[kdclement]

My emotions, omg, where do I start? I'm usually in pretty good control of them but lately it's not the case. I'm falling apart at work, my gf has threatened to leave me and says I'm using up her reserves lately, which in some ways I can understand I guess it can be a little overwhelming at times to be a part of my drama but for the most part I thought I did a pretty good job of keeping things to myself and as most people would say "pulling myself up from my bootstraps" and dealing with it. I'm exhausted and mentally bruised lately with med changes and not feeling a lot of support from the person I'm supposed to be able to lean on. Ok, so maybe I do a little too much leaning? I really didn't think so but I guess from the fights we've had lately, I have. I'm not sure why someone would want to fight with someone that clearly isn't able to defend themselves, but I've been told lately that I'm weak and fragile. I will tell you, (or myself) that that is the furthest from the truth. I have been through hell and back over these few years and I won't let anyone tell me that I'm weak..I have found within myself the strength to take some of my anger and use it to help me push forward even after my med fiasco this last weekend. I won't go into that one just yet but I will say that coming off of lamictal is wayyyyy harder than getting on it. It has been a nightmare. In the meantime my emotions are all over the place and I could really use some support, which is why I keep coming back here..

I love you all for all your support
K

[Elana05]

kdclement,

Depression can be hard on those close to us. Especially if they just want to see us well. Have you and your gf considered seeing a couples therapist? Just a few sessions can really help, I think - especially to work out when you can lean on her, when she can lean on you and when the better thing might be to lean on someone else like a T, or a friend etc...
Anyway, it sounds like you are doing a lot of very hard work!

It sounds like things are overwhelming now. Just take one step at a time...
And be gentle with you...

E

[madisgram]

i'm sure part of your roller coaster ride recently was coming off the lamictal. hope u're feeling better nor re that.
you mentioned holding yourself up by the bootstraps...well justme but when i hold so much inside it usually explodes so perhaps counselling would help you sort out all you've been carrying around. for me that sack gets awfully heavy and quite an emotional burden.
be kind to yourself. feel better soon.

[sundog]

Just want to offer you some support!! Med changes can really do a number on us so I hope things settle down for you soon as your system adjusts. It's great you're reaching out here. I think GFs/BFs/spouses can only do so much and it's really good to have alternative support networks, such as a place like this. Well done for hanging in there!! You definitely do NOT sound weak at all!! Anybody who has to battle mental illness and still keeps going is a hero in my book!! I hope the fight gets easier for you though. Wishing you all the very best.

[kdclement]

aaawww, thank you all so much. I really couldn't do all of this without you. I'm hanging in here and almost off of this roller coaster, I hope. Tomorrow will be my last dose of lamictal. I just keep telling myself I'll get through this.

loves and hugs

[sundog]

Yes!!! You can do it!!!

[Wallowa]

more support... sorry it's hard, hear you that you are tough - and I wish you some peace of mind. med changes are not fun.

[(JD)]

Can you take a week's worth of a break from the GF? You don't want you both to burn out and lose what might become a really wonderful relationship in the future.

Yes, changing meds, or withdrawal from any "brain" med can be a tough row to hoe, and few MDs really realize that, imo.

You'll get through this, but I agree, you may need extra consideration in the process.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

kdclement

We know what you are going through, the internal struggle is greater than the struggle outside of us is it not? We see each issue has its own personality and because of this its own mind and own life. Each struggle can grow larger and a continuing battle that is at times difficult to fight

But then there are the times when the strongest personality emerges and either causes havoc or causes peace depending on what it fights or what it understands allow yourself the ability to simply sit and watch so that you can determine for yourself which personality it is and how strong or weak it is or has become during times since you last saw it

You are at all times doing your best to succeed and survive, as is your loved one; understanding and recognition is always different when one is tired and fighting against an unseen enemy so allow yourself and your loved one the room and the option to be able to turn around and ground within your surroundings

You are doing very well to come off medicants that have what are termed detrimental affects aside to their benefits, and in the longer path I believe that your loved one will come to recognise that it was this fact which placed you into a more vulnerable place

You are a very sensitive and caring person who, though needs to lean onto your loved one, understands that at times you may need to lean a little harder, this is evident by your own words and this time is just one of those situations; soon that need to lean that little extra will be over and you will feel the relief of its lifting. Until that time arrives do not be self harsh or harsh on your loved one, give both of you the love and support you both need to make it past this time

I offer you my hand in friendship and the hope that you feel much better, much soon

Morgana

[kdclement]

I get a break every week and by friday I'm excited to see her we live 40 minutes away from each other so I don't understand

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Emotional space, emotional time. Rather than be thinking about someone all of the time, allow yourself space from that, and them space from that so you each have a free circle around you

You are bruised from what has been happening to you and as you say, fighting with someone who cannot fully defend themself is only going to tax you more, but mayhap that your loved one just did not know how to cope with all that was happening? I do not know, but you will find support and encouragement here which hopefully will help you to get through this difficult time and feel stronger soon

Morgana