little help please

my case manager is losing sight of whats important i think...

she is pushing me... i am experiencing splitting symptoms with her and am worried/scared that i am going to do something regretful like skip appointment or terminate with her because of her actions when maybe she is just trying to help ... but she is not understanding me and where i am at and i need to make it clear to her because i am in a dangerous place and she needs to be gentle with me and take care with my treatment and listen more to me instead of dictate...

she is really stuck on this substance abuse thing... she doesnt talk about anything else anymore... she's turning into like everyone else... like everyone else believes that all my problems stem from substance abuse...
this is a huge trigger for me and i need to address it with her because being misunderstood like this makes me feel so alone and im not going to be able to talk to her about ANYTHING anymore at this point... i am shutting down...

substance abuse treatment is all fine and dandy

but i dont really have a substance abuse problem... not like everyone thinks... they all have it backwards and i have been trying to tell them but no one listens... or understands....

i need them to focus on trauma... i need them to help me... listen to me... be there for me... support me...
if i slip up and drink 4 or 5 beers dont worry about it because im not drinking a case of beer like i used to, because im not abusing alcohol anymore... if i smoke some weed, dont worry about it because im just trying to get some sleep because i havent slept in weeks or havent eaten anything in a few days... im not using other drugs like coke or meth...

but they dont believe me or care it seems like and im really beginning to be triggered and having splitting symptoms i cant control...

she gave me homework and wants me to "define what addiction is to me"
"list ways to help myself"
"list out ways that i want people to hold me accountable"

and i dont see how any of that is helpful to me at this point... because i am not drinking very much at all... i dont want to drink... i just want trauma treatment... want help getting out of this living situation i am in... want help getting financial independence...

this treatment path she is on is going in the wrong direction and i need to fix it before it triggers me to do something bad... because if she pushes me too far down this road it will cause me to do the opposite and probably start abusing drugs and alcohol just to spite... because i will get pissed off because she doesnt believe me and probably thinks i am using drugs or whatever...

im not in a very good place in my mind or in living situation...
i need them all to be gentle with me and compassionate...

how can i fix this...?

Being misunderstood and invalidated like that would trigger me too

It’s an obvious suggestion but could you write out something similar to what you’ve written here and give it to her?

If she doesn’t respond helpfully, I personally would terminate with her

You need and deserve your treatment provider(s) to be gentle and compassionate with you, and to listen kindly and accurately ...we all do

i will try to write something down again... every time i have tried before though it fails...

but i don't know what to write...

i was just discharged from the hospital on the 25th though so im trying to stay focused and its really hard...

i kind of just want to go back to the hospital and stay there for ever...

in the hospital they told me there wasn't any medicine they can give me that will help... they just put me on prazosin to hopefully help with the nightmares...

they said its severe ptsd and wasn't at all concerned with the substances... i dont know why my case manager is pushing me the way she is... she even wanted me to go back to the rehab center and i told her that i was not going to do that...

(((Hug)))

Pushing triggers me severely! I'm so sorry that she isn't hearing your heart. I hear you and I understand what you are saying!!

It may take great courage, but I would print what you posted here and take it with you the next time you meet wit her. I would ask her to read it and ask her to understand what you are trying to say and how you feel.

If she can't do that, I agree with Fuzzy. I would find someone who would understand.

Can you try telling them that in the past when you abused drugs and alcohol it was a way of coping with your symptoms which you clearly wasn't getting the right support for ?

I too misused alcohol and drugs because I was desperate to feel better and these highly qualified people supposedly helping me failed me .
I'm currently not taking drugs or alcahol. If they offered me support for it I might take it only because I've been getting cravings for them lately quite often . however , if they just focused on that and the underlying various issues I need help with I would complain.
Its so wrong that they are trying to relate all of your problems to drink or drugs . many people have a few beers or a joint once in a while weather they have mental health problems or not . they need to focus on what you need and the must listen. If they don't I would consider complaining and maybe getting a new worker .

Hugs : Sophie

i would print it out but i don't have a printer sadly...

i may try to write it down... but i really am fearful of confrontation, i am almost certain she will retaliate with something like the substance issue needs to be addressed - although i dont feel like i have a problem with substances... i am not drinking or using drugs currently and dont really have a desire to as long as i manage my triggers and stress well enough... i dont crave drugs or anything besides marijuana but only weed because it helps all of my symptoms so much and helps me sleep so well and i need sleep so bad because i haven't slept very well in so long...

i have told them the exact thing that its not the drugs and alcohol causing my problems but that i used drugs and alcohol because of my problems... i cant remember what she said because i guess i dissociated or something... apparently i dissociate a lot... especially when trying to stand up for myself...

being honest i am under the influence of oxycodone right now but i am extremely stressed out... having a lot of family problems... brother is leaving his fiance and him and his kids are staying with us and its just... well maybe you can imagine the triggers... but im not trying to make excuses... i just dont want to panic and hurt myself because i have been having bad thoughts related to self harm again recently and dont want to return to cutting, which may be another excuse to use but...

im just really stressed out...
with my treatment providers... my family... myself... my life...
im doing really well with substance abuse problems...
and trying really hard to stay focused and working really hard on trying to devise a plan to get out of this living situation to get out on my own and live away from all these problems even though that makes me feel guilty although i know that its not my place to try to solve everyones problems... i need to be selfish now and need to take care of myself... i am just having a lot of problems because i am not financially independent and am still waiting to hear from the social security people for a court date to go see if they will give me disability or not again... which is extremely stressing me out because i have been waiting for so long this time just for the court date and fearful they will just deny me again and i have been trying to get on disability for 7 years just to have a little financial independence... to be able to get out and get away from these things... away from triggers... to be able to focus on myself... get proper treatment and healing... so that i can make a life for myself and focus on my life and hopefully one day get off disability and be happy...

im going crazy... and i really dont know how much more i can take... i have been saying that for some time now so i really really dont know how much longer i can sustain...
i have been having blackouts and a lot of problems and its getting to a point where im worried that im going to really mess my life up or die if i cant make progress and get out of this situation because i feel so trapped and dont really see a way out...

i am a depressed optimistic, or something...
for ever optimistic... its like a curse...
i dont see anyway things can get better... i dont feel like things will ever get better...
yet i feel like they will... they must...
its like im living a double life... split... my mind is living strange... and its insanity, i want it to stop so that i can be certain of what i am and what is happening instead of being so confused all of the time but i don't know what to do about it as it is out of my control .. and is not an effect of drugs or alcohol as people like to say because im just not using drugs and alcohol to that extent to where it would be contributing constantly... im just sick of all the confusion and uncertainty...

my mind is telling me so many different things, "go isolate" "dont isolate go be with people" "kill yourself" "dont, love yourself you are worth it"
but its not even me, i am numb... i am empty... i am a bystander... watching all this life pass me by...