I can't do this anymore!!

I am so sick of trying to figure this out. It's been almost 2yrs now, and I still have flash backs, I still have panic attacks, and I still feel like s.....t just about all of the time. When will they stop?????? I need peace, my head is so speedy, I hurt, I can't get it to stop... so frustrated with myself. What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I so stuck... and I want off my meds... I don't think they are helping... AT ALL....

My T says there are folks that have gone through what I have gone through, and have PTSD, and actually get through it, heal, and are well... I have yet to meet someone who has..

Hi harley2,
I am sorry that you are still struggling with PTSD. I am too and it is not easy to overcome it. I have panic attacks too and I agree that they are the worst and seem to come from no where. I had a decent day yesterday and worked and got home and was tending to my horses and one just hit and I had to stop and sit down.

I usually am pretty good at handling the triggers that bring one on, but yesterday I don't know what happened it just came. I have been able to minimize the flashbacks and havent had one for over a month now.

I have to confess that I am still struggling with PTSD and have had it for a while.
But, I was not aware of how much it was effecting me until the last year. I have been trying to understand it better and deal with it and it is a very slow process.
And I have to admit that I haven't had a good therpist yet that has really helped me.
I have been seeing a new one and am not sure he is helping much either but it is still to early to tell.

Most of my time has been directed towards trying to look at my past and recognize the experiences that I thought I had coped with and I guess I hadn't . I am making efforts to consciously deal with them separately and there is a lot so it is taking me time.

Are you experiencing something stressful now that could be making it hard for you to
put things from your past in a place in your mind where you have dealt with them?

I know my biggest problem is that I am trapped in an event that really broke me.
And I am still paying for it everyday and I have to work to keep paying on the expense of something that was caused by someones neglegence.

So what is going on in your life today that may be making your past difficult to overcome and move on? That is one consideration. You have to understand all your triggers. What are your flashbacks saying, I learned things from mine and had to consciously address them with all the events and sounds and what I saw in them.

Open Eyes

Yes you can do it.
Stop trying to figure it out, you never will- it just is.
And it's ok to feel like s**t , you can feel however you want to feel, be kind to yourself.
Tomorrow will be better

with therapy and patience i've learned what my triggers are. that has reduced the severity over time a lot. yes i get triggered sometimes. then i ask myself am i in real danger or is this just a trigger Tthat can result into an episode? so i use logic to battle the ptsd. if i could get better-and it wasn't overnite-i believe you can too. but first try to put down the armor of feeling you can never get better.

(((((Harley)))))

I can't say for sure it goes away, I understand how you feel though. I seem to have several days myself where I seem to feel better and then if I get too much all at once I just can't seem to deal with it all. And yes it is exhausting at times and I get angry about it too. I was thinking it might be so hard right now because of the lawsuit that is hanging on and an upcoming depositon that, even though I want to just get through it, my brain just sinks at the thought of it. And I honestly hate that.

Can you track some of the things that drag you down? That is what I have been trying to do.

Open Eyes

My son suffered from PTSD and a TBI, so his case is a little different. But I, personally, have seen a difference with him after therapy and treatments. He didn't like the meds they had him on at first, so he asked to switch and he started doing HBOT. Right now his PTSD and TBI is manageable and he seems a lot better. Still not exactly like he was before, but no one goes through life unchanged. I'd suggest maybe talking to your therapist about trying different meds if you really don't like them, but don't stop them on your own.

My husband didnt know he had ptsd until about a month ago. The symptoms were in full effect after we got off of 30 days of leave. I have mild ptsd from an abortion at an early and from combat in the military. My husband is having a hard time ... I told him it gets worse before it gets better. He has made many medication changes within a short period of time. I do believe that I had slight Ocd before the army, ptsd and I was always very shy. With my Ets coming up in a week. I still have no job. My extreme anxiety/panic attacks, phobias, ptsd, ocd, and depression kicked in at full force about two months ago. The psychiatrists are still trying to figure out which illness or illnesses are causing all of these symptoms. I'm just so down on myself and discouraged because I am miserable. I don't want to be like this. My husband has had some of the same symptoms...anxiety/panic attacks, flashbacks... among other things. He is also down on himself because he doesn't want to be like this. The military is just horrible for some people. Anyone with inspiration out there? We both need it and want to feel accepted.. because there is so much stigma out there.

Hey harley2 and I had PTSD and got through it and it took a lot of work but I got through it and I am convinced it's gone because what used to trigger me where I don't remember, I now do the things I wrote down on a small note pad that I used for when I got triggered. Finding what is causing you to flashback and when I figured that out then avoiding happened. Flashing lights was my huge one. Anyway, am I the first person you met that has went through it and got through it. However it's different for everyone.

There is a PTSD group you can come to that starts at 9:00 and it will be in the chats but below in a "room made" stating it is PTSD Group Chat that is on Monday nights at 9:00 to 10:00 pm est. A place where people can come and be supported while being supported themselves in a positive way.

I wish you only the best, Crew

hi. i'm struggling too. idk what to say that would be helpful, but know that you aren't alone. ♥

I hear you - other than the panic attacks, what you are describing is where I was after Vietnam. I got so ticked off at the lack of help (there was no "PTSD" diagnosis until 1980, btw, and no one at the VA seemed to know what to do other than prescribe pills) that I eventually became a counselor then a psychologist. So I was Marines, '65-'72, and recently ANG ('06-'09). I got nothing to sell and I'm not recruiting clients. I just want to supply some info. There are therapies that have been researched and found to cure PTSD (no meds have been so found). In fact, the DoD and the DVA reviewed all the existing research and in 2004 and again in 2010 identified those therapies (as have numerous national and international organizations, boards of mental health, and agencies). In fact, for the past several years the Army has had a training program in these therapies for its mental health people (counselors from the other services and the VA have attended the trainings). The therapies are usually referred to by their initials: EMDR, CPT, and PE. Here's some important info:
1. If anyone tells you one or the other of these therapies doesn't work or hasn't been researched, they got it wrong. Tons of research and tons of clinical experience show they do. Not all therapists know how to use them, so look for someone who has been trained.
2. The goal of therapy (any therapy) is not to forget - that's impossible. A reasonable goal is to resolve the issue: If I don't feel like I have a right to be alive, that's the issue. I don't want to forget because what I went through was too important.
3. You are not alone. Don't make the mistake that a lot of us 'Nam vets did. We got separated and many of us thought we were the only ones suffering - you're doing the right thing making contact with folks here (hell, we didn't even have the internet in the '70's) but don't limit it to your computer screen. Get with people, maybe starting with other vets 'cause it's easier to make that bridge.
4. Do not quit. What you are going through is not insignificant - it's huge and important. So the first therapy or therapist you hook up with might not work. Like in the sandbox, don't quit - one foot in front of another until it gets done. There it was the mission that had to get done. Well, there's still a mission: to bring everyone home.
5. And when you make it - and you will; no matter what anyone tells you, we know enough about the brain nowadays that we know PTSD is curable - you turn around and help a brother or sister make it. They'll listen to you because you've done it.

EMDR is one of the therapies with a lot of research. With it you don't have to talk about the event in detail and there's no homework to do. There's an eye movement component that's been studied a lot lately and makes images and emotions less disturbing. Once the treatment is done the war is over. It's not available at all VAs but there is free treatment available at different outside agencies. Since there is no homework one of the locations gives sessions morning and afternoon so you can be finished with treatment in a week or two. You can find out more by calling the Soldier Center which is run by a retired army officer (931) 553-6981

Also, there is a new book Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy

It includes stories from combat veterans that they give to explain reactions and what they went through and where they got through the therapy. There are also techniques to use immediately to help deal with negative thoughts and feelings. The techniques can make life manageable, but the therapy can lay things to rest