[MtnTime2896]

I can take it out of the bottle, I can sit and stare at it and even fidget with it. I can bring myself to actually take this pill.

That's what I'm dealing with right now. I'm just trying to will myself to take it. It shouldn't be this hard. Should it? Should I be this opposed to taking this stuff when I know it helps with things that nothing else has helped? Yes, I hate the side-effects, but I can't say that that's my issue with taking the damn meds.

Why is this so hard?

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? How do you deal with this?

Why is this so hard?

Do you think you just don't want to deal with the side effects? Do you think the meds "kill" your personality? These are the things that make me dislike psych meds. Have you thought about trying a lower dose? I am guilty of occassinally breaking pills in half and experimenting with skipping doses. When I look at the decisions I have made in the past when I am off my medication, it makes me realize that I need to continue to take it. Some of my threads and PMs are reminders about how I can get.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Why is this so hard?

Do you think you just don't want to deal with the side effects? Do you think the meds "kill" your personality? These are the things that make me dislike psych meds. Have you thought about trying a lower dose? I am guilty of occassinally breaking pills in half and experimenting with skipping doses. When I look at the decisions I have made in the past when I am off my medication, it makes me realize that I need to continue to take it. Some of my threads and PMs are reminders about how I can get.

I don't think my meds "kill" my personality so much. I do believe that my meds "kill" my drive to get out of bed. Today was a fine example of that. I managed to force my AP down last night after fighting enough. All I did today, except for eating the breakfast my fiance made, was lay in bed. I didn't want to do anything else, nor did I have the energy for it. My AD, as it is, doesn't seem to be lifting my depression as much as it's increased my anxiety and destroyed my appetite. So, when it comes to my AD, I just don't understand why I'm taking it when it hasn't even helped me. With my AP, things just get really boring when it kicks in, really boring and honestly kind of lonely. Cartoon animals aren't chasing each other in the kitchen anymore, you know? Same token, I'm not dealing with things that are nearly as scary and the chaos is gone. The chaos can get really violent but it's all I know. I don't know how to live without it. I'm not sure if I want to. Looking back at my posts (or lack thereof), I can tell when I'm on my meds and when I'm not. My depression and SI are always quite present in both categories.

I personally do not like it when medications take away our drive. I say to myself, "It was a good day," when I feel like I have gotten some useful things done. You are a very good writer, I hate that you are not writing as much as you used to. A mere 50 mg increase in my AD dosage causes me more anxiety/less sleep. Have you thought about asking for slightly different doses?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I can take it out of the bottle, I can sit and stare at it and even fidget with it. I can bring myself to actually take this pill.

That's what I'm dealing with right now. I'm just trying to will myself to take it. It shouldn't be this hard. Should it? Should I be this opposed to taking this stuff when I know it helps with things that nothing else has helped? Yes, I hate the side-effects, but I can't say that that's my issue with taking the damn meds.

Why is this so hard?

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? How do you deal with this?

Can't argue with feeling. Most days I would rather eat rat s___ with a straw than take meds. I absolutely hate the idea. But.........when I don't take them I hate how I feel even worse. You've been tinkering with these meds for a while now and the reason I know this is from your post. You seem paranoid, hopeless and no fight left in you. I hate seeing that way, because you deserve better. Taking the prescribed dose one time is not going give you the benefit you need. Keep taking it and push yourself to get motivated, start out small. I've seen a happier or maybe it's a more comfortable So'leigheas when you are taking the meds. Meds take time to balance out in your system, could take a month or two.
If you just can't deal with the meds check with your pdoc and see if there's something else that would help.
I just want you to feel better. I care about you.

[MtnTime2896]

Thanks Hoping and Trace.

Hoping: Yeah, I've tinkered with my dose (by myself and with the doc before this new one).

Trace: You aren't the only one who's told me that there's a difference between me taking the meds and me off of them. Even my best friend wants me on them because I guess I "seem less scared all of the time".

I don't know how well I can judge myself anymore. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now, which is only adding to my confusion. I honestly think that, when it comes down to it, I hate taking my meds because I hate the idea that I even need them.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Thanks Hoping and Trace.

Hoping: Yeah, I've tinkered with my dose (by myself and with the doc before this new one).

Trace: You aren't the only one who's told me that there's a difference between me taking the meds and me off of them. Even my best friend wants me on them because I guess I "seem less scared all of the time".

I don't know how well I can judge myself anymore. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed right now, which is only adding to my confusion. I honestly think that, when it comes down to it, I hate taking my meds because I hate the idea that I even need them.

When people that care about you tell you what they are seeing, you need to listen, because maybe you can't recognize the change because you are so involved in the emotions. Yep I agree, I hate that I need them but I do. Not taking them causes more pain on me and people I care about. Already have enough to deal with without me causes issues for myself, ya know? We don't have to like the meds, but we do need them and must take them (as prescribed)Are you listening?

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Trace14

When people that care about you tell you what they are seeing, you need to listen, because maybe you can't recognize the change because you are so involved in the emotions. Yep I agree, I hate that I need them but I do. Not taking them causes more pain on me and people I care about. Already have enough to deal with without me causes issues for myself, ya know? We don't have to like the meds, but we do need them and must take them (as prescribed)Are you listening?

Yeah, I'm hearing you. I'll try as best as I can.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Yeah, I'm hearing you. I'll try as best as I can.

Awesome You can do this. A lot of things in life we have to do not because we like it, this is one of them.

Originally Posted by Trace14

When people that care about you tell you what they are seeing, you need to listen, because maybe you can't recognize the change because you are so involved in the emotions. Yep I agree, I hate that I need them but I do. Not taking them causes more pain on me and people I care about. Already have enough to deal with without me causes issues for myself, ya know? We don't have to like the meds, but we do need them and must take them (as prescribed)Are you listening?

I agree with everyhing here exceot the "exactly as prescibed" part. Sometimes I can tell when I need to back off on my doses a bit but my experiments with quitting my meds have been total fails.....

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

I agree with everyhing here exceot the "exactly as prescibed" part. Sometimes I can tell when I need to back off on my doses a bit but my experiments with quitting my meds have been total fails.....

If you want to change the dosage ask you doctor first. Some meds you may be able to do that with, some ....not so much. It's really a personal choice to take the meds or not. No one can make you take them , but by not taking them and people who care about you see such a negative response to that it should be considered. That's all I'm saying , nothing is a one size fits all.