the only person who will support me is me. I guess I can live with that. I'm not perfect, if I was I'd be healthy. They are not perfect either, I just have to understand that and not ask things of them that are impossible.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks for all the replies everyone..... how I wish my husband felt just an ounce of the understanding I see and can almost touch here. My condition is not going to get better as time (and age) moves on, so I can only pray and ask others to do the same with me that my husband may have a change of heart or at least be able to move past what ever frustration he is holding onto with this matter so he can offer support one day. (((hugs))) 2 me/ and him.

[Flummixed]

Sometimes a little anger can go a long way. I deal with the same things with my pain. Unfortunately I'm only 36 years old so everyone thinks I'm too young to have such horrible pain but I do. I have a blown out back (2 discs) and I don't have RA but I have psoriatic arthritis. Combine that with the fact that I'm probably about 100lbs overweight and it's pretty excruciating at times. I'm hoping for more free time coming up here next month so I can start going to the gym again to get some exercise that I can tolerate without too much pain. Good luck.

[(JD)]

Everyone in my family left me because they "couldn't live with" my pain. Yet I have no place to go to escape.

Even if a pain specialist explains, most family members won't get it.

I think you just have to make some agreements--- that he agrees he doesn't understand and will take you at your word of what you need and how it goes. And you'll agree that you won't expect him to understand?

[Perna]

I'm glad my husband takes responsibility for himself and lets me do the same for myself. If I don't feel like cooking dinner, etc., he certainly doesn't either so we do something else. He does not like to see me worn out because I complain, loudly He is happy to help me with chores when I ask (we both change the sheets on our king-sized bed, for example) and otherwise we work together to make sure our home is how we are both comfortable. "Why" you are tired is not the correct question? "What can I do to help you?" would be better?

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by (JD)

I think you just have to make some agreements--- that he agrees he doesn't understand and will take you at your word of what you need and how it goes.
And you'll agree that you won't expect him to understand?

I have done that after 17 years of pain, but now its his constant unwelcome comments of why didnt you do this, why didnt you do that, why cant you help in the yard, why are sleeping so much this week (ect) that are getting to me, and I am tired of hearing them from his lips, he should know all this by now. If he cant understand my pain then at least give me the respect of being his dear loving wife and not have to hear him complain. I think I might just break one day and the words that will come out of mouth unto his ears will shock.

[lizardlady]

Rap, frankly I don't see a problem with pinning his ears back. You've explained and explained and explained and he still doesn't get it. Maybe losing your temper with him will get his attention.

This is kind of mean of me, but how about the next time he is sick try saying some of the same things he says to you to him. When he responds that he can't because he is sick point out to him that you can't do those things BECAUSE YOU ARE SICK!!!