I was so very angry

I was so very angry until I dealt with the thing that made me the angriest. All my anger stemmed from 3 things.

1: Sexual abuse

2: Doctor saying in front of me "Don't ever talk about it she will forget it, you don't need the trouble"

3: My parents not ever talking about it and that made me feel like I was the bad one

I didn't deal with this until I was 34 and boy was I an angry person.

There is no need to forgive what happened I never will, those men I will confront soon if I have my way and I will tell them what their actions did to me and how badly internally injured I was. Still births and miscarriages because of the fibrose scar tissue they left me with which drew my uterus so taught and twisted I was lucky to have chidlren at all.

I didn't deal with this until I was 34 and boy was I an angry person. It was too late to talk to my dad about it because he had passed away. But I know that he set fire to their "shed" while they were in it. They went to the police, the man who happened to be my "Terra Pater" (pagan God Father) (I was born under the Goddesses Luna Aurora)

He came to our door and dad stepped outside, mum looked worried and was wringing her hands. Dad came back in and said to mum "no troube alls well". Mum looked at me and turned away, off to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. I don't know and I only surmise, that dad said "yes by all means arrest me, but the whole story comes out and they get charged and the story goes in the paper"; they wouldn't want that because they were the sons of local council members.

But mum, when I finally told her that I remembered everything she looked stunned then went stony faced. I asked her if she was going to say anything? She said no. I said what about what this did to me? She said "What about me?". I haven't spoken a word of it since. What is the point?

It's no wonder we get angry and it's even less of a wonder why we get so emotionally sick

aaah Rhia,, remembering is the first step to healing. i have heard it said that : as long as we hold onto the past, it is still in the present. i know you have a long long looooong way to go to forgiving your mom for her silence, the whole family for the conspiracy of silence, but that silence is broken for you, now. I'm glad that you could share with us, and hope your healing is swift and complete~!!! do drop a line now and then, with what you learn, about healing? Gus

((Rhionnonsmoon)) - I don't have any words of great wisdom and words would be inadequate compared to the pain/anger you feel. I'm sorry your parents listened to that stupid doctor. You deserved to be validated, protected and for the perpretrators to be punished. I'm sorry for your pain and anger.

Thank you ((((Gus, Lynn))))

You know I'm not angry about it now, I was back before I was 34. But then I didn't realise what it was I was angry at.

I do admit I have so many problems with mum that I eventually walked away. But I acccepted a long time ago that she is just who and what she is. She's in her 70's now and if she were ever going to change it would have happened already.

I guess I wanted to put it out there in order to give anyone else who might need to touch on something about why they are angry. I wanted them to know that they can and will eventually get in touch with why. And I found that once I understood why, it left me. Sure I still feel hurt about what is suppoed to be family but I also understand the Universe and that I am a part of that more than I am part of a nuclear family.

And with brothers and sisters like you two, and the others here at pc, I don't think, in fact I know I wouldn't have made it this far,

Thank you both so much,

Rhiannon

How did you deal with it For I never have and it affects me and every aspect of life and relationships and though we are different because I am a male and you are a female I do know what it is like for my real father raped me from about 3 til I was 9 years old and I was told if I ever told anyone he would kill me growing up was not easy for i had feelings for both sexes but everytime I would get those feelings for a man I would literally get sick and I still do til this day. I have always thought something was wrong with me and it was my fault and I have never actually dealt with it and there are not many support groups for male survivors of child hood rape and incest so I have held it in all these year's

So my question is how do you deal with something like that ?
thank you