[Jmatalik]

i don't even know where to begin past my introduction post... Which hasn't posted yet.. I need help. Someone who can understand at least a little

[Crazy Hitch]

Hello Jmatalik

At the time of this response; you currently have 3 posts here on psychcentral - if you have posted more; these will come through in time.

1. New Member Introduction where you introduced yourself.
2. A post under post traumatic stress disorder
3. This post called "Angry" that you have posted under complex PTSD

I see that you are looking for support for PTSD.

Please can you tell us what areas of this Disorder you are seeking help with.



Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder | Psych Central

Types of PTSD | Psych Central

Complex PTSD and the Realm of Dissociation | Psych Central Professional

Myths & Facts about PTSD | Psych Central

we're here to listen to you any time any day.

[Jmatalik]

Probably all of them to be honest.... How long does it take for my posts to show? Thank you for the hugs!!!! Hugs to you both as well

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[Jmatalik]

I just read Complex PTSD and the realm of Dissociation... Burst into tears... Tired of feeling like this, not remembering, people think I'm crazy... I can't express things the right way and I can't trust people

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[Jmatalik]

Is there a support group for people with PTSD and dissociative disorders? One that talk about the memory loss and well getting lost in your head

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[SoupDragon]

Welcome to PC. Hope you find the support you are looking for on here.

I just wanted to say that I was in a very difficult place 5 years ago and recently I have been able to look back and realise that I have made good progress, a little wobbly at times, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Can definitely relate to memory loss and getting lost in my head (I have been known to get lost when out walking).

Soup

[Jmatalik]

Thank you! I hope so too.. I'm definitely in the thick of right now.. Hopefully it gets better

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[Open Eyes]

Hi Jmatalik, welcome to PC and the PTSD forums.

Are you working with a PTSD therapist?

Feeling lonely is common with those struggling with PTSD, it's difficult to find someone who understands, or can relate to the challenge.

I hope you stopped the medications under supervision and your therapist knows. I have disassociated to, and I did not realize I was doing that either. Most who struggle with PTSD or complex PTSD have a hard time "trusting". It depends on one's history and how much that individual has experienced their boundaries invaded or been let down or hurt by others.

Anger is a common challenge with PTSD too.

Can you tell us some more about yourself, are you living with family, married, etc.?

When I read about complex PTSD, I cried too. However, be grateful that the challenge is acknowledged and you can get therapy for it. I don't know what people did that suffered with no help tbh.

Have you had any DBT or EMDR therapies? What kind of therapy are you doing now?

((Welcoming Supportive Hugs))
OE

[Jmatalik]

I actually stopped them myself last summer. Things sort of stopped making sense. Too many reoccurring patterns and my emotions were crazy... Sometimes too happy. They had me on so many meds because I had been lying and not wanting to deal with what's happened in my life. So taking mood stabilizers, anxiety, anti depressants, sleep aides... You name it is what I did. I didn't cope or deal. I was a robot performing basic functions.
I did this for more than 13 years. I worked as many jobs as possible, drank when I could at night... Anyway last summer I slowed down.. I remembered some things, so I slowly stopped my meds..... I decided to go back to school.... But I also realized that if I don't start to deal with what has happened it doesn't matter what I do I will never find peace, I'll never be free, have a decent relationship with an actual nice human being lol!
Life is precious. It can be stopped at any moment. I would rather try and live mine the way I want to live it. Follow my passions and dreams, not let others control my universe.

I am working with a therapist, and I am being honest. About Everything. I also go to DBT group once a week. So this is a lot for me. Therapy 2 a week, plus I have my oldest in therapy so it's actually more like 3 times a week.
I feel crazy most of the time and emotionally drained.
Group is hard. No else there has PTSD, I find it hard to connect. But unless I'm out having fun it's hard for me to connect with anyone on a serious note.

I got divorced a couple years ago, lost my house pretty much everything to a catholic man that though it was ok to punch me in the face for wanting to go back to school. Even after that I stayed. Until New Years two years ago when he left bruises on my oldest back. He left and said he couldn't deal with us anymore.
This time I went to the police and pressed charges. Got a restraining order. Did what I should have done long before.

So I live in my parents basement at 35 with three children. My oldest is from my first marriage (so is most of my trauma) she is 14, with Mr Holy I had two more. Ages 6 and 4.

I did by my dream car. A jeep. I stopped working full time to go back to school and spend more time with my kids. While I was married to Mr Holy I stayed home with them and didn't work. I wasn't aloud too.

My parents do not understand what I am going through nor do they try. But regardless of what they think of me or they way I parent I know I am good person. They asked me to move back so I wouldn't be homeless. Because I couldn't afford to keep the house. So I am trying to make the best out of one hell of a messed up situation to fix my brain.... Get a good education... Travel... Try to find me again. I am selfish about it I guess. I don't want to feel caged anymore.

It's hard for me to even be a parent. I'm here but I'm not. I love them with everything I have. But it's hard. I don't want to do it sometimes. Between the migraines, memory loss, mood swings, I just wish there was a beautiful place to go by the beach. A hospital or center for people with PTSD. Where you stay and have a safe place to work on yourself.. Where you can let go let out the emotions you trap inside..... No responsibility other than yourself... Then slowly integrate yourself back into life...

Well there is part well most of my story
So in a nutshell I'm a crazy 35 yr old whom lives in a basement with 3 kids.

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[Jmatalik]

Oh and I also help some guys I worked with in a restoration shop.. We build cars for the drag strip. The old nostalgic ones and some funny cars too. I just got back in touch with the guys so they have been letting me come help.. Which is good because it is a passion of mine. And I volunteer on Fridays at a local social service place that provides hot meals and necessities for those who need it.

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[Jmatalik]

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[Jmatalik]

I went to an open house at the old shop I worked at very long ago and that's a 60 vet we did that won first place.. Most of the tail end of the car is fabricated by hand.

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[Open Eyes]

Wow that's a beautiful old vet. You are a pretty young woman and 35 is still young, glad to know you were strong and got away from an abusive man.

I know what you mean about wanting to get away, someplace nice where you can just focus on yourself, that is what I had wanted myself. Well, unless one has a lot of money, those places don't exist anymore.

I know, many parents/family members don't understand PTSD. Yes, I know all about the emotions/mood swings I struggle with them myself. It is good that you are stepping out, helping the guys work on cars, and donating time, being with friendly people does help, isolating tends to keep one in the past and not the now.

You have had your boundaries seriously invaded, it's going to take you time to develop skills to establish better boundaries now. You did the right thing by finally standing up for yourself, going to the police and getting a retraining order, good for you.

It doesn't matter that you live in your parent's basement, you are safe and so are your children. You taught your children and important message/lesson, LEAVE, don't take abuse from 'ANYONE". Do your best to make that basement a home, you can get creative with it, it will teach your children how to be "resourceful". Just tell them you love them, they are too young to really understand your challenges.

I can't stress enough, "patience and self care", PTSD is no cake walk, it's not your fault, so your self care is important.

(((Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE

[Jmatalik]

Thank you so much. And no it isn't a cake walk at all! But the guys are good to me and see my talent and passion. So it feels really good. And I have tried to make the basement my own.. I get pretty creative...

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