[Sabrina]

What happens when someone puts you on ignore, do they get your PM's?

[Flooded]

Dunno. Want me to ignore you and find out?

[sabby]

When you put someone on ignore, you cannot receive pm's from them.

If you are in chat and you have someone on ignore on the forums, it does not ignore them in chat. You have to choose to ignore them in chat everytime you enter a chat room and that individual is there.

[Sabrina]

But what happens to the PM's that are being sent then. Are they just lost in the system?

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Sabrina

But what happens to the PM's that are being sent then. Are they just lost in the system?

As far as I can determine (based on one test) -- yes.

[lynn P.]

I don't know if the PM's just get discarded. All I know is, if you write one and click submit.... a message will come up saying the person isn't accepting PM's. When you have a member on ignore you can see their name and the fact they posted but not the post - there's is the option to look if you want. I'm a curious person and can't resist the urge to look lol.

I should also point out that there's an option on settings where member can choose to receive PM's from all or JUST their contacts, administration and moderators. This is different that being on someones ignore list.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

I don't know if the PM's just get discarded. All I know is, if you write one and click submit.... a message will come up saying the person isn't accepting PM's.

No such message came up during the test (conducted in the last hour). A copy of the PM did appear in the sender's "Sent" folder. The addressee got no notification of the PM and could see no trace of it, even after taking the sender off "Ignore".

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by FooZe

No such message came up during the test (conducted in the last hour). A copy of the PM did appear in the sender's "Sent" folder. The addressee got no notification of the PM and could see no trace of it, even after taking the sender off "Ignore".

I might be wrong. Once a member had me on ignore and I didn't know. When I tried to send the PM it didn't go through and I thought a message came up. Now I'm curious lol. I don't have anyone on ignore ATM and feel guilty using it - I know that's silly. I'm going to ask a friend to put me on ignore and test it. I get back to you.

[lynn P.]

Turned out I told a friend I wanted to test the ignore feature so I put her on ignore and she said nothing came up when she tried to send a PM. I thought when this really happened a while back to me that it notified me the PM couldn't go through but didn't state the reason though. So I think you're correct FooZe. It should say something, otherwise someone could be sending endless PM's thinking the other persons getting them...hmmm.

[Open Eyes]

So do you even know if you are someone's ignore list? Are you notified that someone put you on ignore?

I have never put someone on ignore either, so I have no idea. I just figure if someone says something mean to me I listen and let the person vent it out.
I just figure that if someone doesn't like me and they tell me and I see they might have been abused or have a certain issue with being social, well then why not let them practice telling me off? I know it sounds strange but I have to consider that this is, after all, a support site. So if someone tells me off and I know they may need to learn how to set boundaries than by letting them do that with me it can be one way I can give them support.

And if something bothers or upsets me that is a form of support too, because with what I have I need to know what things bother or trigger me so I can work on them.
That is one reason I came here, to honestly put myself out there and see what happens. And if I know someone is angry at me, I always appologize and try to find out why. I can't help someone else if I don't understand how I hurt them and the opposite is true, maybe someone else misunderstood me or had a bad day and I was just in the right line of fire so to speak, I learn from that too and hopefully so do they.

I like having friends where we agree to disagree too and yet we check in to make sure everything is ok, I think that is cool and it allows us to just be who we are and have our own opinions and yet still be friends and agree on other things too. It is impossible to agree with everyone on everything and we should be able to voice our personal opinions without feeling that we are going to be hated or ostrasized in some way.

In general PC is a very supportive friendly site, some may need extra help and understanding than others and we must all keep that in mind. If there is a small group within the site that needs to be that way than so be it, it may be the only way the people within that group can function or feel safe somehow. And if someone comes across that then it is best to just know it and move on to people here that are more supportive in other ways.

While it is important to be able to use the site and get support and give support it is important to remember that as is said here in another post each of us are unique and have unique needs.

LOL for all I know I could be on several ignore lists, it would not be the first time in my life. But usually I come across that when someone tries to use me and it doesn't work or if they lie and I don't believe them, or if I call them out when no one else will, like reporting child or animal abuse. I can think of a clique where one of the higher clique members was neglecting her animals. Everyone knew I am the type that will have the courage to actually say something so they talk to me about it. I say something and the person was embarassed into taking better care of the animals and after that was accomplished they all went on with the clique and ignored me. I don't care who is who and it is not the be all and end all to be in a clique, I am not afraid to call a spade a spade. I would rather children get better attention and animals get fed and watered and housed properly than to be with people who notice but are too afraid to call it.

I don't have experience on other sites but from what I hear this site is more people friendly and supportive.

Open Eyes

[Sabrina]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Turned out I told a friend I wanted to test the ignore feature so I put her on ignore and she said nothing came up when she tried to send a PM. I thought when this really happened a while back to me that it notified me the PM couldn't go through but didn't state the reason though. So I think you're correct FooZe. It should say something, otherwise someone could be sending endless PM's thinking the other persons getting them...hmmm.

That's exactly what I think might be happening. I am sending all these PM's and it makes no sense that they are not being answered other than that this member probably has me on ignore. All my PM's are showing as sent but I'm probably wasting my time.

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

So do you even know if you are someone's ignore list? Are you notified that someone put you on ignore?

No, you would not be informed if you were put on someone's Ignore List, unless they informed you before they did it.

[Gus1234U]

Open Eyes, i would hope you copy this post to the General Social Chat forum, where more people might see it and contemplate this (astonishing wisdom, to me). I think this is one of the most profound posts i've read in the forums. Thanks for taking the time to say it. Gus

[lynn P.]

Yes Open Eyes - I liked your post too. You and I had a little problem and we both solved it in PM's. I would rather talk things out too. As I said before I was on a members ignore list and I also used it for a day - but I'm happy to say we're now friends. I thought when I tried to send her a PM, a message did come up - but MAYBE she adjusted her setting to only get PM's from contacts(meaning friends) and that's why a message came up. So I think I solved my own mystery - that a message only comes up if someone adjusts setting to receive PM's only from friends on the list.

LOL I've been trying to do my own experiment with a couple friends. If someone is on the ignore list, I think there should be some kind of simple message saying your PM can't be sent - not a message saying you're on the banished ignore list lol.....otherwise they will keeping sending messages not knowing if they're being received.

[Open Eyes]

Well I am glad that people are NOT informed if they are on an ignore list. I think that is a wise decision. Because it could be used inappropriately and it is better that someone who is here for support be able to just post their concerns freely.

If you take the time and look at the forum of new comers there are often appologies after an expression of a need. So I know some people have to muster up a lot of courage to post or write very much at all. So I often post answers that, as most know by now, are very wordy. But it is often my way to show them, see, you can talk alot here, it ok. So for me, it is like watering a plant and watching it grow.

I can't tell you how many times someone has said something that has made me think about my own issue and try to address it. When I first came here I was so riddled with anxiety that I truely needed to just sit and talk on PC. I did not understand what I had, not truely, and it was scarey. I was always a very strong person and it just hit me and disabled me so. And PC really help to ground me and get my mind working on something besides the crippling anxiety. And some mornings I would wake up with terrible thoughts and so much sadness. So, I would come to PC every morning and put out as many good thoughts as I could, things that were part of who I was. I was finally told that I was in a very depressive stage of PTSD and I couldn't really understand that either. So instead of embacing the sadness I fought my way with every possible positive thought I could muster.

If I had been told that I was on ignore during that time, it would have interupted me from doing something I truely needed to do. People who suffer are very fragile and embarrassed, I know I was. And that is what we have to remember here at PC.
I know that unless you have PTSD, you just don't understand it and it is the hardest thing to explain. I work at that all the time, it can be such a dark scarey lonely hole that someone just seems to step into without any warning. And as you try to work at it often you seem to sink even deeper. And then when you hear a voice that says "ME TOO" it is like an incredible ray of light that brings so much hope. Because outside PC everyone that looks at you can't seem to understand you and it makes you want to hide in a corner somewhere because it can be so embarrassing. And yet it makes you angry because it has somehow taken some strong part of you that you cant seem to grab onto. And how do you explain a flashback when you are trapped in an event and you can't even talk and everyone just stares at you. So you don't want to really be around people because you don't understand why it happens or when it will happen. But there is one place you can go where someone is there and they know what it feels like and you start to read ways of dealing with it. I know for me, I couldn't find a therapist that specialized in PTSD so PC was all I had until I finally found a therapist that knew how to treat it.

So I don't think the ignore should ever be displayed to someone who is struggling here at PC. But it is a good thing to have if someone is stuggling and someone else picks on them or doesn't believe in what they have. As I mentioned I never used ignore because I wanted to be triggered, I wanted to know every nook and crany of what might cause a flashback or disable me. I have to see the beast in order to fight it. And no one here can look at me when I am suffering so I am not embarrassed.

And out of the fog of my struggles came friendly hugs and supportive people that are some of nicest people I have ever met. Suddenly there were these little life lines being thrown into my hole. And then someone was there to tell me that I had a bad day. Can you imagine? Someone could actually sense in my often long posts that I was having a bad day and this person even told me when I was having a better day.
And when your in a dark hole it is awfully nice to hear that because sometimes it can get so dark and confusing your not really sure.

So, I think that someone has to really think about using that ignore button and also you have to respect it too. It doesn't always mean your a bad person if you are being ignored, maybe someone just doesn't understand you.

While I may not understand everyone elses issues in PC, I do know what it feels like to not be understood. And I also know how important those life lines are for anyone who is struggling with any issue.

Open Eyes

I have no idea what happens. I have a built in switch in my brain.

It works rather well. --------------------------------------------Pax theo

[ECHOES]

Just another perspective about the ignore option.
When I first came to PC, I put several people on ignore for a while because of MY reactions to their posts. I felt like I was getting to be combative in my replies because I was being intolerant of the others having a different opinion than mine. So, because I was having trouble controlling my own knee-jerk reacting, and having embarrassed myself a few times , I thought this would be a good idea. To my knowledge, no one has ever known I had them on ignore.

I no longer feel a need to do this, part of my own growth I think.

Some PCers use ignore to avoid being confronted with triggers that are disturbing to them. I think that's good self care. Self care is each person's top priority. We can't be here for others if we are not here for ourselves first.

[Sabrina]

I didn't really want to start a debate about the ignore function. All I wanted to know was if the person doing the ignoring still receives PM's. I have sent PM's to someone I suspect has me on ignore and they are sitting in my sent items but I have no idea whether she received them or not.

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by Sabrina

That's exactly what I think might be happening. I am sending all these PM's and it makes no sense that they are not being answered other than that this member probably has me on ignore. All my PM's are showing as sent but I'm probably wasting my time.

Send some to me darling, I'll reply

[ECHOES]

Sabrina, I apologize if my post was not in the same vein as your original post.
I think this has been a very informative thread and I'm glad you started it.

Another possibility about your situation is that the person you sent the PM to doesn't check her inbox or receive notifications that she has messages. It might be something she just doesn't care to use.

[Open Eyes]

Sabrina, I know you never expected your simple question to turn into an outlet for people to express not just that simple technical aspect of ignore but also what is felt about it.

And that is what can happen in any thread. Any thread can take on a life of its own and sometimes be an outlet for a kind of therapy or an opportunity for different members to express more than just a yes or no type of answer. So in a way your simple question grew into a thread where members could see opinions about not only the simple answer, but what ignore means to different people and how they view it and some of the deeper questions that someone might have other than a yes or no.

So it is not just about what it is, it is also about how it feels to different people. And for anyone coming here it expresses different reasons someone may put them on ignore.

ECHOES had a honest good answer for a reason ignore is used. And someone else could read that and say to themselves, yes, that would probably help me too because I am being triggered and some things I just can't see. And she also added that in her healing process she was finally able to lift the ignores.

It is not really a debate Sabrina. It is just an opportunity to see and understand how and why it can be utlized and what it might mean when someone like you sends a PM and you find out you are on ignore. It is not telling you how to feel Sabrina and it is not saying how you personally feel about it. And you don't even have to actually express how you feel about it. But it does give you the option to think more about how different members here use and feel about it.

So, you ended up with the answer to a simple question and so, so, much more.

Open Eyes

[lynn P.]

I think its a very good question Sabrina asked and I was also curious what happened when we send a PM to someone who might have us on ignore. I thought it did send a message saying "not receiving PM's" when I tried this several months, but what I think happened is - there's the option to receive PM's from all members even if they're not on the friend list or a person can limit it to 'just friends'. So if I send a PM to a member who's not on their friend list and they have this setting...then a message will come up saying this member can't receive this PM. I assumed it was because I was on the members ignore list. BTW me and that member are now peaceful friends.

I do think it would be okay to at least have a simple message - not necessarily saying "you're on ignore" lol...that way the sender doesn't think they're going through.

[Gus1234U]

Open Eyes, there is a lot of ignorance going on in the world, it seems to me we ought to be a little more used to it... i would be interested in how you developed the skills you use to tolerate being attacked and abused (with or without cause), and what those skills are. but again, i really think this is a conversation that would better be taking place in the General Social Chat Forum. it's been a pleasure getting to know you. best wishes,, Gus

[(JD)]

Just FYI there is an option at the bottom of each PM you are going to send ...to receive a notice that they've read the PM. Click that. You do have to check in a different area of the PM "inbox" for confirmations though.

One thing that is important is to realize that you can send PMs to someone on your own ignore list, and that prevents them from replying to your PM. This is a no-no for the site guidelines, so be sure to check your own ignore list if it's someone you may have had issues with in the past, but wish to communicate with now???

There is an option for a member to refuse ALL PMs and when that is set, you used to receive a pop-up stating that info when you try to send that member a PM.

[Open Eyes]

Thanks gus, the answer is pretty sad, are you sure you want to know?
I had no choice but to learn it, from age two.

I was the victim of an abused child. And I saw how he was abused and misunderstood and I saw the incredible pain he was in, an most likely is still in pain today from that past.
I saw this little boy endure so many terrible things and I saw all the emotions it caused in him.
I was very frightened of him and yet I truely felt sorry for him and somehow I understood when to run as I could see that he had reached a breaking point and there was no where to expell the incredible load of emotional pain other than on me.

And I was also controled by another sibling that hated him and had issues too.
I don't even know what the worst part was, because the bus ride every day was so tormenting and I just could not understand the amount of cruelty directed at my brother. As long as I live I will never forget the pain in his face an how much he struggled. I don't even know how I learned anything in school because I was always so frightened and my focus was not on learning but surviving getting to school and the ride home and then surviving the days when no one was there to protect me.

I always had this burning question of "WHY" and that was my quest. And I got to know every part of my family unit and as I did that I learned about the children within my parents who were abandoned, or raised in atmospheres where they were devalued and there was no real sense of being loved or knowing real safety.

Through my life I began to realize that for every person there was a child that struggled in some way. And most people go to great lengths to hide that because they are often secretly ashamed of it or they don't really understand it or recognize it.

I was a victim of abuse many times in my life and there were many times that I had to conceal it. And there were still many times I was left with trying to understand it. And there were many times still that I never saw it coming. And I began to realize that every single person was a puzzle and they were all different. And for some reason people shared things with me that were very deep and private that they never told anyone else. I dont know wether I had a gift or it was just that I stopped and listened, maybe both.

People have scared me to the depths of me and yet they have never ceased to facinate me.

And I worked with a lot of children too and I did that since I was 12 years old. I was the best babysitter and in high demand because I really paid attention to children and they liked the fact that I listened and took time to sing to them, read to them, entertain them and know them.

I know one of my big triggers is when children or adults join together and pick on someone. I do not like it and I would never participate in it so I never really joined a click even when I was asked. I have come across too many adults and children in my life that have been on the receiving end of that and I have seen a lot of needless pain. I have spent a lot of time with children, wonderful children that were picked on and it became a part of how I taught riding and every child had a long walk down my driveway and I would slowly pry away until I found the problem, and there was always some kind of struggle in every child.

The tolerance I have is that I took a lot of time to understand people. And everyone behaves the way they do for a reason. And it doesn't matter wether it is a doctor, dentist, lawyer, psychologist, blue collar, white collar, catholic, jewish, muslim, athiest, independantly spiritual, yellow, black, hispanic, puertorican, chinese, japanese, indian, portugese, or whatever, it is there. And if people are in a group and pick at others they learn NOTHING and they NEVER BUILD TOLERANCE INDEPENDANTLY. And yet for many people, they feel that if they are not in a group they are not worthy and there is so much language around that. It is always the same language too, "My pretend face", "I was laughed at for my idea", "I don't want to be around anyone anymore, I was never good enough, what is wrong with me, I failed, I give up."

A word "Ignore" means a lot now doesnt it?

Nothing in my life has ever effected me as much as coming to PC. There are so many lost children here in PC, all in one place that when I first came here I cried a lot. And I also knew when I came here "THAT I WAS ONE OF THEM".

I had lost my lesson business and I stepped into this big hole as I described earlier and this was one place that I looked for the reason and I also got to reach out like I did with the children, because I did miss that. And I exposed myself in a way I had never done before. And that included finding the courage to talk about many secrets that I had hid for many years.

Someone PM'd me today and asked how I was doing and said it seemed like I was doing better and that I was making more sense in my posts. And this person described my early posts like they were a locomotion of thoughts that were hard to follow. Yes, that is a very accurate description and how PTSD was effecting me and what was going on in my life outside PC.

Part of me was here, and part of me was very broken and frightened. And I know it is like that for others too, I can see it. So every single person that comes to PC "NEEDS SUPPORT" something is not right and "THEY ARE ASKING FOR HELP AND APPOLGIZING TOO".

And to each and every one of them "IGNORE" means something different.

And there is nothing that pleases me more as when I see someone I know is struggling find the courage and post. Or, if someone finds the courage to start a thread, and best of all, when someone says they feel better and they are glad they came here and THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. And something that makes me ANGRY is when someone gets picked on and they are crying and asking why in a post, "That is a big trigger for me because it reminds me of that school bus and a little child that was tormented and badly abused for something that was never his fault." And I know that that child is still tormented to this day and truely struggles deep inside.

Open Eyes