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#1
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So, I've always had issues in my life where I react (fly off the handle) in anger when I feel like I am being attacked. I have a overwhelming need to defend myself and my actions. I want to explain my reasons for doing something in such extensive details just to make them understand what I meant. I'm so afraid of making mistakes and being wrong.
I just left my job after 12 years because I felt like I was being attacked and forced out the door because I am different from everyone else. I trusted my supervisor and upper administrators enough to confide in them about my depression. As soon as I did, I felt as if they began to use it against me. They began to provoke me then when I would stand up for myself, they wrote me up for being rude and unprofessional. I've always prided myself on my professionalism and now I'm told I am not. I have been utterly shattered by these people. I had to leave to save what little sanity I have left. Now, I need to heal. |
![]() Trace14
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#2
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Now, I tend to internalize my anger most of the time, either through my inner critic lashing out at me, or by just keeping it in and stressing out, to continue my CPTSD cycle. Occasionally, I do lash out, and I don't like it when I do, so I do everything in my power to avoid it.
In the past I was less able to control the anger and I did "let loose" more often. I can really relate to what you are saying here. I'm sorry you had to leave your job because of this. This past year has been very rough for me, and I found myself struggling from depression and anxiety, in addition to my CPTSD. This past summer, I had a long discussion with my supervisor and told him what was going on. He was very supportive and in addition to allowing me to flex my schedule however I needed to, fought to get me approval to work from home in limited situations so that I can spend more time with my daughter. This has been very helpful for me. I'm sorry that you weren't able to get the same support. I'm not sure of your insurance/financial status since you left your job, but if you have a mental health association in your area, they are generally non-profit and provide services for free. They can help you find individual therapy and provide groups and workshops. We have a great one in my area.
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"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost." ~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003) "I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group." ~ Anne Rice |
#3
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Trust is a very powerful thing, and it sounds like that was broken by some people you thought you could depend on. Shame on them. I had a similar situation and it was devastating. Put that much time and work into a place just to have it yanked out from under your feet when you need it most. Do you have a therapist? You've identified some good points that could be worth looking into. That's a wonderful thing. First that you see there is a problem, you can identify some traits of the discomfort, so now look at them closely and figure out what can be done to think differently, to make your life easier. What have you tried so far to help with this?
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![]() "Caught in the Quiet" |
#4
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People can be insensitive and assholes especially if they perceive someone as weak or can't stand up for himself, can't take a joke, has a problem, etc.. Unfortunately, our interactions with people will sooner or later expose some parts of us and its challenging to set firm boundaries or establish distant relationships with co-workers. Disappointments are part of our lives too. confiding in someone that later is using whatever he thinks about you against you is unfortunate. I don't know what to say but a lot of people are ****ed up. Don't let yourself down, and we can be triggered just like you. You are not alone. |
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