HYE heard of Passive Suicidal Ideation?

Another job is not an option. The possibility of me finding a job that pays as well as I get paid right now, even though I am very underpaid (I estimate they would have to pay someone at least 20% more if they had to replace me), are slim to none. Unless I get laid off, which isn't likely, I'm here for the duration.

I am going to go out on a limb this year and cut back my payroll deduction to my HSA account a little. This past January I went into the new year with just a couple hundred in my account, this coming January I'm going in with enough to cover my full deductible of $3500. That money can go to paying off bills. Then, if I get a decent raise in March I can bump my 401k donation back up some, enough to at least get a partial company match anyway.

I'm already planning on working part time at retirement, or, if I have my web design business going good then, that will be my part time work.

I already have my 401k set up for a good mix of profitability and risk. I just never had the opportunity to have a 401k until I started with this company in 2005. In the 2008 crash, I had co-workers who lost more than I actually had in my account. LOL

Sounds like a plan. Your HSA rolls over? Ours didn't. We had to calculate what our bills may be and put that amount in. Otherwise we would loose it at the end of the year. You should be able to roll over the balance, why should they get it?

Your are thinking about a Flexible spending account. I've never used one of those because you can lose it.

The HSA (Health Savings Account) is your money. You have limits for how much you can put in tax free, but it does roll over. You can even move excess money over the HSA CDs.

There are lots of limitations, can only be used for qualified medical expenses, and you have to have a High Deductible Health Plan to open one.

Back in the mid 90's when my depression was really bad I was continually attempting to end my life. At the same time my anorexia got really bad. When I was pushed into going to an ED treatment facility, I basically told them that dying of anorexia would leave my daughter with less stigma that if I committed suicide.....that was a concept I had long before here was a term for it.

Lol.....neither anorexia nor suicide was successful in ending my life & I am so thankful because I would not be enjoying the wonderful life I have now.....but I was serious at the time.....had no desire to live & now I realize that was because at the time I was trapped in the bad marriage with no other possible way out......there was finally a way out & I left.....that saved my life.

Today I almost got run over by a bus. The bodywork and wheels passed less than 5 centimeters from my bicycle.

I didn't push forward. Yet you may guess my true feeling at such a moment. If something got me afraid, wasn't dying but living wounded, being as useless as unemployed as I am, I'm no worth for the most basic of health services in this modern world, and this was yet another special opportunity natural selection offered society to purge yet another lazy, pitiful, effort lacking scum from the gene pool. A relief to those hardworking taxpayers (in some years, there'll not even be any public system for such taxes to matter anyways), martyrs of mankind.

I had a laugh, and reminded myself of how often I've been there.

I’ve been reading this thread for a while.

I️ am terrified of doctors or medical people in general. There are reasons that I️ would rather not say.

I️ do have issues that I️ do know need attention, but I️ choose not to have them addressed.

I️ really don’t think that my absence would really matter other than the fact that I️ wouldn’t be the provider of something that someone wants from me.

I️ may, no, I️ would be missed for that.

The thought of being not here, a place I’ve never felt welcomed, would be welcoming to me.

I️ would not do anything to make that happen, but if it came about that way, I️ don’t know.

I️ want to believe I️ have a purpose here and I️ want to achieve that.

I️ would just like to go home when that purpose is achieved and I’ve done what I’m put here to do.

I know after what my mom went through with her cancer treatment I would chose to do NO TREATMENT & live a few months less but have a better quality of life doing it.

Got in a discussion with the PA at the pain specialist office before I left because of their policy on lowering the pain med I had been on successfully with NO side effects for 18 years. They were doing this song & dance about how bad the med was & I said...ok...tell me what in my body it has harmed these last 18 years....was met with silence. Then I said IF ibuprofen had worked & i had to take an equivalent high dose to control the pain, what bad shape would my kidneys be in by now & that crap is OTC. Then they said it could be bad later on in life. I said....Ill take that chance since tomorrow I could step off a curb & be hit by a car or in a fatal auto accident before that ever MIGHT happen. Also told them if i was going to end up going back to the no quality life I had before the med thete was no way I was going to bother caring for any other aspect of my health life.

Decided if that was the care they were NOW giving since the owner I first saw has retired....i dont need their crap & will find some other pain specislist. Blessed thst my migrainesvatent as bad as they had been but they are worse then when on the dose thst worked with the med. But when life quality is low its hardbto want to do anything to encourage life. I wont actively tey to end my life sny more but I wont do anything to encourage lengthening it either