Freaking out!!! Why is life doing this to me!

My Dad is going to be moved to the afternoon shift at work, and the company is going to die with in the year but that's not what I'm worried about. What I'm worried about is that as a 16 year old I don't believe I can take care of my 9 year old brother properly by myself. You can say "You're not going to be" but I am.

My Dad will go on afternoons, 2:30pm - 12am and then he has his other job which has to be completed by 6am. I live with him only so there is no mommy to help. If you can put two and two together, you'll realize that I'll only be seeing my father for about 1 -2 1/2 hours everyday besides weekends and I'll be stripped of a life until my Dad's company dies. I'll have to be mommy, the parent, I'll have to clean, cook dinner, take care of him like a single, unemployed parent while trying to juggle my own school work when I go back. There will be no more going out to dinner, no more seeing my father, no more going to movies or the mall to hang out with friends. Nope.. Not that I did much of that now but I WAS starting to be a normal teenager..

I heard the news, started crying, I can't do this. I really, really can't do this. I don't WANT to be alone, I don't want to have more responsibility.. I don't want to only see my Dad on weekends when he lives with us! My brother can be so difficult, and we're both really attached to my Dad. He can't even sleep without him so what on earth are we going to do!! Why does my life have to be this way?? I can't even cook rice for heavens sake how on earth am I going to be able to provide three square meals a day!!!? What if something bad happened, like my brother got hurt or I got hurt? Why is this happening, how are we going to enjoy life AT ALL.......

My anxiety is going through the roof.. My life is literally over.. I guess I'm going to have to get used to sharing my life with depression as there is no way I could ever be happy now.

Hi darling I'm sorry!

Please don't look at the big picture, try baby steps.

Can you cook rice, yes!

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/videos/1035/cooking-rice

You are in my thoughts.

Hire a nanny? Sorry to hear your going through a rough patch.

We can't. It's much too expensive. My Dad would quit his job and do something else if not for how tight money is at the moment.

What about setting up "play dates" for your brother? He can have a friend over sometimes and he can go to a friends house sometimes. I found with my boys, that having a friend over actually makes things easier on me because they entertain each other and when he is visiting a friend it will give you some much needed time to yourself.

That's a lot on your plate at 16...I'm sorry you have to deal with all this.

Your brother can help with the housework, 9 year olds can vacuum, dust, clean up after themselves, do dishes, and loads of other things.

As far as time to hang out with your friends, can you bring your brother along?

Do you have any other relatives or neighbors (grandparents, etc) who can give you a hand during this transition? I know it sounds impossible, but I believe in you and you can do it!

Meals might need to be creative for a while - heck, when I'm stressed out my kids have a bowl of cereal for dinner and they love it! But if you can read, you can cook. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Fresh fruits and vegetables (which are so healthy for you) just need to be washed and cut up.

Hang in there hun...you can do it!

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/r...nerrecipes.htm

http://oldrecipebook.com/refrigeratorbiscuits.shtml

http://www.cookingwithkids.com/part5/teen-recipes.html

http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/main.aspx

Here's a couple links to get you started cooking! And don't forget, you can always ask questions on here!

One more thing....no one is "born" knowing how to manage a household and cook, etc. It is something everyone had to learn along the way. My first Thanksgiving turkey was burnt to a crisp on one side and ice cold frozen on the other. I know the thoughts of this are overwhelming, have faith in yourself that with time it will all be okay!

Thank you for the support. The thing about my brother is that he's not just a regular 9 year old, he's a 9 year old with mild intellectual disability and while there are things that in theory he is capable of doing, it's hard enough to get him to brush his teeth and shower. He's also very demanding and seems to crave attention. I've tried taking him out with my friends before and it was more like my brother and I plus the kid who I dragged along to suffer with me (when we have to leave anywhere my brother will run and scream and lay on the ground and grab onto things.. u know pull the tantrum.. but the thing is, is that he's about 20 pounds heavier than I am and it's hard to wrestle him off or even convince him to stop).

My extended family all live more than a half hour away.

I'll study the recipes and try to soak up as much courage as I can in the next couple weeks before the big change.

Does your brother respond to a reward system? I have a younger sister who is mentally disabled and growing up she responded well to a reward chart. We just made a chart of what she needed to do, brush teeth, make bed, etc. and she'd get a happy face for each task she accomplished. After a certain number of happy faces she would get to choose her reward from a list (never anything of monetary value) it was sometimes silly things like she could listen to one song on her radio as loud as she wanted, a bike ride with the sibling of her choice, a board game or book....things like that.
She also was stubborn and strong and it was a lot of work to get her to comply with simple instructions (things she was very capable of in spite of her disability) and she responded very well to the rewards.

yOU CAN DO AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE TO. STOP AND THINK HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO LIVE IN A HOUSE, WITH A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD. IN MANY SOCIETIES SOMEONE OF 16 IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD, ALREADY WITH ONE OR TWO CHILDREN TO CARE FOR. I WAS MARRIED AND A FATHER AT 18 AND QUIT COLLEGE. EVEN BEING BI-POLAR I RAISED MY FAMILY, STUDIED MUSIC AND MADE A GOOD LIVING AS A CLASSICAL MUSICIAN AND TEACHER. IT TOOK ME 14 YEARS TO GET THROUGH COLLEGE, AS I TOOK JUST ONE OR TWO CLASSES A YEAR MOSTLY AT NIGHT. I WOULD PRACTICE MY CELLO WHEN I GOT HOME FROM AN OFFICE JOB. I WOULD PLAY WEDDINGS ON WEEKENDS THE RELOATED WITH THREE CHILDREN TO WISCONSIN, FLORIDA, SOUTH CAROLINA, MARYLAND AND VIRGINIA TO BE WITH BETTER ORCHESTRA'S AS I PROGRESSED. IT WAS VERY VERY HARD.

DON'T GIVE UP BEFORE YOU START, AND FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF WILL DO NO GOOD. YOUR FATHER IS RELYING ON YOU AS A PARTNER. THINK OF HOW HARD HE WORKS, FAILURE ON YOUR PART IS NOT AN OPTION, WHEN OTHERS NEED YOU DON'T GIVE UP. YOUR FRIENDS CAN COME TO VISIT YOU AT YOUR HOME INSTEAD OF THE MALL. TAKE TIME TO LEARN TO COOK, THERE ARE RECIPIES ON EVERY BOX OF FOOD. AT 16 YOU ARE A YOUNG ADULT AND HAVE RESPONSIBILITES. YOU ARE NOT BORN WITH THE RIGHT TO HANG OUT AT THE MALL, PUT OTHERS NEEDS BEFORE YOURS AND IF YOU QUIT NOW THINK HOW YOU WILL BE LETTING YOUR FATHER DOWN. FEEL SORRY FOR HIM NOT YOU. IF THIS SOUNDS TOUGH THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED TOUGH LOVE, I AM NOT SUGGESTING YOU DO SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT DO. I CRIED WHEN I HAD TO QUIT BEING A FULL TIME COLLEGE STUDENT BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND WAS PREGNANT. AT 18 JUST TWO YEARS OLDER THAN YOU I HAD MY OWN APARTMENT AND FAMILY. YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself.. babysitting my brother is something I've had to do my entire life. I've had to drop out of school to care for him. I can't go back until September I haven't been all year because my Dad relies on me. I've had to care for my brother all summer ever since he was born, and it was only the past few weeks that my depression was lifting, letting me actually enjoy my life for once. I've been down and suffering because of the pressure, the overwhelming responsibility. I'm NOT ALOUD to be a teenager, I wasn't even aloud to be a kid, because abuse stripped me from ever enjoying my childhood. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I was a spoiled brat crying about not seeing my friends, but I'm not. It was only the past few weeks that I actually started seeing friends I had just made for the first time in years.. I gave up on life and I've been trying to regain what I gave up.. and now I'm forced once again to give up a life I never had to care and pay for mistakes I never made.

I was upset because I was scared. The stress my brother has put me through has pushed me to tears, pushed me to violence, and pushed me to suicidal thoughts. My brother has taken off in split seconds and it was me who had to go running looking for him while my Dad was out, it was me who had to get yelled at by the cops, yelled at by bus drivers, yelled at by teachers because my best simply wasn't up to par. This was just when he was my part-time responsibility. Now he's going to be my full time..

Yes, I'm 16 so I have to help my parents, I have to help my brother, the mistakes my parents made I've had to pay for. Yes, my Dad works and makes the money but I'm the one who fights with my brother, I'm the one who gives the discipline, I'm the one who has to be mom when I never had a mother myself. I've had to fight for my problems to be recognized, I had to fight to get myself into therapy. My efforts have NEVER been recognized, no one has EVER thanked me. Yeah, I have to support everyone else, but, what, if I ask for a little support, I ask for a little attention, a little break.. I'm a horrible person?

OUCH! I think you're being a little harsh here and in my opinion, comparing apples to oranges. You CHOSE to be married and have a child at 18, she is being ASSIGNED this role. She is scared and right now she needs support and advice - not chastisement! I don't want to speak for littleforgetmenot, but imo she has fought through her depression and is resuming a "normal" teenage life to the best of her ability, this is all new to her with her dad changing shifts and I imagine a bit overwhelming, like the title of her thread - she is freaking out. A little empathy and wisdom would be more beneficial than a lecture.
We all know that life doesn't always turn out how we imagine, we cope the best we can. I have complete faith that she will be able to manage everything that has been thrown on her plate, but give her a second to absorb it all please

I hope you don't take my post the wrong way, but I am just going to state how you feel.

It is tough to have a parent that can't be around all the time, but you DO have a parent, and he is doing what he can to keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Which is more than what most people have. My Mother left me when I was 16. My real Dad didn't come into my life until I was 12 (and I don't have much contact with him, his wife hates me) and my Step Dad was an abusive parent much of my childhood. I moved in with my Grandparents which was nice considering the home life I had, but have no contact with my parents or my siblings.

I am not trying to feel sorry for myself, or make you think that my problems are worse than yours, but I am sure your post would bring some strong feelings to other people who are going through or have gone through things similar to you. You're 16 and practically an adult, so you CAN take care of your brother, you'll have to. I was doing that way before 16. You're mature enough to handle it, so I don't know why that factors into your anxiety.

I understand that sacrifices will be made, but they have to be made. I worked 7 days a week from the time I was 18 until just recently. I had NO time for friends, family, or anything else. I did it because I had to. To survive. Which again, isn't intended to make you think that my problems are worse, just to let you know that I get it. I understand. I didn't go around and complain and feel sorry for myself or anything like that, I stepped up made myself even more responsible (if that's possible) and did what I had to do. Recently I was able to quit my second job and now I do get to spend time with my friends, but it took me a long time to be able to do that. A year is a while but it's not an eternity, and unlike me you WILL have the weekends to go and do things, so you shouldn't feel so bad about it right now.

What you need to do is just step up and take responsibility. This happens a lot in single parent families. Just be glad you DO have your Dad and he is trying to do all he can to keep things steady.

Good luck to you.

I am stepping up, I am taking responsibility. When I cried I wouldn't let my Dad see so he would get worried. I haven't said anything to him about being scared. I know what I have to do, and I am going to do it, but not everyone can go through something and keep completely silent or completely unaffected. I'm not a person who just suffers in silence. I used to be, but the 50 counselors I've seen over my life have changed that. When I'm freaked out and scared I'm going to say so or else I'll never be able to calm down. All this goes to my anxiety because I have anxiety and I get triggered over things that other people don't think is a big deal, people have put me down and mocked me over it before.. but that doesn't mean it changes anything besides makes it worse.

And now, I wish I hadn't posted this topic in the first place.

You are fine with posting this LittleForgetMeNot! It is a big stress in your life right now and you're reaching out for help and support...there is nothing wrong with that - it is healthy to look for support when we need it!

We all have the stories - walked to school barefoot in the snow, uphill both ways...

That doesn't mean by any stretch of the imagination that this isn't a difficult, overwhelming time for you.

I'm actually disappointed in the direction this thread is going - I support you and will help you anyway I can.

Come on folks - let's show a little empathy and support here - my two cents!

It's okay to friek out from time to time, doesn't mean you'll be living in it. You'll have hard days, not doubt about it. My mom was diagnosed schizophrenic when I was 7, moved out with my three younger sibs and helped my mom.....I had to drop out of high school when things at home got too rough to handle, my dad totally out of the picture and my mom paranoid schiz. I took a babysitting job full time, and did okay.....there are no words that can make it all okay.....all you can really do is your best? It's okay to fall short sometimes, just set your sights on doing your best....you go where'st you aim. Don't be afraid to ask for help/guidance... I am not hearing you want this taken away from you, I hear you just want to be heard and are frightened at failing. Ya, what you have is tough....and calls for a lot of self discipline, don't do what I did, by withdrawing and going under, don't be afraid to ask for support, as you did here. You did good to bring this here. We all want you to succeed. As was said earlier, baby steps, one step at a time will get 'er done....it won't last forever, and that's something I guess I neglected to see when I was there.....seemed totally overwhelming, but if you reach out for help, there's nothing you can't do. Everyone, everyone, needs a mentor. No one succeeds alone. Let us know how we can support you?