CPTSD EMDR and Relationship Difficulties

Currently really, really struggling...Started EMDR and had 2 treatments so far, both of which have been really good (albeit tough).

Coming home to relationship difficulties makes it all so hard.

When I first realised just how traumatised I had been by emotional/psychological (and ? perhaps yet to emerge...) abuse as a child, I arranged to see a trauma therapist and work with EMDR. My partner returned home from a few days away, and I shared the news of my forthcoming appointment with her - only to have her immediately reply that perhaps she should see the same therapist, also have EMDR and, oh by the way, she had also been abused as a child.

We have been together 18 years. I am so glad - for her - that she has finally told someone, but why then? (She is seeing a therapist, but a different one - and mine simply wouldn't see her because of BACP protocol anyway)

Now, 4 weeks later, she is constantly searching online about PTSD for herself. I feel utterly and completely hijacked.....

Whenever I share something personal, she has a reply of her own to make about her own feelings.

She chooses to tackle a difficult question via Facebook when I am over visiting my parents (now late 70s/early80s), knowing how difficult that visit would be.

She chooses to ask another difficult question when I am about to go to work AND have just seen an email from my father land in my Inbox - and had told her it had arrived.

I should add, I essentially a highly compassionate person, capable of true empathy. I generally put other peoples needs before my own - because I have been so conditioned to do so since childhood by my narcissistic mother.

Perhaps therapy is helping me find my own voice, realise that my needs DO in fact matter.

This all sounds so very selfish...but perhaps, just sometimes, we need to be..

Hi there - you are not selfish and your needs DO matter. I see an EMDR trauma T too and do well with it ( and yes it's tough ). Perhaps your partner is just starting to recognise her own trauma and is doing the normal thing of looking for information and saying what she's feeling which then leaves you feeling " hijacked " ( this is how it looks from my third party perspective ). I understand your T won't see you both due to BACP framework , do you think you might benefit from couples counseling with someone else to work through this ? Wish you well and sending you safe , gentle hugs if wanted.

Thank you, and safe hugs are truly appreciated.

Yes, I am sure she is on her own difficult journey. It is just tough that she is one constant reminder of my mother: one nigh on permanent trigger and cause of emotional flashback.

Couples therapy may be needed in the future. Right now I know I need to stay with the EMDR and see where that journey takes me. Hopefully it will help me to discern what in our relationship is us as opposed to responding to her as though she were my mother, if that makes sense.

- Feeling very trapped right now, trying to sift through all of this. Fortunately she is away this coming weekend, and the next, which will give me a bit of a breather.

Thanks again for replying to my rant...