[beauflow]

I get asked to explain more and after I do it seems like no one understands.

Ya know that scares me a little, if not many understand and I go in to therapy, ... I don't think I'm such an odd ball,

I know I've been told when telling a psychiatrist about our family my brother was told: "in opinion it was in the top five worse" that psychiatrist had heard of (session in prison),
but I get worries with I maybe wrong with bein so odd :-(

Any ways in the end it doesn't matter, cause all that matters is how well I cope. And that I do what true in my heart

I just want some understanding I guess which I can't always get, and I feel like a fool with exposing myself, feel like a child lead into a trap.


Thanks all and I do appreciate 90% of the understanding from ya all :-) thanks!
I guess it will prepare me for real world exposed of thoughts

[shezbut]

That psychiatrist in the prison certainly wasn't very good ~ so I would take what he said with a grain of salt. His remarks were unethical and would only fuel the flame.

I do understand your fear of letting other people into your private emotional world. There is a risk. People may make you feel crazy when they can't possibly relate. People may anger you by making rude remarks or by defending those that you view differently. people say all kinds of stupid things in life.

The smart and kind people in this world carefully phrase the words that they do say. Especially professionals who are working with people in a fragile state of mind. We are fragile when we're talking about our experiences ~ we're put into a different state of mind, and it's scary. It isn't easy.

But a good therapist (T) will approach things carefully. They won't push into talking about things you aren't ready to talk about. That's your part of the job. You decide when, and how much you will share with the T. Hopefully, you develop a bond with your T. Those are the times that you can test the T with a little emotional piece. See how they handle it. Hopefully well, and you can move onto talking about bigger issues in your mind. The sense of trust comes from time and little tests ~ that takes time to achieve.

I have been to many different T's over the years. They aren't all great. But most T's really do care and do want to help you. They are the great majority. Btw, talking about that psychiatrist with a T would be a great issue to share in your first emotional session. Their reaction and response ought to be a big clue on whether or not you've got a decent fit.

Best wishes to you!

[gma45]

I understand that feeling of being lead into a trap. I feel the same when talking about myself. It is a trust issue I am working on.

[Sunna]

Do you understand yourself? I found I don't. I thought I did. I had thoughts and I could say them and write them out. Words and sentences would come out, nice and gramatically correct, well rounded and logical, so it seemed to make sense, but I don't know what I am really saying, because next sentence is saying something completely different. Then I started discovering that my emotions are very often hiding the opposite.

That's why working with a T can be good, because they can help us understand ourselves. But I remember quite a bit of resistance, not so much that I won't be understood, but that by forcing me to state things in words, which are such primitive representations of what's really going on inside, I will be reduced.

[SoupDragon]

Yes I too am trying to understand myself. Maybe by sharing our stuff on here with friends with T's, it can help us. My T tells me to just be interested in myself and not judge myself.

It is hard exposing ourselves, I too feel a fool and sometimes also really scared when I tell too much.

[disguise123]

[sad mekmek]

It's best to discuss your fears to a very good therapist for better understanding. I think this will help you a lot.

Hope you'll be better soon.. Best wishes!!

As I have stated several times previously, many therapists have told me I did not understand. To be told I was incapable of understanding cut to the bone. I told several of the therapists perhaps the real problem was their inability to properly explain themselves. No matter anymore. What I do understand is I am responsible for my well-being.

beauflow, I truly hope you find the understanding you seek while here.

[beauflow]

I got a call the other day from the county mental health center that said they wouldn't help me last week, but they called to say yesterday about how after reviewed my info and they are able to, I called them back this morning when they opened, and had to leave a message again I hope I don't have to talk to a crabby lady again this lady who left a message sounded nice.
sigh guess I will try this maybe still see about a sliding scale independent therapist but I really don't have the dough so will try the county.
Thank you all again I appreciate everyone's input and sharing, I guess I'm just saying I'm trying to get help

[beauflow]

I did it... I was lucky some how and didn't have to leave a message today? I'm confused but, this lady I talked to was really nice! She told me I was taking a good step and good for me for calling ... It was the most nerve racking call I have ever made and have I was flustered and after the call I misplaced all my stuff in my apartment, even my phone, geez I need to just chill right? Its ok... I tell me....
Thank you all... Guess just an up date, feel scared... I have an appt to talk to someone I'm scared, Blah I feel sick a lil now