Originally Posted by Pfrog

Pfrog is feeling right sorry for herself.

Wishing I wasn't so afraid all the time.

It's exhausting!

what are you afraid of?.

something passific?. or just in general

Everything.

All The Time.

It interferes with me getting stuff tended to that needs tended to.

back to the intense pain.

I knew I would be, but was hoping later rather than sooner

oh well, I guess

Employer's LTD carrier already attempting some shenanigans on my claim with them.

Gonna attempt to get that sorted out today.

Failing that, I will reapply with a new claim and go from there.

I'm not going to be railroaded or played for a fool.

Pressing on ...

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Employer's LTD carrier already attempting some shenanigans on my claim with them.

Gonna attempt to get that sorted out today.

Failing that, I will reapply with a new claim and go from there.

I'm not going to be railroaded or played for a fool.

Pressing on ...

hope you are able to get somewhere

let us know

[lizardlady]

Pfrog, I learned something helpful to use when afraid or anxious. It's the difference between "be safe" and "feel safe." Be safe is the world around us. If someone is pointing a gun at me I am not safe, but if nothing in the world around me is threatening my physical self I am safe. Feel safe comes from within. When I am afraid of losing my job because of lack of business I am physically safe. The fear is generated by my thoughts.

Some times making myself stop and assess whether I'm in physical danger helps me curb my fear. I'm in no way trying to minimize your fear. There are damned scary things going on in your life. I'm not always successful at taming my own fears using this, but it does help ground me.

I believe the Covid situation is increasing fear/anxiety for a large part of the population right now. For me at least there is this ever present worry about the virus in the back of my mind. Personally I believe virus fears hit on both an actual physical threat and my thoughts about it. Th er re are days I try to convince myself there is no need to worry because I'm taking all the precautions I can that I still tell myself to F-off and go ahead and be scared.

Feel Safe ... I like that, @lizardlady!

Grounding is good ... I lose my way on that sometimes, so I will remember "feel safe".

I will also remember F-Off for those "special" moments too!

[lizardlady]

I spent the last three days packing, moving furniture and the like for work. My sore muscles have sore muscles. Have at least one more day of this shyte. I can feel a flare building. Going to focus on less physically demanding stuff today.

[lizardlady]

Pfrog, "feel safe" helps me when I start mentally running in circles, waving my hands in the air and freaking out. It doesn't necessarily make the fear go away. It "just" grounds me and helps me shift out of panic mode.

Thank you, @lizardlady ... Getting out of panic mode is something I find difficult to do.

Looking forward to trying this out next time I feel myself heading in that direction.

Packing and moving? Your offices? Again?

I bet your muscles are protesting mightily ...

I think a less physically demanding day is a good plan!

I could hear my bones creaking today as I went about my morning rooteen

that's how much it hurts (or did hurt)

calming down now that I'm not really doing anything

I am dreading tomorrow because it is shower day, and that always makes my pain worse

these things have to be done though, and I'll look forward to coming on here to vent

Venting is good and accepted here!

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Venting is good and accepted here!

well, that's a good thing because I sure do a lot of it. lol

Ya Know, @raging vortex, sometimes that's all that helps!

[lizardlady]

There are days that being able to come here and vent is the only thing that keeps me going. Vent away hon.

[lizardlady]

moving..... I got a phone call last week from the secretary of the school where my office was telling I needed to move out. Admin didn't even have the courtesy to speak to me directly. There was no offer of a new location, just get your stuff out.

I went Monday trying to beat rain. I managed to load EVERYTHING in my office in my truck. It looked kind of like the pictures of people fleeing the Dust Bowl in the 30s, but I was able to get everything in one trip. Drove home hoping I could leave everything in the truck until morning. No such luck! Rain was on the way. I stuffed everything in my living room. I had to turn sideways to slip between things to move around.

Tuesday I had to drive to our team's office. Our lease is up there and we are about to relocate. I had to get some personal things plus I scored a wooden bookcase and some nice metal shelves to have at home. Then helped the boss sort through shyte in the office to throw out. We filled the back of my truck. Was headed home when the skies opened up and poured on me. Luckily I wasn't far from my Mom's so went and parked in her carport. Metal shelves went in the barn. Wooden bookcase got shoved into the living room. I crashed. Fell asleep sitting on the sofa.

Yesterday was spent moving some of my furniture to get stuff from the office where it belonged. Spent this morning sorting through things I brought home, getting rid of a bunch of stuff. Then shifted more furniture around. Still have a few more pieces of furniture to move. Then, hopefully, that will be the last of the donkey work.

When I get myself involved in this kind of project I have a friend who says "You know you're not 20 years old anymore." Today my body is reminding me we are not 20 anymore

THAT is A LOT of WORK, @lizardlady!

Hopefully you sleep like a rock tonight and wake up not too sore!

As far as not being 20 anymore, we can't help it if our bodies desentegrated before our minds did!

in pain after my shower today.

basically what I expected today to look like

[lizardlady]

My knees and hips (arthritis) are screaming at me today over all I did this week. I have hot packs fastooning my bod trying to relax muscle spasms.

I'm sorry the pain is bad, y'all ...

If I could make it all better, I would!

it is a high pain day, and it is not what I need because I spent the night having really intense flashbacks and doubting my safety (really, really intense). I'd just like to move about like a regular human being for once and not creak (I'm in my 20's and by bones creak). that is bad in itself

think I'm okay apart from that, just chilling on here, checking other emails- then I'm going to watch some catch up tv from yesterday

and I have my fan on: this is always a bonus

Pfrog wishes she wasn't such a worrywart ...

[lizardlady]

Want to talk about it Pfrog?

Yes, thanks @lizardlady ...

MetLife cancelled my disability claim with them and I will have to reapply in September.

I think I understand the reason(s) behind it, but am not feeling very confident it will be approved.

In the meantime, my application for social security disability is in progress.

My doctor(s) keep encouraging me to have surgery, but - I. JUST. CANNOT. GO. THERE.

This has to do with long-term trauma, triggers and dissociation.

If I refuse the surgery then social security can, and most likely will, deny my claim with them as well.

The disability process already seems to be over before it's even gotten started!

Feeling totally defeated and utterly alone ...