Possible trigger:

i just want to die, die, die, die die die. i want to be killed in an accident. i can't be her eanymore. i can't take it anymore

i can't get out of this mindset, that i have right to be treated nice or considerately. or like a human being.

You are worth very much though… You've helped me… I wish I could help you. Who's hurting you?

thank you
i'm pretty hopeless, there's no helping me in all reaily. no need to try-just your kind words were helpful really.

Have been feeling dehumanized. hurting so bad, really really really hurting. and alone.

someone hurt me really bad, and knew they were doing it. I have trauma from someone sociopathic and when people have no empathy, i feel like i'm being stabbed, killed. it catapults me to the past

The person who hurt me isn't sociopathic but had a need to hurt me. i'm not sure what it is. their own vulnerabilities, i think. but it hurts to be alone in at all, no one understands. i feel so alone and don't want to exist

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Skies

thank you
i'm pretty hopeless, there's no helping me in all reaily. no need to try-just your kind words were helpful really.

Have been feeling dehumanized. hurting so bad, really really really hurting. and alone.

someone hurt me really bad, and knew they were doing it. I have trauma from someone sociopathic and when people have no empathy, i feel like i'm being stabbed, killed. it catapults me to the past

The person who hurt me isn't sociopathic but had a need to hurt me. i'm not sure what it is. their own vulnerabilities, i think. but it hurts to be alone in at all, no one understands. i feel so alone and don't want to exist

Does this have something to do with the post you deleted? Is that the person?
You do deserve to be treated nicely, everyone does. I'm sure you know how to treat people nicely and that you do that. Some people don't have that quality though. They know no other way than to degrade and hurt others. That's when you identify them as a toxic person in your life and distance yourself from them. Depending on who it is that may be very hard but will be necessary if you ever want to be happy or at peace.

I"m not sure. i deleted some posts from earlier tongiht. I got cuaght up in arguments, it sucked so bad. but i kept engaging.

My therapist did something that he knew would harm me. He used my vulnerabilities against me. It really triggered me. I am just realizing why it's affected me so much.

my therapist is not the sociopathic person from teh initial trauma. He's tried to help me but gets mean to me sometimes.

He had no empathy and knew he was harming me. It seems like something innoculous, and he had a script about why he did it to make it seem like it wasn't done to harm me. i feel gaslighted.

It makes me feel like i'm being stabbed over and over in the chest.

It gets confusing when people start telling me that i have no right to be upset, that i'm being unreasonable or demanding. He knows me well and knows how i would feel about what he did-but he still did it. When i told him how much it hurt me, he sat there and looked at me. I was crying from other PTSD triggers, and he just looked at me. he talked to me in a stern voice and never showed compassion. He knows how to talk to me kindly but was mean.

I know i should distance myself. can't get in that mindset. Just keep feeling worse and worse about myself.

YOu are right, that's no other way but to distance yourself. i kept thinking it could get repaired, that we were just off track, or had transfernce that could be resolved. Maybe that's still posisbile, i don't know. it feels traumatic to leave.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Skies

I"m not sure. i deleted some posts from earlier tongiht. I got cuaght up in arguments, it sucked so bad. but i kept engaging.

My therapist did something that he knew would harm me. He used my vulnerabilities against me. It really triggered me. I am just realizing why it's affected me so much.

my therapist is not the sociopathic person from teh initial trauma. He's tried to help me but gets mean to me sometimes.

He had no empathy and knew he was harming me. It seems like something innoculous, and he had a script about why he did it to make it seem like it wasn't done to harm me. i feel gaslighted.

It makes me feel like i'm being stabbed over and over in the chest.

It gets confusing when people start telling me that i have no right to be upset, that i'm being unreasonable or demanding. He knows me well and knows how i would feel about what he did-but he still did it. When i told him how much it hurt me, he sat there and looked at me. I was crying from other PTSD triggers, and he just looked at me. he talked to me in a stern voice and never showed compassion. He knows how to talk to me kindly but was mean.

I know i should distance myself. can't get in that mindset. Just keep feeling worse and worse about myself.

YOu are right, that's no other way but to distance yourself. i kept thinking it could get repaired, that we were just off track, or had transfernce that could be resolved. Maybe that's still posisbile, i don't know. it feels traumatic to leave.

Of course it will be hard to leave, but if you can't get past this obstacle then how is therapy going to help you? I know in my therapy it's hard, a lot of things I have to face I don't particularly want to face but it's part of my working through the hard stuff to get to where it doesn't control me as much anymore. That maybe I will control it instead. Therapy is hard, no doubt about that. But if you think this therapist is doing more harm than good it might be time to look for someone else that can help you. We have to look after ourselves and sometimes that means making some hard decisions. There's no guarantee that our decisions will be the right ones but at least we can say we tried something new and it didn't work out so I will look for something else. It's time to look after you.

he knew the way he did that would harm me and calculated how he would hurt me. he thought it out how he would use my vulnerabiltiies.

he had no empathy and sat there and watched my pain and struggle and just sat there and when he talked it wasin a mean tone. he watched me bienrg hurt and struggling, watched me cry in pain and showed no empathy. he had a blank look on his face

he wanted me to be feel helpless to make him feel stronger. he watched me struggle and cry in pain and just sat there and stared. then raised his voice and talked to me like i wasn't a person.

he had no empathy. he knew what he was doing to me. he did it anyway and watched my pain

he objectified me, treated me like i wasn't human and had no right to not be harmed on purpose

i can't forget how he watched me struggle and hurt and just sat there. i can't get it out of miy mind

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Skies

he objectified me, treated me like i wasn't human and had no right to not be harmed on purpose

What do you think is the best way to handle this?

i cant get it out of my mind. it cant get it out of my mind. i can't get it out of my mind.the blank look, there was no empathy inside

i'm scared i don't know.

i dont' have anyone to talk to about this . one of my best friends is a therapist but judgmental aobut many things. i can call her but don't want to talk about the therapist situation and don't think i could not mention it. she wouldn't udnerstand

i just dont thnk people understand what its like to have this kind of trauma or just don't have empathy for someone like me. maybe its both

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Skies

i just dont thnk people understand what its like to have this kind of trauma or just don't have empathy for someone like me. maybe its both

I think a lot of people understand more than you think. We are a multiple trauma group here. Everyone's situation and trauma is unique to each person, some people deal with things differently. Something that might be upsetting to me may not bother you, or vice versa. It wouldn't mean that you didn't care because you didn't get upset, we just handle things in our own ways. People have their own way of showing how they care.
Are you taking any medication for your anxiety? If you get really down do you have a plan for reaching out for help at a hospital or crisis line?

[OliverB]

I am sorry, I am reading, I just dont' have any advice. Stay safe, you are valuable

I'm so thankful you were here last night Trace. It really helped as I didn't feel alone. I ended up taking some sedatives and am no longer in that state of mind. Still hurt and feeling icky.

I think I was referring to the other forum, but i was just triggered about not being believed. The other was my therapist friend as said she gets annoyed by people when they are sui. So i meant literally judgmental because of that. Yes I've called her on that, but it's one of those things where everyone has their shortcomings. She admits it, so I have no problem. I get along with people better who are upfront about their issues. It's easier to manage relationships that way.

I don't go to hospitals because of PTSD, but I have sort of a stockpile of medications here. I use them conservatively.

Thanks for being so understanding. It makes me feel less alone. you're very kind.

Originally Posted by Trace14

I think a lot of people understand more than you think. We are a multiple trauma group here. Everyone's situation and trauma is unique to each person, some people deal with things differently. Something that might be upsetting to me may not bother you, or vice versa. It wouldn't mean that you didn't care because you didn't get upset, we just handle things in our own ways. People have their own way of showing how they care.
Are you taking any medication for your anxiety? If you get really down do you have a plan for reaching out for help at a hospital or crisis line?

Thanks for your kind words. I'm doing better.

Originally Posted by OliverB

I am sorry, I am reading, I just dont' have any advice. Stay safe, you are valuable

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Skies

I'm so thankful you were here last night Trace. It really helped as I didn't feel alone. I ended up taking some sedatives and am no longer in that state of mind. Still hurt and feeling icky.

I think I was referring to the other forum, but i was just triggered about not being believed. The other was my therapist friend as said she gets annoyed by people when they are sui. So i meant literally judgmental because of that. Yes I've called her on that, but it's one of those things where everyone has their shortcomings. She admits it, so I have no problem. I get along with people better who are upfront about their issues. It's easier to manage relationships that way.

I don't go to hospitals because of PTSD, but I have sort of a stockpile of medications here. I use them conservatively.

Thanks for being so understanding. It makes me feel less alone. you're very kind.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Just know we are going to go through these emotional ups and downs during our healing. And we have to remember that they are temporary and part of the process so that we don't let them get out of hand and make the situation worse. We all have gone through similar situations here. So we do understand. We are here if you need to talk, very happy to hear you are feeling better today. Baby steps......