[iamspecial]

Im not having a good day...i had my appointment today with my T and has a surprise (not a good one) there was someone with her i didnt know what to do with myself and didnt really want to talk i did talk tho and the other person joined in (kept asking me questions )....i couldnt look at them for feeling really bad It wasnt a group session.....the other person works with my T (they are colleagues) nope...nope it deffo wasnt a group session....i dont do group sessions my T said that b/c i have been feeling the way i have (for a long time now and i havent improved) she wanted this other person to JOIN us with our chats so that if she isnt available i still have someone that could help (been feeling really bad and wanting to die) not good i know but still i didnt like it....i kept picking my nail varnish off instead of looking at them b/c i just couldnt look at them (my T knows about this website) and i told her i post poems on here so now this other person wants to read them my T never asks to read them ever till now i didnt know what to say to her b/c i didnt know this other person but she acted like she knew me and i couldnt...i just panicked and didnt know what to do..its really got to me now....cant believe she pulled this on me I wish she told me 2 weeks ago that she wanted someone in with us next time we met then i could have prepared myself for it or i would have said no thanks and not gone to see her...i feel soooo stupid now and im soooo upset with her and angry (i dont normally feel angry but upset....i always am) UGH!!!!

Your feelings are totally valid.
I don't think it's right that your T sur
prised you with this at all.

I think the right thing would have been to ask your permission to have someone with you and to explain to you why they were doing it, so you would understand, and maybe give you a quickie intro at the end of the last session, just so you could shake a hand or say hello and just see this person in advance and know it was coming.

I would be totally upset as well.

[Caretaker Leo]

oh special

I am sorry to hear you got surprised like that. While it could be good that someone else gets to know you and can be there as a backup to your T, it would have been so much better if you had known ahead of time. And been given the choice.

I hope you let your T know how uncomfortable it was. Your T should be there to help you - not cause more anxiety for you.

We'll be here for you at PC.

Hiya,

i wanted to validate your feelings. I would have been totally upset too especially if I was in a vulnerable place as it sounds like you are. If I were you I would email or call my T and tell her how upset that made me even though you know she's trying to help. The other person probably read through all your notes and is why she seems to know you but I'm not even sure that's legal without your consent. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Keep reaching out here, we're a pretty supportive bunch.

Love and hugs,
Tara

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by jadedmoonbeam

Your feelings are totally valid.
I don't think it's right that your T sur
prised you with this at all.

I think the right thing would have been to ask your permission to have someone with you and to explain to you why they were doing it, so you would understand, and maybe give you a quickie intro at the end of the last session, just so you could shake a hand or say hello and just see this person in advance and know it was coming.

I would be totally upset as well.

I'm totally with jaded here. Your t is wrong to spring this on you. I would be furious!

Not only was it wrong, Iamspecial, but it is illegal. Your medical/mental health information is confidential unless you sign a release. It's not even legal if the person asks you and you verbally say, "Yes." The person needs a signed release. It's great that your therapist is being proactive and setting up a "backup" person for you in case of an emergency and she isn't immediately available, but she should have spent a session setting up the introduction of this new person to you. Springing the person on you is definitely not okay! I've been caught in these situations with medical doctors. You go for an exam and the doctor walks in with a visiting resident and says, "You don't mind if Dr. So and So observes, do you?" It isn't really a question because the doctor immediately launches into the exam portion, never expecting me to say, "Uh, yes, I actually do mind." I've finally gotten to a point where I'm able to actually object to this invasion of privacy without feeling I'm guilty of being uncooperative or rude. Our medical and mental health issues are private and we have the right to maintain control over who and when someone else is invited into our confidence. I hope you're able to talk about this with your therapist and let her know that you appreciate her efforts to give you the support you need but you expect her to respect your privacy and talk to you first before springing something like this on you. And if it's too hard to say the words to her in person, write it out and give it to her! She needs to know she stepped over the line.

[SoupDragon]

I would be absolutely mortified if this happened to me. I believe and trust that what I tell my T is completly confidential - although understand that my T has to have supervision so my stuff may be talked about as a "case" but I would not expect that the supervisor would be able to identify me at all from what my T shares with them.

I guess I accept however that if my T had real concerns about my ability to keep myself safe that they would reserve the right to breach our agreement, but again when possible I would expect my T to tell me this first.

I wonder if your T may have some concerns about your safety? Also I wonder whether you can discuss this with yout T face to face or via letter / e-mail? It may help you understand why your T felt it necessary and may start to bridge that gap in trust.

[iamspecial]

Jadedmoonbeam: Thank you for your comment....i still am really upset with this and so tempted to SI but i cant i need to be strong and not do it...i know that but im just soooooo upset i just dont know what to do with myself

Leo: Thank you hun...sorry i keep missing you! i know its been 2 days now and im sorry but this has really thrown me of track (shes ment to help me not make me worse!) i know but she has no idea what shes done thowing that other person at me without warning me i cant tell her....i will have to write it down and send it her.

tara: Thank you for your comment....im going to have to email or send her a letter..i cant talk to her...im soo upset..its unreal and i feel even worse now and....i just cant really say much more...i think i have said it all already....each one sounds the same at what i am going to say. she never even asked me if it was ok....she gave me no warning or hit that this was going to happen why now..

Flooded: Thank you for your comment.....at least i know what im feeling is normal and not just me being silly or stupid by all this i just didnt see this at all.

Jaybird: the person who was in the room with me and my T knew what med im taking and i never told her that i was on med!! she named my med to me saying they are not going to help me at all.....what do i say to that apart from well der i already know that but talking to my doc is like talking to a brick wall....give it time...not been on them long enough...blah blah blah im just sick of listening to the same things of my doc so i give up telling her anything and now my T has done this to me i just really dont know what to do anymore....i want to give up..i have nothing here anyway.

SoupDragon: i guess she prob is has all i want to do is end my life but im still here fighting and kicking......thanks to some poeple on here that is....she thinks i might end up being a danger to myself...i think...i do SI when i get like this but so for so good i havent....i have distracted myself instead but i feel sooo low...i cant get up...im drowning and no one can rescue me from this (not even me) i would have loved more notice so i could be perpared but i was....i will have to write it down and give it her...i cant talk to her....not goning to go back and see her now...she cant be trusted and that other person might be there again

Thank you all for the comments and knowing my feelings are normal in this kind of thing..the olny thing is now i dont know what to do with myself theres only one thing that i want to be but mustnt do it no matter what UGH im sooooooo......idk anymore

sorry for ranting and being stupid with all this.
to all

You are not being stupid Iamspecial...you got upset and you came here and asked for help....I think you're being very strong and very brave.

Definitely send T a note to tell how you feel - maybe you will get an explanation of why this was done which will make you feel better?

I hope you you stay strong Iamspecial!

[iamspecial]

Thank you..im going to but im finding it sooo very hard.....i just want to give up...thank again for the encouragement to stay strong..means a lot

[PleaseHelp]

I agree with everyone here. That was way out of line and completely uncalled for. Its one thing to give someone a heads up and ask their permission. Totally something different to have someone there who seems to think that by reading your file they know everything about you! You're more than your file. And I don't even know if it was legal for them to read your file without your permission. You have every right to be pissed off. I think it would be good to write your T a letter if you can.

I also would have a hard time going back to her b/c she has totally broken your trust.

We are here if you need us. And you are doing very well staying strong. Hang in there. Sending you safe and gentle hugs.

[mgran]

How are you today Special? i'e been thinking of you.

[Caretaker Leo]

(((special)))
Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. And remember, you aren't stupid and PC is a safe place to rant when you need to. We have all been in that place.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Even if your T had good intentions, she went about it in a completely inappropriate way. If I walked into a session and my T had a colleague there, unless I had given permission in advance, I would have left. Your feelings are very valid. I am shocked that a T would think it was okay to do this without consulting you first...kinda leaves me speechless

Writing a letter is an excellent idea...I would also consider going to T's supervisor (if they have one)

Good for you for not using SI to cope! You should be proud of yourself! That shows how strong you really are!

okay so I kinda of disagree with everyone here (not trying to pick a fight just stating what I think) I think that yes she should have warned you (that bit wasn't okay) but I think that the rest was okay. She felt like she needed someone else who could be there to support you, she obviously would have thought about why she did it and I'm sure will have perfectly good reasons although I dint know them. While I do understand why you feel upset by this I don't think what she did was actually wrong, except maybe should have given you a little notice.

I have many times had my psychologist get other psychologists involved without me knowing until they were completely involved. I trust my psychologist completely, so I know that when she did this it was only so I could get the support I needed at the time. The most recent time this happened was when she left for 4 weeks Friday and told everything about me to another psychologist who I have never met or even heard of who is supposed to take over my care for the time my psychologist is away.

I think it would be different if she was telling a complete stranger about you but although the person is a stranger to you she is not to your T, the person is someone your T knows and works with, so I think it's okay. Although I'll say once again although I think it's okay I see why your upset.

Take care.

[iamspecial]

PH: Thank you soo much for my hugs!! ((((((PH))))))) Thank you for your comment too....she really has thrown me...i still am really pissed about it and at the end her giving me numbers to ring if i want to SI or ring her (yeah right has if i can ever trust her) UGH im soooo frustrated....why didnt she give me a warning like 2 weeks before? i have no idea where to start with writing to her....maybe you guys can help me? im soo lost and need guidance with it!

mgran: hey sis LTNS!!!!!!! thank you for commenting sis is been ages and i was soo glad to see you yesterday.....you know how im feeling lol i hope you are doing better than yesterday..please keep me informed!!!! your son is a star for looking after you and making sure you eat!! ((((mgran))))

leo: Thank you for my hug leo...(((((Leo)))))) Thank you for your comment too....i just dont normally rant soo much...and i kinda feel bad for ranting over this...it kinda seems stupid now....well to me it does but she really has upset me...talk about having trust...where was that when i went to see her? she saw me sat waiting for her and i saw this person walk behind her and didnt think anything of it....till i got up and followed her she turns and says oh yeah this is who ever she said her name was shes joining us....WHAT!!!!! my face drop, i looked at the floor..got in the room looked at the floor the whole time picking my nail varnish of my nails getting really upset and angry wanting to do damage to myself but stuck with picking the nail varnish off......im not going again...i dont think i can face that again b/c i know that person is going to be there again and she wants to read my peoms what i write im not ready to show them to her...i dont even know her....i feel soo idk im rubbish with words....she knew what med i take..i didnt even tell her i was on any..only my T knew...UGH! see im ranting again..im sorry leo

Can't Stop Crying: Thank you for your comment...i was soo shocked when she told me there and then....she didnt even ring me up to tell me....she didnt say anything to me in our last session that she was going to bring her next time....people ask me why i dont trust them...well this says it all..my own T betrayed me so why should i trust anyone else? UGH!!!!!! this isnt fair......i trust soo many people on here and now mt T has done this to me its like im fighting to keep that trust with them b/c i keep thinking my T betrayed me then everyone is going too aswell and thats not fair....they havent and i dont think they will but im torturing myself to not believe the lies that my head keeps saying...im not proud of myself b/c before my T appoinment i had already SIed 3 days before b/c i was upset and frustrated so i have nothing to be proud about....apart from managing not to this time even tho i really want to...im not that strong really...im a failure.

[iamspecial]

TheQuietOne: i dont totally trust my T yet....i only let her know sertain things and thats all i dont fully trust my T and now i never will trust her....not after this.....i dont run to her when im the way i am....there is only on T i trusted and the stupid government took her away and left me alone and helpless and no one else will be has good has her so i wont open up....i only said what i did to her b/c my life is crap and i cant see why i bother being here and putting up with this.....i just want to get out of this hell im in and so for theres nothing for me......im better off not being here.....and im soo sick of people being 2 faced!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!! this world is full off people that cant be trusted and if you do trust them they just stab you in the back calling you names and making life seem not worth living....you may trust yours but i will never ever trust mine ever again....why should i start over with this person she works with? its only going to make me worse...having to start over or even having to let my guard down...its not fair on me. Thank you for your comment tho but im sorry but im still pissed at what she did..

[Bmee2]

Hi iamspecial, i would have freaked out too. We would write T a long letter with all of the feelings and fears and .... everything. i would make a copy and mail the letter. You might even do it in stages...i did when the pdoc said something that upset me so much i wanted to end it all. i would explain what meeting that stranger for the first time in what was suppose to be a safe place meant for you.

It is okay to be angry with your T. T's are human so ... they make mistakes sometimes. Hope you feel better soon. Even if you do not mail the letter, it may help you feel better.

Thinking of you, lots of hope and courage to you.

[mgran]

Special, you're not a failiure. You're holding it together at college, your fighting your illness, you are full of compassion. I really admire you.

[iamspecial]

Bmee2: thank you for you comment.....i will try doing that...and thank you for the encouragement and hope...im losing mine...each day seems worse not better...so i have to make the choice.

mgran: thank you but honest im failing my work..mt illness is getting that bad...im behind and no where near finished....im just gonna have to think and act (i have no idea really what to say sorry) great to see you are on today sis...sorry not going in chat im just posting and PMing messages....not sure when i will next be on here...talk soon sis

[PleaseHelp]

I have had a T let me know that she had just found out that she was expecting triplets. (I knew she was pregnant) She talked to me about WHO she wanted me to see in her absence and IF I was comfortable with it. She recommended someone that I knew! All of my Ts have always given me a heads up to let me know that they will be gone or that they are concerned and told me what they would like to do and asked if I was comfortable with that, whether they were going to either be transferring/co-T me, having someone else on back up, or who to call if they were on an extended vacation. I either already knew the person or was introduced before just being handed off (so to speak).

Speacial: you are doing the best you can under these circumstances. Keep posting here and talking about it. You maybe struggling in college but you are still there and still fighting. Hang in there. We are here for you.

[iamspecial]

Thank you PH...i know you are all here for me...i just dont know anymore...i soo want to give up now....things are just too much and i cant ring my T b/c of what she did...i hate it love you PH!!

[googley]

Special-
I was wondering if you are seeing someone in a training clinic? Ie the T you are seeing is still in school? If so, this might have been your Ts supervisor. While it is not okay for this to be sprung on you, her having all the information on you makes me wonder. Is this the case?

I'm so sorry this has happened. I hope you talk to her about it.

[CupcakeQueen]

:/ I'm shy when meeting new people. I don't get overly upset. I just get nervous about their intentions & about embarassing myself or being socially awkward. However, if I had a T & they surprised me like that, I'd be upset. I might not be AS upset as you, but I would be upset that they didn't at least MENTION it to me.

This woman, I'm assuming, knows about the social anxiety you described having. She should have known what to expect with this. I'm not sure how she could have seen going about this situation in that particular manner as being the best way to do it. She should have built you up to meeting this person if she knew you have trouble with social anxiety when meeting new people. She should know that throwing a new person into her session with you would greatly distress you.

You should be able to trust your T with ANYTHING. It's a shame she betrayed your trust like that. It's definitely a good idea that you tell her how you feel. I hope that you stand strong & don't hurt yourself. If you have any friends or family that you feel comfortable speaking to about it, it would probably help. If not, you could send me a message if you'd like. I'm a good listener. I'm in no way a professional, but I've always been good at lending someone an ear.

[iamspecial]

googley: shes not a student....she is fully trianed.....so it wasnt that....if she was then i would have understood but shes not so im upset with her. thank you for my comment.

cupcakequeen: thank you for the comment and thank you for saying i can message you anytime..means a lot!!!! im going to try and tell her, may just tell her to read this...she knows im on here for support so if she reads this she will see