Unrelenting pain, what is it?

What is this unrelenting pain? I swear my heart hurts literally aches and thuds so loudly in my ears and head. What is this pain that shoots through my entire body and paralyzes me?

Anger that my grandson has deserted me, wiped me like a snotty nose? or is it sadness?
Anger that DJ's daughter treats me so badly? or sadness?
Anger that I allowed my family to treat me so badly for years so that they can hopefully love me in some way? or is that sadness too?

I need to work these things out so that I know where I am because the tears won't stop and I don't like that.

Today is tuesday for me so it must be anger....tuesday is when much anger is shown....why am I not showing it? Why am I swallowing it? Or trying to swallow it, it gets stuck in my throat and won't go down any further....I'm asking for help

I am here Rhian.... not sure what to say but I am here for you. How can I help?

Oh dear! I almost begged Morgana to come out because she is strong and she can handle things so much better than I ....she just made an appearance and slapped me right across the face and disappeared! No fair!

Can you go somewhere and scream? Scream out your anger? Get it off your back. I wish you didn't have to know this sadness. I wish your family showed you the love your deserved. You are so worthy of all the love the world has to give. You have a right to be angry. Anger is not a bad thing. It is an honest emotion that tells us we need to deal with a hurt. We need to heal a wound. Anger lets us know what the source of the pain and suffering is. It isn't meant to sit and fester. It is meant to put light on a hurt so you can apply the right medicine.

Self love. Universal love. My love and the love of those in your life who support and nurture you. Let all this love fill the hole left by your family who miss out on the blessing of loving you. Love them even though they can't return it to you. Blessing healing upon them so they might know your love some day.

May the angels of peace collect your tears so that one day you can see their magic. Blessings.

What do you want? Who do you want out right now? Is that a fair question?

Dear ((((Sanity))))

Just to see you here and post is so much, thank you. I feel less alone. But the tears won't stop. I guess it could also be self pity but is that an emotion?

I just don't know what to do other than let it go and let God & Goddess take care of it They've never failed me before....

Sanity did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?

Well you are so very beautiful!! Thank you

Rhiannon

You are so sweet Rhian. You bring tears of joy to my eyes. Let the tears pour Rhian. The angels are their with their healing hands to collect them. Just imagine.

I can't take an out now...I made a promise when I died and went to the Light not to ever try to take my life home. Or in otherwords S. I don't judge others for their actions but it is wrong for me. They told me that I would go home when the time is right and not before. So whatever happens I have to deal with it as best I can. It just gets so hard.

Thankyou dear Sanity...I can see their sparkling energy around me at the moment....no I haven't taken anything lol

Side note.... I can't believe I am posting in this forum. Trust you to draw me here to challenge an anger issue of my own. The thing is when I saw the post about the creation of this thread I had a really negative reaction. I have been trying to sort out why ever since. I think it has something to do with my understanding of how mental illness manipulates our emotions. Somehow 'coping with emotions' just sounds ignorant of the impact of illness on emotional responses. Like I said I am still trying to figure it out. I reacted to the new forum title the same way I react to someone saying 'get a hold of yourself' or 'cheer up' or any other of the zillion ignorant remarks clueless people make.

Sorry for the sideline.... just had to get that off my chest.

Wow!! I made that same promise. It is not my call to make. I accept that to be my truth. I will not cause pain to others. I haven't the right.

Whatever is put on your path you can deal with it. Nothing is too hard for you.

You know... the only thing that really helps me when my mind starts flooding with pain and sadness... its that old tried and true kind of stuff.... this will pass.... this is your illness talking.... float above it..... rest in the peace you imagine.... escape the pain your illness imposes.... stuff like that.

I give in to ranting sometimes.... did my share of it around here tonight already... but when I decide I have had enough i repeat until I get it that I am not in a position to figure anything out in the state I am in. I let it go to Creator and invite my ancestors to sit with me, to comfort me, to love me through to the other side of my consciousness.

You still here.... did I speak out of turn with my sidenote? I am sorry if I did? I can be careless sometimes.

No Sanity that is such a beautiful message. It has helped and I am in the process of releasing and letting it go...it could be that realisation that I know I will stand up straight and walk on regardless because I have to and I want to....you have helped me beautiful ((((((((sanity))))))))

Oh I am glad you aare feeling better. You are so strong and so able to walk in your strength no matter what. May you always know and always receive the desires of your heart. Your heart is the pure undamaged authentic expression of you. Blessings hun.

(((( (((( (((( ((((Beautiful Sanity)))) )))) )))) ))))

(((((( Rhiannonsmoon ))))))

When I am struggling, I frequently make assumptions that are not correct. I suppose what I do is akin to a cognitive distortion. To debunk the distortion, I start with the premise I did not intend to be the source of hurt for another. If a review of what occurred shows me I have not acted wrongly, I try very hard to accept that determination.

Of course, I may of done something to hurt another, albeit inadvertently. If so, I try to make it right.

We have some control over what we think. We have little control over others. We simply may try to understand from their perspective. Doing so is not easy. Trying to understand may reduce the anger and bitterness that sometimes is the product of a circumstance that is not our fault.

Be well.

anger is such a hard feeling to decipher as it usually is easier to feel than the true emotion behind it. it can hide the real emotion behind a red wall. you are crying much, i feel that is how we cleanse our souls, truly a gift from god. i know it is not comfortable, the stuffy nose, red swollen eyes. these are the outward signs to show the world that we feel. if we feel we know we are alive. we are made up of all the experiences of our lives, our minds and bodies remember them all and the emotions associated with them. we may not consiously recall these memories but we dream, feel, cry, act out and all these other things so we can work through all of the feelings we have experienced and are currently experiencing. try not to let others bring you down. they dont realize what they have. you are a light. you may feel as if you arent burning as brightly but you still shine. i hope your pain eases and the tears flow less. i send you warmth and strength to help bring you up.

Thank you so much Byz & bridgie, your posts are helpful and very supportive. Thank you for the advice,

Rhiannon