[drpepper]

I've had a lot of changes and things happen the last year for me.. I got my first boyfriend, my dog that I had for 11 years died, my parents are divorcing and acting like bratty teenagers that hate each other, I started a new job, got my first car... My OCD is getting way out of control and it's very embarrassing. I'm having a really hard time concentrating. And lately I've been forgetting things...like numbers and how to turn the lights on in my car. I usually love talking to my friends and now I feel like keeping up a conversation is like work.

My boyfriend keeps telling me that I never tell him my opinions,thoughts,emotions,ideas... He feels like I don't let him in. When he asks me what I'm thinking about I always have to say "I don't know" or make something up because I really don't know how to express my thoughts. I feel like I've completely numbed myself to all feelings good or bad. I can't think clearly..I just want to eat and sleep all the time. Like my body is on autopilot and I'm just watching it do my OCD rituals and eat and do basic survival functions. The worst thing is not being able to communicate with my boyfriend though. He broke up with me recently because of it..but we're back together now. We're both 22 and have been dating about 10 months.

He thinks I'm keeping my emotions and opinions from him and not letting him in but I really just DON'T KNOW how to say them or sometimes I just feel like a zombie and my mind is blank and I just feel tired. We keep having these times when something weird will happen and he'll get upset and I just won't have a clue why he's reacting that way. I feel crazy! And then he'll keep talking and telling me what he's feeling and I sit there in silence while he tries to get me to talk to him. And usually I have to be away from the situation and think about it on my own to understand better and then I text him what my feelings were or are. I know he really wants to know me better, he wants to know all my emotions and opinions and thoughts. He wants me to let him in. And I REALLY want to but I don't know how. I feel like there's something wrong with me..

Is this depression? Is it major sleep deprivation? Am I just defective?? I don't understand...

What do you guys think?

[Kymaro]

I don't think your defective.....that I do know. Sounds like a normal response to all the stressors you are under. Geez, I don't think I could handle all those stressors as well as you are. I see you managed to text him how your feeling, have you thought about sitting down and writing a diary? Something that says "Just how you feel", even if it starts with "I don't know how I feel", just keep writing

Sounds like your BF really wants to be there for you, locking him out will not help the relationship. Try writing down all your thoughts and sharing the paper with him, be there when he reads it so if he has any questions your there to explain. I have used that technique a few times and most of the time it works by opening the flood gates.

Good luck, I understand the feeling of "going through the motions". Its no fun.

((hugs))

[Leed]

Does he know about your OCD? Have you told him? Ask him to look up the meaning of it, and how it affects people. If he wants to know you better, just TELL him how sometimes you feel numb and confused. Tell him that all the stressors that you have keep you from being able to categorize things ~ and it's hard to know HOW you feel about anything!
I can certainly understand that!! When I get over-stressed, there is NO WAY I can understand my feelings - they're all OVER the place, and I don't know where they belong!

There is no way that you're defective, my dear. And there is NOTHING wrong with you. With your parents acting like little kids, and the fact that you're grieving for your precious pet ~ along with the normal stresses of life, how CAN you know what you're supposed to be feeling? I'm sure you're angry with your parents, plus you're grieving for your pet -- and the world is in chaos ~ good grief!

Just try to take care of YOU. YOU are what matters. Forget your parents - they are supposed to be adults - let them figure things out. You are the most important person right now. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by drpepper

My boyfriend keeps telling me that I never tell him my opinions, thoughts, emotions, ideas... He feels like I don't let him in. When he asks me what I'm thinking about I always have to say "I don't know" or make something up because I really don't know how to express my thoughts. I feel like I've completely numbed myself to all feelings good or bad. I can't think clearly....

He thinks I'm keeping my emotions and opinions from him and not letting him in but I really just DON'T KNOW how to say them or sometimes I just feel like a zombie and my mind is blank and I just feel tired. We keep having these times when something weird will happen and he'll get upset and I just won't have a clue why he's reacting that way. I feel crazy! And then he'll keep talking and telling me what he's feeling and I sit there in silence while he tries to get me to talk to him. And usually I have to be away from the situation and think about it on my own to understand better...

Sounds familiar -- a little like what I described here, maybe?

That post I just linked to mentions grounding techniques -- more about those here. I wouldn't be surprised if you found some of them useful, too. Unfortunately I can't find where I first read about walking to the bathroom as yet another grounding technique. It may not even have been at PC.

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Edited to add: I did find something like it in a list of techniques for dealing with anxiety. The author calls his list "coping strategies" rather than "grounding techniques" but they'd probably work in lot of different situations: The anxiety & phobia workbook By Edmund J. Bourne. The link ^ should take you to a Google Books copy of that page.