cptsdvictim's journal

Thanks for the hugs, @unaluna . They make things more bearable. They really do. Hugs back.

The rent prices where I live are way crazier than what they complain about in the Netherlands

Also, just learned that Joe Biden is dropping out of the race. 😔 I feel sad. He did so much and he's so resilient. Will Harris be able to bring the nation together, keep the focus on what the American people can achieve together when united, and will you, the American people elect a black woman to be your president, and not just any president but the first female president the USA ever had? The fact that she was an Attorney General should make her able to deal with someone who was indicted. But will she hone in on what has been done, accept responsibility through accountability of what failed and focus on what can be done? I can only hope she will win. Not much time left. Hopefully, people will unite and have a good VP elected by her.

I appreciate that. I was worried i was being intrusive. But wow some of your stuff rezlly speaks to me. Both the links, but esp the way you talk.

I'm glad you're finding value in what I post. And if anything I post helps you, that's great. My job is done. 😄😊

Good mooorning. Rewiring the morning incidents without the bully present is great. Dissipating that anxiety in the morning and removing the walking on eggshells feeling due to his narcissism.

That being said, I implemented and rewritten a few things for the issue I'm currently working on. Nothing major. And, most importantly finished implementing the tests. They work. Of course, like all the others, they're not complete though I plan to write the rest of the tests in a dedicated multi-subtask issue.

This means, I get to review my overall work for the past week or so. And if everything goes well, I might even merge today and have the rest of the week for another issue. If I finish today I'll switch to normal work, otherwise I'll switch to feature implementation/bug fixing.

Good progress. I'm proud of myself. Still, lots to do. So more work coming!

Yesterday, my calendar prompt from GGSC monthly calendar said: "Get Help from Friends" and I'm glad I got some support here (even if it's just a hug, it means a lot). Today it says: "Overcome Worry" - inline with my previous post. Tomorrow's prompt is: "See Your Own Goodness". Perfect for when bully narcissistic roommate returns and also for my visit to the doctor.

In the cafe, relaxing. Today was a productive day. Holy moly. There are over 5k additions and several hundred deletions in my changes overall. It took me the entire day to review once and implement the changes. Good news, though, fixed an alignment bug that was on my mind but that I was willing to leave for later (read: very far in the future, close to never, or, in the limit of never 😅 ).

Tomorrow will be doctor's appointment in the morning, then I'll head to the vegan restaurant to relax and have lunch. Afterwards I'll review again my changes and, hopefully, merge them. It'll be another humongous piece of work.

Having 3 days left for work, I think I'll just start on the next issue, inline, earlier. Will get done as much as possible, extending into Saturday to get it implemented in some manner (maybe half of the total work?). With the next two weeks dedicated for finishing it. Shouldn't be too big of a deal as it's similar to an already implemented solution. Though, there're some preemptive changes I need to do in advance to implementing said issue.

Let's goo!

The nerd in me loves reading about your work. I came across some code of mine a while ago and i almost cried at how beautiful it was. It looked like it was formatted by machine. But it was really just judicious choice of variable names and tabs. Im so weird. My supervisors said i was spending too much time formatting, but i spent NO time formatting. I only had to type the differences, everything else was automatically repeated.

You know what they say - you want a job done fast, give it to a lazy person. They will figure out the easiest way so they can get back to doing nothing. Thats me.

A fellow coder. Hooray! 🙌🏻

The obsession over code style and formatting is real. 😅 I very rarely leave something unattended. Speaks to the perfectionist in me. Your supervisors wanted things done fast, but when they have to go back and read the code for whatever reason, who laughs then? Haha. Though, it's true, finding the balance between getting things done and keep iterating on the code to improve it isn't easy due to the need to deliver shiny new things all the time.

I'm glad you had that cathartic reaction to reading your code. Well done!

Berlin’s Abandoned Airport | Easy German Live - YouTube (CC subtitles available)

Omg that looks so great!!!

Just had a conversation with the manager of the shelter. As expected, he tried to make the point of the abuser and defend him. Had to reiterate my position a few times. I stated that I'm willing to raise the issue with the housing authority and even take legal action if necessary. He acknowledged and said he'll talk with the roommate. He even tried making the point that if I leave this shelter I might even end up in one where roommates will steal from me. Isn't that crazy? Too bad I didn't get to record the conversation. It happened too fast.

The host is a true polyglot. Wow.

At the doctor. I wasn't called in when I left the shelter. So no recording this morning.

I remembered the social worker who, despite me telling her I've C-PTSD and suffer from extreme anxiety and dissociation, she was pushing me to go back into the workforce and was disappointed when she learned I was granted disability. Some people are disgusting. If you're one of those, ask yourself: how can you sustain systems of oppression and just be miserable your entire life by clinging to your privileges at the detriment of people in need? Why don't you elect progressive politicians to enact policy change and instead vote religious conservatives to keep your "status quo" in place?

At the vegan restaurant. Basically, the doctor appointment went like this: she (they rotate all the time and have to repeat almost the same stuff at every appointment - a sign of how "resilient" they are) asked me how it's going for me. Of course, I asked: "medication wise?", and, of course, as someone who was raised to be a "good little girl" and to honor her profession (read: ask just to ask but not for actually caring for the person in front of you), she said "in general". And so I explained to her my situation, my history and kept her accountable. The result? She couldn't cope (her brain pushed away, rapidly all that I said) so she immediately disposed of me. Good thing I realized on my way out that she didn't tell me the next appointment datetime and I went back to get it from her. I need the anti psychotic, otherwise I'll have another psychotic break. It's fun to watch people break down when they're used with their privileges and their comfort, but confronted with reality.

Finished reading T.W. Part of me would like the West to have a CEKA and be traumatized so badly that it'll never recover just as it happened to the South-East Europe countries when they were abandoned by the "very resilient" West. Part of me knows that'd be wrong as the damage will be permanent and from what we know from C-PTSD, once you traumatize someone so badly, there's no recovery. If you want to destroy a nation, you do it like Lenin and Stalin did.