[spaceid]

So I've been seeing a guy since February. I thought we were dating, but now through a miscommunication I'm pretty sure he just thinks we are friends with benefits. (it is a long story). I have to have a talk with him about this on Friday. My problem is I'm having a very hard time coping with the anxiety, depression, and apprehension this is causing me. I start crying at work, luckily no one has noticed, and I keep having nightmares. I'm constantly stressed and sad. I don't know how to deal with this. This is the first time where I have ever felt connected to someone so much. I am so comfortable with him and I adore him. I'm 28, but I've never gone through a break up before. I'm so scared and just don't know how to cope. I don't feel right talking about this with anyone I know. I just want someone to hold me, tell me they understand my situation, and let me talk their eat off. Sad part is the only person I feel comfortable enough to talk about personal stuff is him. I don't know what to do.

[Direction]

Originally Posted by spaceid

So I've been seeing a guy since February...

Well let's see here...is that February of last year? If so, I can see that is a good amount of time to get invested in anothers life. If you have been seeing him since this February...that leaves you about 90 days to get to know someone on a significant level. Does that seem short to you?

If it was this 90 days you maybe grieving more about what could have been then what actually was....it can be helpful to gain perspective on what is causing all the emotions...

[MadyJohannah]

I know how you feel. I started dating this guy "steve" in October a few years ago. I fell totally head over heels for him. He was nice, charming, very handsome, the whole nine yards. We hit it off perfectly. I spent every waking minute that I could spare with him. I lived about 20 minutes away, but worked in the same small town in which he lived, so I would stay with him most nights (and days) and we would do everything together. It was perfect. Until one morning, the following March, when he was telling me over breakfast about the perfect woman he had met. She was so beautiful, smart, funny, yada yada yada, and it WASN'T me. I was devastated. I couldn't even speak. I had no idea what to say. He could see that I was upset and he told me that I had no right to be because we were just "friends with benefits." I had no idea. I couldn't get over it.
It took a while, but the best way I found to deal with that was to just leave it completely. I severed all ties to him and anyone "we" knew that had anything to do with him. It helped me get past it, although it still riles me from time to time. I was 28 at the time and didn't think that that could ever happen because everything seemed so perfect. I may have been wishing and hoping, as you may have been also, but it does get better and easier. It may take a while for you, as it did for me, but trust me, things will start to look up. If you're like me, you'll realize that you deserve someone who will treat you with a little more respect than that. I hope you feel better and cheer up. It can be hard, but you'll pull through with more than you had going into it.

[eskielover]

It is sad how the dating scene has changed.....guess there is a good point to keeping yourself for marriage.....that way there is NO CONFUSION because there wouldn't be any "Friends with benefits".....it would be "friends" only & if you want "benefits"....it comes with commitment & NOT BEFORE.

I understand the feelings that you experience with this....it just really does prove that sex with a person does create a connection especially for women that is not always wanted to be acknowledged....not so much with men unless they do hold the same values......as it has been throughout the centuries.

Wondering if the emotional pain is really worth having "friends with benefits"?.....or are the other values worth holding onto? Maybe going through these experiences will allow you to more realistically assess your emotions in future relationships....meaning that this could have been a good experience to have as you will be stronger & know yourself better for your next relationship.

[wantstobe]

I totally understand. I have been playing that game for almost 8 years. I recently ended it (I hope) and that's why I am here. I need some strength and support. We have tried to end things many times before, but neither one of us will leave the other. It has made me crazy. We both agree, it's something but neither one of us knows what it is. We love each other, but we are not in love. We live in different towns about 45 minutes apart. We have never lived together. Communication is pretty much nonexistant. He never wants to talk about "us" and he gets mad and accuses me of being a detective and jealous and everything else. I have never tried to change him. I have accepted him, the situation, and everything. Nothing I do is good enough for him. I wish I could just walk away and let him go, but I cannot imagine my life without him in it. He says the same thing. He only tells certain people I am his girlfriend. Some of them don't even know I exist. I have been the one giving and giving in this mess and I'm all tapped out. If I sound scattered and all over the place, it's because I am and my thoughts race and it's gone on for so long. I would just like my 30's back please, seems I wasted it on someone I can never have.

[spaceid]

Originally Posted by wantstobe

I would just like my 30's back please, seems I wasted it on someone I can never have.

That is what I am scared of happening to me. I'm sorry you were in the situation because I can understand the stress it causes.

My situation is still confusing, considering he's been constantly texting me all day. I like it, but hate it because it is like, "Does he like me or not. He sure as h*** pays a lot of attention to me. You would think he didn't have any other friends but me."

I almost had the talk with him today on the phone, but I chickened out. He knew I was sad and asked me what was wrong. I made up an excuse. This sucks.

You said that you and the guy loved each other, but weren't in love. I've never been in love before. I want to be with him, but I won't let myself be until we have the talk. But I do adore him so this makes things very hard. Especially since he is becoming someone that I can turn to when I need someone and I don't feel that way with anyone else I know.

This sucks. I have a little bit of hope, but I'm too rational to just believe it will all work out.