[Elana05]

I have this problem where I am always convinced I am doing the "wrong thing." I just never can trust myself!

[Open Eyes]

Relax Elana, I think almost everyone else feels the same as you.

I looked at your profile and there isn't much there to go by, no age or personal thoughts. I am on the east coast too, so we have that in common.

There are different kinds of depression so all I can say is that sometimes being depressed can be from where you are in life and what you have had to deal with in your life experience. BUT, depression can cause a sense of internal guilt and a feeling that you just can't seem to know what to do or what direction to travel. Many decisions are made just to simply do something rather than nothing. In a sense I think depression itself is an overwhelming sense of doubt.

BUT, if it helps any, we all have doubt and we all have trepidations. I don't look at depression as an incurable state of mind. I think of it as a mind that is going thru a period where one is stopping and wondering where to go next and is confused. Almost like being in a crowed room with so much noise that you can't think straight. Sometimes you need to go someplace quiet and create a plan or a path forward and out.

You can PM me anytime and I will help you anyway I can. RELAX!!!

Open Eyes

[Gilead]

Originally Posted by Elana05

I have this problem where I am always convinced I am doing the "wrong thing." I just never can trust myself!

Elana,

Interesting. I'm the only one I really trust. When I make a decision to do or not to do something I think of it either as having the expected result or an unexpected result - but it is never "wrong". Try to trust your instincts and don't worry about "wrong". Sometimes we tend to worry about the "lasting affects" of things - I try not to. I may create a bend in the road of my life but I trust that I can straighten it out again.

[Leed]

I too have often questioned my decision making skills, but I like what Gilead said. Even tho I questioned my skills, I guess I figured that whatever I did, if it blew up at me, I always be able to correct it.

I made a DILLY of a "stupid" decision a few years ago, and it HAS blown up at me. LOL But I'm not going to die because of it. There is always some way of handling it. There is ALWAYS a "way out." lol You are NEVER without an exit ~ somewhere you can always rectify the situation. So trust your instincts - and even if it does go bad, so what? Life is just a learning experience. LOL I learned not to make that mistake again. LOL Ya gotta laugh at things you "mess up." Life isn't to be taken so seriously. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Elana05]

Do you think if you were always told you did something not-quite-right by a parent it is more likely to stick with you, even when you feel like you should have outgrown it? I'm in my 30s now. Other people seem able to brush it off when a parent chides them or questions their decisions. I have the hardest time with letting it go. Whenever I make a decision I hear my dad's voice - wondering why I did what I did and emphasizing that it was the wrong move.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Elana05

Do you think if you were always told you did something not-quite-right by a parent it is more likely to stick with you, even when you feel like you should have outgrown it? I'm in my 30s now. Other people seem able to brush it off when a parent chides them or questions their decisions. I have the hardest time with letting it go. Whenever I make a decision I hear my dad's voice - wondering why I did what I did and emphasizing that it was the wrong move.

by all means, elana. your father drilled that into your head until it became a false belief that you believe about yourself. this causes you to keep returning to a feeling you are always wrong. i found that i needed to replace the false beliefs about myself. using sort of an affirmation. i would write it down and carry it with me. everytime the false belief popped up i'd re-read the affirmation. such as-"i'm not perfect. no one is. i am human and value my opinion. i make mistakes like everyone else. i may not always be right but the world will not come to an end if i'm mistaken. i am okay."
hope this may help.BTW being an ACOA plays a part in what you feel negative about yourself, too.

In my case, this comes from a lifetime of "Always do what you're told, exactly as you're told, and nothing else." I'm not sure I've figured out *yet* that I'm the one who tells me what to do now.

[Yoda]

Elana, here is a quote that I like -

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
Theodore Roosevelt

[lone_twin4]

I haven't questioned my skills so much as... my belief in Fate always makes me convinced I am accidentally turning away from it! Which doesn't really make sense but all the same... I recently turned down a job and freaked out about it for days. Not because of the money or the opportunity, but because 'what if my soulmate had been there and now I'm going to never find them?!?!"

[lastyearisblank]

I have made decisions that have not ended up being the most practical thing; fine. But I am also equipped with this remarkable organ in my head... no matter what mistakes I make, it just comes up with all these rationalizations for why it's all going to be ok anyway. And life really has born this out! So far.

[Okami]

I have a very common feeling that tends to linger with me. Hell, I feel it right now with certain life decisions. It can really throw me into an anxious state.

But recently, I've just tried to go with the flow. Its more of relaxed take on life, but it really helps. Its better than being uptight all the time. The way I figure it is that if you're too busy being concerned about always making the 'wrong decision', you're probably too into that to be open to other opportunities in life.

Besides, lets face it - there is a good chance it isn't the wrong choice at all.

[Citrine]

I dont even feel like Im making decisions sometimes, Im just drifting. Something comes my way that seems good fortune I take it...it doesnt work out most of the time. I always think Im an intutive person but this last year has seriously turned that upside down. Now, having this depressive episode come along, I really have no d clue what im doing at all. G Im confused! so hey..I get ya

[nice girl]

Yes. . . . I feel the same. . . . and glad to know a lot of us do to. . . .
Just relax. . . . U r gonna end up just fine. . . . Tc. . . . God bless. . . .

[SadNJNY]

I can relate to this thread. But most of my major wrong decisions have come from simply not listening to my inner voice:

- Something told me that my ex-wife just wasn't the right person for me, but I married her anyway out of fear that I wouldn't meet anyone better or more attractive. Now, I find myself again struggling to fight off the emotional abuse she winged toward me at the end - and that happened 10 years ago.

- I was so desperate for money about 6 years ago that I took a job that I knew would blow up in my face and set me back both emotionally and psychologically- as well as my career. Every ounce of my being told me to walk away. But I took it anyway and within a year all of my worst nightmares about the place came true. Again, I sold myself short. I actually felt blessed when they canned me.

Hello, Elana05. Perhaps it is time to look at cognitive distortions and negative chatter again:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/fix...e-distortions/
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...nking-hurt-us/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...essing-you-out
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/48485

Be well.

[SadNJNY]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

....

Those are excellent links, thank you!

[Transcending1]

Originally Posted by Elana05

Do you think if you were always told you did something not-quite-right by a parent it is more likely to stick with you, even when you feel like you should have outgrown it? I'm in my 30s now. Other people seem able to brush it off when a parent chides them or questions their decisions. I have the hardest time with letting it go. Whenever I make a decision I hear my dad's voice - wondering why I did what I did and emphasizing that it was the wrong move.

This was my childhood experience, someone always undermining my judgement. My mother is NPD/HPD. She was extremely critical and perfectionistic. Failure was such a devastating experience as a child and any child of an NPD will know that no matter the outcome, you always fail in their eyes. As an adult, I second-guess every decision I make or feel so conflicted that I choose not to decide anything. It's really effected my sense of self and hampered my career/educational goals.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Transcending1

This was my childhood experience, someone always undermining my judgement. My mother is NPD/HPD. She was extremely critical and perfectionistic. Failure was such a devastating experience as a child and any child of an NPD will know that no matter the outcome, you always fail in their eyes. As an adult, I second-guess every decision I make or feel so conflicted that I choose not to decide anything. It's really effected my sense of self and hampered my career/educational goals.

Hi Transcending1.
I hear you...
I think both of my parents could be diagnosed as NPD, although they never have been. For my entire life it has been "let me turn the conversation back to being about me a split second after you have said something about you." Lately I have been really coming to terms with accepting that I will be forever ignored by them, at least the true me, the real person will forever be ignored. It makes me sad.

Originally Posted by Transcending1

...It's really effected my sense of self and hampered my career/educational goals.

I can so relate. I am struggling with it today.
So... you are not alone.