Anger

How do I cope with it? I get angry at my husband my kids the lady who cut me off in traffic, then flipped me off. I don't abuse anyone. I cuss and yell though. The tiniest thing makes me mad. Then I feel so guilty about it. i don't know here it comes from. But I just get aggravated.

It takes a great deal of work, but you CAN make a choice as to how you let those things affect you. I doubt anyone can control their triggers, but with practice you can get to a place where YOU decide whether or not you are going to let these things get the better of you.

Anger is OK. - It's all in how we deal with it. If you cross the line then you should get some help IMO. I'm a mom and sometimes I get so enraged I scare myself but I haven't ever hit my children. I have screamed on occasion - I think what we can teach our children or those in our life is how we can apologize and come up with an alternative plan for how to deal if we need to do something different.

Hope you are more relaxed. A little TLC for yourself can also do wonders.

Anger has been my bugaboo forever. Once I am triggered, I take off like a drag racer until I run out of fuel.

What I try to do is be very aware of what triggers me. Sometimes, walking away is the most prudent thing I can do. With practice, I have been able to catch myself more often before being off to the races.

Good luck, Thunder.

I am with AAAAA on this, I was just the same as you (ask hubby lol) cars cutting me up hubby not doing something right, one of the kids being cheeky to me or even someone taking too long working the checkout at the supermarket !

I did the count to 10 method over a period of a year I got it down to 'just think a bit before you let go'.

Now I am a fairly calm person to the point a friend of mine who did not know me before said wow arnt you a paitent person with your kids !

I was so happy with her I could of kissed her lol.

It was not easy but trust me if I can do it anyone can.

Dear Thunderbear,,, I have made great strides in managing my sudden and violent outbursts in the past few years. I blame this improvement on learning to meditate. There is one form of meditation in particular that helped me the most, called Calm Abiding. Essentially it is taking time every day, (preferably twice a day, morning and evening), to just sit or walk and be Mindful of all the thoughts and feelings that go through you, and DO NOT respond to them in any way,, just notice them, and keep sitting, or walking. Watch your breath, it will tell you right away when you are getting caught in a thought or feeling... When you have done this many times you will find that the skills transfer to real life~!! At the moment when your anger is triggered, some part of you will be watching, and will remember,,, " hey, wait, i don't have to respond to this feeling~!!! " This is one of the most glorious feelings in the world,,, a feeling of Self Control, of worthiness. I wish it for you... Gus

Anger is so powerful! I think it's like any blade -- a dangerous enemy if wielded without training, AND an essential ally in expressing truth and achieve our goals.

I find it helps to remember three things that are true for me:
1. Anger is a means of expressing the powerful energy of fear.
3. Fear is a physical (biochemical) response to not getting a need met.

Here's how it looked yesterday:
1. "The grocery clerk is so slow -- I'm enraged and frustrated and have an impulse to slam my cart into the stand. Okay, so what am I afraid of right now?"

2. "I'm afraid it's taking so long, I won't have time to get home, unpack, make lunch and make it to work on time. Okay, so what are the needs beneath that?'

3. "I have a need to have good food in my body, to be responsible to my work commitments, and to have an opportunity to rest in safety before I head in to the office. Okay, so how else can I get those needs met if this quick-line-at-the-grocery strategy isn't working?"

4. "I can call work and say I was held up. I can prepare a quicker meal than I had planned. i can be late by just a few minutes and remember that no one ever seems to notice. I can quit my job! I can eat at a fast food place! (which is just as drastic as job quitting, in my book )"

I usually do come to a place of ridiculous humor once I remember I have other choices and strategies available. It's like as soon as I can really recognize and appreciate them, the anger and fear dissipate into the incense smoke of laughter and life.

I hope this is helpful!

Delight

I am having some problems controlling my mood swings. I easily get upset at small things and I don't know why. I end up getting so upset and angry that later I end up regretting my actions and feeling sorry to the people I have hurt, especially my husband. It's like I don't think properly before acting. For example, my husband has a great sense of humour and he is often silly and he likes to joke around, and I love it, he is so much fun, but sometimes I find myself getting annoyed or aggravated if the joking is too much that I will just easily get upset, say something horrible to him or storm out of the room and later regret being such a *****. I will also get upset if he makes a suggestion about something I am doing and tries tro advise me when im doing something wrong, I will just get upset and angry on him, when really he loves me and is just trying to help me. I think I might be slightly manis at times, acting strangely. Last night, my husband gave me a belated birthday present. But the way he presented the gift was strange to me. He said "a delivery came for you today but i dont know who it is from" he gave me the gift and left to go to the sitting room. I opened it in the other room, it was so lovely with a lovely card. But i responded horribly just because i didnt like the way he gave it to me, which was just jokingly and playful because of course it was from him but he was just being silly asking me who it was from. Instead of thanking him and giving him a kiss, i just got angry and upset with him, WHY???!! , what he did was so sweet and lovely and i had to be a *****. I sometimes think he does things to upset me, but really he never intends to upset me, he is a really kind and caring husband and I am so lucky to have him. I am scared that I may not deserve him and that one day he might leave me because my mood swings are too much to handle. Does anyone have any advice for me?

that darn anger. seems to get the better of most of us. how do we deal? we cant really hold it in that will just hurt us in the long run. i guess how can we positively turn anger around to benefit us. to the person in the car i suppose we can cuss under our breath and focus more on ourselves and our driving so we can be prepared for the next rude person( there will always be the next rude person) its harder when the anger is result from or directed at someone close to us. we have to be carefull with our reaction because we can easily hurt someone close. taking a moment to let ourselves feel the emotion and then composing ourselves can keep the peace. anyway i hope things get better and you are able to stay calm when the world throws you a bit of irritation.