[distant]

...leave behind what hinders you today. Letting go is the hardest thing to do....as we all go down this rocky road... the last thing we need is Toxic Memories to keep us from healing....For me, letting go of the past has been the biggest obstacle to overcome... as it was filled with shame and guilt...that I always felt was my fault. I did the best I could with what I had...it seemed so complicated, sparked so many emotions and took my happiness...Now I am taking it back. What hinders you?

[sundog]

Good for you ((((((distant)))))) It's great to hear you are reclaiming your happiness!! And thank you for this thread!

Fear hinders me from doing a lot of things. Fear that I will get really ill, physically and emotionally (worse than I am already). I've had some real doozies of panic attacks and it has terrified me to see how my own mind can turn against myself I am scared of the tricks my mind can play on me and it's hard work trying to find a way through it!!

[Suratji]

Distant,
Can you share how you were able to let go of the past? I have found that it is not that easy. I had 'forgotten' the past, but then it blew up in front of me unexpectedly. I am just now seeing a therapist and I hope to learn the ways to truly forget. I have 1st hand experience that forgetting can sometimes really be repression.

[Umbral_Seraph]

I would have to say that apathy and introversion are what hinders me the most.
Old habits die hard though...

[Skully]

What hinders me is I always have my head in the clouds thinking that things will just happen on their own without my effort. I have to be more proactive in my life and understand my role in it. I have to make things happen instead of just counting on them happening on their own. That is my biggest problem I think.

[Nola22]

My greatest hindrances are self-doubt and self-criticism. I also have a nasty lazy streak that I am able to defeat most times, but it's a sneaky devil and finds new ways to infiltrate my life and entice me...

If you don't mind, distant, I would like to hear your take on letting go of the past too, as Suratji requested. It's been an odd process for me, as there are instances when I believe I've wrapped up a particular part of my past and dealt with it, and it zings itself back into my life when I least expect it. I have been more successful with certain areas and events from the past than others. Always pressing forward though...

Keep up the good work reclaiming your happiness, distant--you don't need me to tell you it's worth the fight.

[hayward]

What hinders me?

-I have not yet really learned real forgiveness- for myself and for others in my life.

-I have not yet embraced the notion of "living in the moment," instead of regretting the unchangeable past and fearing the unknown future.

-I have not yet accepted that who I am is enough, just as I am.

- I have not yet learned to take more responsibility and be more proactive for what I CAN change and do.

-I have not yet learned the value of thinking before I speak, and of saying nothing unless it is positive .

-I don't actually do what I preach and believe in, the Golden Rule about treating others as you would like to be treated yourself.

-I have not yet internalized that life is indeed a process and not a final destination- a notion which sets me up for failure if I don't reach that "successful" goal of a perfect job or life or whatever...

-I have not yet really understood that everyone has "stuff". I am not the center of unhappiness, with a world full of happy and perfect people circling me.

-I have not yet understood the value of finding a passion and other interests, of opening myself up to things which will fulfill me and take away the constant focus on my emotions and mental state.

-I have not yet learned how to stop beating myself up.

So.. how's that?? Can I stop now?? Oh, one more:

- I have not yet learned how to listen to myself and realize the value of knowing what hinders me. I have not yet learned to take that information, internalize it, and DO something so that my list gets shorter and I am no longer hindered!!

But starting right now... I will try.

[lavieenrose]

What you all say echoes loudly for me, too. The same overwhelming fears that have plagued me for a lifetime, a deep-seated belief that I cannot change, that the traumas, the past have forged the personality that I'm stuck with - scattered, forgetful, not learning and building upon, introverted and shy, low energy and lazy, terrible self-critical thoughts that will not shut up. And letting myself be swept along in the negativity, rather than be proactive and inserting some positive action into the moment. Changing beliefs and behaviors seems to involve practice practice practice. I resist and I'm lazy. I'm always wanting something quick and easy to fix the problem, rather than dedication to daily practice of techniques and tools. I'm also forgetting the tools a lot. And post-it notes turn to clutter.

[sundog]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

a deep-seated belief that I cannot change.........Changing beliefs and behaviors seems to involve practice practice practice. I resist and I'm lazy. I'm always wanting something quick and easy to fix the problem, rather than dedication to daily practice of techniques and tools. I'm also forgetting the tools a lot. And post-it notes turn to clutter.

Wow.......I sooooo relate to this. Yes. This is me too!! ((((((((((lavieenrose))))))))) Thank you for articulating it so well.

[Gently1]

What hinders me is asking and receiving help.

[notablackbarbie]

Originally Posted by hayward

What hinders me?

-I have not yet really learned real forgiveness- for myself and for others in my life.

-I have not yet embraced the notion of "living in the moment," instead of regretting the unchangeable past and fearing the unknown future.

-I have not yet accepted that who I am is enough, just as I am.

- I have not yet learned to take more responsibility and be more proactive for what I CAN change and do.

-I have not yet learned the value of thinking before I speak, and of saying nothing unless it is positive .

-I don't actually do what I preach and believe in, the Golden Rule about treating others as you would like to be treated yourself.

-I have not yet internalized that life is indeed a process and not a final destination- a notion which sets me up for failure if I don't reach that "successful" goal of a perfect job or life or whatever...

-I have not yet really understood that everyone has "stuff". I am not the center of unhappiness, with a world full of happy and perfect people circling me.

-I have not yet understood the value of finding a passion and other interests, of opening myself up to things which will fulfill me and take away the constant focus on my emotions and mental state.

-I have not yet learned how to stop beating myself up.

So.. how's that?? Can I stop now?? Oh, one more:

- I have not yet learned how to listen to myself and realize the value of knowing what hinders me. I have not yet learned to take that information, internalize it, and DO something so that my list gets shorter and I am no longer hindered!!

But starting right now... I will try.

DITTO TO ALL. (((((Hayward and everyone else)))))

[yellowted]

my home hinders me the most (well after not being able to walk!!!!) i know i could sell it and move into a bungalow, but why should i have to move from the street i love, it has a great array of eat outs, a couple of decent shops, and a fantastic pub at the end of it, it has people who look out for me(ok they don't do things for me but they phone if they do not see lights on, say hello when i sit at the front door etc), my home has a 250 ft garden which in London is like having a farm (ok it is in need of a lot of work but i can see it's potential both for becoming a great place for relaxing again and as a buisness adventure as a building plot!). anyhow i should not have to sell my home just becausse i am now disabled when i have paid both personal and employers taxes to this government for years when there are so many others who have been too lazy to work who have been provided with everything from the government using my taxes!!!

[trixielou]

what hinders me rite now is my husband calling (separated) & telling me his feelings & issues when he needs to reach out for help & do that with a trusted mentor which hes never been good at asking 4 help or even admitting he needs it we cant be together hes too toxic 4 me mentally & physically my health suffers cuz hes got narcissistic & sociopath type tendencies in other words verbal abuse & mental & also he cant stay away from drinkin & refuses to be man enuff to tell certain people to stay away & he stays miserable no matter what & living with someone like that especially if ur in a fragile mental state anyways makes it worse so thats whats bothering me rite now

[Elana05]

OMG I wish I knew. Most days I just feel so different from everybody else. I can't seem to move from one thing to another like other people do and I can't seem to step back into the stream of the world. Things feel very slow.

[lastyearisblank]

A combination of life circumstances and poor choices!

[Pengygirl]

My inability to deal with emotional issues really hinders me, and my relationship with my boyfriend.

[purple_fins]

not being able to "feel" most emotions, I think that hinders me.....

I believe I fear most emotions(anger, joy, love)
and so it's been safest for me to mostly be numb.

if I feel, then that would make me real
and if I'm real that would mean I
have a place in this world......
but, where is that place?? I know not........

fins

[ButterfliPrincess11]

What hinders me is things in the past. A past relationship when i was with my first love. That really hurt me to the core. Now i compare every guy i dated to him, thinking they will do the same thing that he did to me. Im in a relationship now and it's not doing well because scared he will do me the same way. Something that had happen in the past, that i have store in my mind cabinet never to see the light of day that pops up into my mind recently. Things at work with my boss, a whole another subject. And many more. I ready to let it all go and start fresh for the new year.

[greywolf2]

My self esteem and fear hinder me. I have a very low self esteem and I have this fear of losing people. I usually keep my distance in friendships but maybe thats due to my bipolar. Its no fun being around someone who's mood goes from happy to sad to angry in the course of one day or minutes.

[whisperfades]

cus i'm shy and can't say the right stuff

[surferrosa]

I agree with Nola 22.. self-doubt and self-criticism are my worst enemy

[BrokenNBeautiful]

self-criticism, "who do you think you are?" "what gives you the right to...?" "what makes you think you should..." so many tapes...

I am learning things in hypnosis now.

It's helping.

Billi