[MtnTime2896]

I'm just done. I'm sick of fighting only to lose more. I'm tired of being a burden.

If I go back to live with my dad, it'll be hard, but I might as well. At least there I'll have to live with what I deserve.

My clock couldn't end soon enough. I just want to close my eyes and never suffer opening them again.

[HD7970GHZ]

So Leigheas,

Are you okay? Is your father an abuser? Will you be safe? Please explain more about your situation, perhaps it will allow us to be more helpful.

I am concerned for you.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[Fuzzybear]

((( So leigheas )))

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I'm just done. I'm sick of fighting only to lose more. I'm tired of being a burden.

If I go back to live with my dad, it'll be hard, but I might as well. At least there I'll have to live with what I deserve.

My clock couldn't end soon enough. I just want to close my eyes and never suffer opening them again.

What's going on? Have you checked with a social worker to find a group home? Or somewhere else to stay that would be safe? can you call your T and talk to them? Are you taking your meds like you should? You know we are here for you and we enjoy your company here. Don't let someone else take that away.

[MtnTime2896]

My dad's abusive, but verbally rather than physical. So, by that fact, I should be "safe" for the most part. I have no plans of going into a group home or anything of that nature. I don't really want to bother my T, especially when I know he probably can't help. I'm taking my meds like should.

I just can't be a burden to everyone like this anymore. I can't ****ing do it. It's time for me to stop being a parasite to everyone I care about. Time for me to back off so they can be happy.

[shezbut]

Being abused (physically, emotionally, or sexually) hurts a lot no matter when it occurs really, but when we're already struggling hard to find the motivation to continue with life.....that's when we need some help.

Have you and your doc ever talked about what to do in circumstances like these before? {I had to agree to a "contract" with my T a couple of times. Times when I was feeling tired of continuing to try getting better.} I am sure that your doc wants you to reach out to him in times of desperation.

If you don't want to reach out to extended family or friends, then maybe you should give that lifeline number a call now. They have kind, caring associates there whose sole purpose for being there is to help those who are wanting to stop fighting to get better.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 800-273-8255

You are in my thoughts ~ please stay safe.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

My dad's abusive, but verbally rather than physical. So, by that fact, I should be "safe" for the most part. I have no plans of going into a group home or anything of that nature. I don't really want to bother my T, especially when I know he probably can't help. I'm taking my meds like should.

I just can't be a burden to everyone like this anymore. I can't ****ing do it. It's time for me to stop being a parasite to everyone I care about. Time for me to back off so they can be happy.

What brought all this on. Issues between you and your mom? What makes you think you are being a parasite to people you care about? You are a very caring person and I see why people care so much about you. It might not be the people that you would pick to care but people do care, like me. We don't know each other that well but I do know you set your self aside to recently help a friend. You support people here when you are hurting yourself. You're a good person. You just need to find an alternative living arrangement because you are never going to be happy there. You may tolerate it for a while but then you get down , like you are now, and you see no way out.
Maybe you should go to the hospital and talk to them. Just do whatever you have to do to stay safe tonight and re-evaluate it tomorrow. Please reach for help.

[MtnTime2896]

My mom and I are fine. Our relationship has pretty much been repaired.

What brought all this on was a number of things. I lost my cat, that hurt. My mom almost died, but she's good now and out of the hospital. A childhood friend of mine took his life, that's made it difficult to even sleep. And then I had to deal with another lecture about me not contributing, it's accurate but I can't seem to solve the problem. To add to it all, nothing I do seems to please anyone. They always expect more and/or better. What can I say, I'm useless. Finally, my fiance and I have been fighting, it takes two but I wish we could just figure this crap out and be happy.

I know you all care here and it does mean a lot. I just wish it changed anything. I'm not saying that to offend. I'm just saying that no matter what my head just drowns everything and everyone else out. I'm so damn tired. I just want to be done.

shezbut, thanks for the number. I don't think I need to talk to anyone about that subject at the moment. With my T, I see him on Wednesday. I don't know if I'll bring any of this up with him. I don't really think that far ahead anymore.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

My mom and I are fine. Our relationship has pretty much been repaired.

What brought all this on was a number of things. I lost my cat, that hurt. My mom almost died, but she's good now and out of the hospital. A childhood friend of mine took his life, that's made it difficult to even sleep. And then I had to deal with another lecture about me not contributing, it's accurate but I can't seem to solve the problem. To add to it all, nothing I do seems to please anyone. They always expect more and/or better. What can I say, I'm useless. Finally, my fiance and I have been fighting, it takes two but I wish we could just figure this crap out and be happy.

I know you all care here and it does mean a lot. I just wish it changed anything. I'm not saying that to offend. I'm just saying that no matter what my head just drowns everything and everyone else out. I'm so damn tired. I just want to be done.

shezbut, thanks for the number. I don't think I need to talk to anyone about that subject at the moment. With my T, I see him on Wednesday. I don't know if I'll bring any of this up with him. I don't really think that far ahead anymore.

That's awesome that you and your mom are working things out. I hope she will continue to be okay. I'm sure she will be well taken care of by you. You are a very caring person. I'm really sorry about your cat. Yesterday was the one year date for me losing my cat, who was like a soul mate for me. So I understand, it was a very hard day. Also very sorry to hear about your friend, that is very sad for you and the friend.
You are having a lot going on but sometimes it happens that way. You need to break off little chunks of all this and work on each one separately instead of everything at once. That would be overwhelming for anyone. You know the old saying when it rains it pours? Well there you go. But from what you have just written you can see that they are all separate issues that need to be dealt with that way. You can do this, I have no doubt. Slow down, take a deep breath and look at this list and see which one you can work on right now. What do you think will happen if you discuss with your T how you have felt and what you are dealing with? He may have some ideas on working on it.
Don't worry about offending us, we understand what you are going through and I think we all know that you do care about us as well.
It's a new day. Try to start it out not being so stressed out. Listen to some soothing music.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Thinking of you. Hope things look a little brighter soon.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( So leigheas ))))))

I hope you are feeling some relief from your inner distress.
Lots of great input in this thread.

Stay safe.

WC