[Sunset-L]

I've been dealing with so many BS in my life that I'm having a hard time coping. I've turned real bitter, no longer a very friendly person. I ignore people even when they ask for directions I kept walking, when beggers approach me, I laugh in their face. If people irritate me I would approach them and beat the crap out of them.. This is how I am now, a very cold cruel person.. This is what happens when I get mistreated so badly..

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((Sunset))))))))

You don't have to be cruel because you were treated badly. Though I know that it is a journey through healing that takes the cruetly away. I used to be that way myself and so I can't and won't judge you for feeling the way you do. Have you ever seen anyone? A counsellor or pdoc? You will get relief from the way you feel, and you need to so you don't end up in jail for causing injury or death to someone. That's no good for either of you is it?

I do know what it's like to be angry and it isn't a pleasant feeling and it isn't a happy feeling. And so many people get hurt yourself included. Please find a counsellor and get help, you will be glad you did,

Rhiannon

[Onward2wards]

Sounds to me like feeling so hostile is really bothering you. If you've been mistreated a lot, and perhaps don't assert yourself well (I saw AVPD on your profile - I have some of those traits also) the feelings can build up and cause a person to become very defensive while still not voicing their needs. I've found it helpful to talk to a therapist, challenge myself WHY those defensive systems are working so strongly, and talk to people here a lot. Share how you are feeling and get some validation for those feelings. It makes me feel a lot better.

[madisgram]

i agree...therapy will help you vent your feelings and assist you with ways to cope with those negative feelings and hurt. i found i needed to have the courage to look at things that bother me. i learned how to understand myself and get on with a new way of coping. the feelings you have toward strangers sound like it's transferring those pent up feelings to ppl you don't even know. i'm sure that makes you even more unhappy. they may already feel bad about their own situation.
so yes i'd seek out help so you can feel better about yourself and also learn new ways of thinking. sorry you feel so isolated but know you can feel better too. it just takes time to sort out who you really think harmed you and ways to deal with it constructively.

[Shark]

Speaking as someone who has been there and back, the most important thing for me was to realize what I actually valued. In situations like this, you aren't cold/cruel because you hate people. Quite the opposite - you are cold/cruel because you really like people but don't have that desire fulfilled! Realize that while in your mind you may be "justified" in your response, it won't get you to where you want to go.

[Sunset-L]

Originally Posted by Shark

Speaking as someone who has been there and back, the most important thing for me was to realize what I actually valued. In situations like this, you aren't cold/cruel because you hate people. Quite the opposite - you are cold/cruel because you really like people but don't have that desire fulfilled! Realize that while in your mind you may be "justified" in your response, it won't get you to where you want to go.

THAT IS SUCH BS! I'm very bitter b/c I DO hate people. I've been friendly and all they do is either give me dirty looks or ridicule me.. People treat me like crap, now I'm going to treat them like one. I've gotten no where anyway..

[madisgram]

well, sunset, what you are doing puts you in an unfortunate cycle...imho it sounds like you have been very hurt by other ppl. i'm sorry that happened. sometimes i think ppl don't really think before they act and they have no idea how much it can hurt the other person. you may find that taking just small steps in being nice to others may yield you some surprisingly pleasant results. if you stay in the mode you are now in, yes, you will continue to feel hurt and angry. i don't believe you are really this way...hurting others, beating them up, etc. and i know carrying around so much hurt is not making you happy either. idk, that's just my spin on it. i do sometimes feel as you do...my solution is to try to find ppl who treat me decently and i stay a healthy distance from ppl who have hurt me. it sounds like you are transferring your anger and hurt to ppl who you don't even know. does that feel safer to you than approching the ppl who have really hurt you irl? (just a thought.) i'm sorry you feel so alone.

as a native ny-er, i know what you mean. it's cutthroat out there. even walking on the sidewalk minding your own business can be dangerous. people will walk right into you and tell you it's your fault. i don't know why everyone is so angry - it wasn't always like this. many people refuse to follow common rules of politeness. it's really a societal disgrace that people are purposely rude and believe it's their right to be like that. on the other hand, do know that anger is a dangerous emotion? it stresses your heart and raises your blood pressure and can lead to an early death. and, being angry all the time makes life miserable. so, it's probably a good idea to get control of this emotion. you do have friends whose company you enjoy and who treat you well? if not, please consider this a priority. you need to find some good company.