I Don't Even Know What To Title This.

I like this one. I assume you are still doing his chores and cooking/cleaning/caring for kids and stuff..... so fk him up!

I too am motivated for revenge in many situations, and would like to cream this bastard on principle just from hearing what he is doing.

You are tough, I would discreetly seek legal advice, and make sure you royally fk him up in the end. Karma is too slow, and never happens where the wronged can watch.

((((((((((lynn P))))))))))

I would start stashing cash aside also for when it hits the fan, as I expect it will at some point. Nobody can live like that without a homicide eventually....

The thing also is that love can be there between your kids & your husband & you can be civil to him.....but what is it really teaching your kids about what marriage is really about? I know that my messed up marriage that I stayed together for all our daughter's life with us left her with a completely dysfunctional idea of what marriage is all about & she has chosen so far NOT to get married even though she really loves kids & would have loved to have kids of her own. In my case, I was not able to keep myself from fighting with him over the things that we disagreed with.....but then, it was mostly everything, so it was hard to keep quiet. Only when I could get myself into tolerate mode was there any quietness in the living conditions. I think with all our dysfunctional marriages of our age, it's no wonder that the younger generations are having such a even worse time with marriage relationships because they don't have any good examples to follow

When he controls you with threats, do you check them out to see if they are valid?

Does your 'remaining kind' somehow negate his cruelty?
Given what you describe, if it was me, he'd be walking to work if he car wasn't running.

I do not know Canada divorce laws, but if you haven't already, you might talk to an attorney to find out what your husband can and cannot do if you were to divorce him.
I'm wondering how, apart from material things, does your unhealthy relationship with your spouse benefit the children.

Everyone who has responded so far, made very valid points and questions. If I were to insist on living apart, there would be a big fight where he wouldn't want to bother keeping this house - it's too big for an adult and 2 kids. The housing market is bad ATM and because we declared bankruptcy, we don't have credit, therefore I woudn't be able to get a mortgage for a smaller house nor would he feel like helping. So I would be stuck renting a less than nice apartment with no guarantee it would be in this area. The kids would have to change schools and that would upset them. I would still have to deal with their father so the kids could see him. The only change would be him not sleeping in his room nd I don't think it makes sense to do all that just to avoid seeing him for the short time he's here.

When I wrote this I was triggered that day but generally we interact good together in front of the kids. I'm not making excuses for him, but he's been dealing with emotional issues the last 6 yrs - lingering depression and family dysfunction on his side. He was also physically abused and his own father periodically beat his mother when he was a boy. The girls understand I'm choosing the best option for them ATM. If I pressure him ATM to split, it would spell financial disaster, just when we're beginning to get our financial legs moving again. I can't be 'selfish' and just think of myself only.

I've reached a point after all the anger and sadness of this shock, to see this from a rational point of view and behave like an adult. In my mind I look at him as the father of my kids and as a human being who has issues himself. I feel sorry for him sometimes. On a daily basis we rarely argue, except for occasional annoyances. I know this is hard to comprehend. Yes there have been times where I've hated him but there are also times when I have compassion and see him as a wounded man. Yes some think he deserves to be hurt like I was, but that would hurt my girls. I like this quote "love your kids more than you hate your ex". Living separately won't make him disappear completely and we'll be in worse shape emotionally and monitarily.