[kaliope]

I generally keep my feelings to myself, i dont trust easily, but now i have people in my life. They say "call me/text. I will be there for you." So when I do decide to take the chance to reach out, they dont answer their phone/respond to text. I do understand they have lives too, but I cant help but feel a little hurt. Am I justified in this?

[Flooded]

I've never believed that "I'll be there for you" bs so yep, totally justified.

[Umbral_Seraph]

I've never believed it either. It seems no matter what they will suddenly disappear. I don't ever bother to initiate contact with people.

[addcolin]

People are people. . .
Can't rely on anyone out there. . .
Only the inner being speaks true to you. . .
But as above, so below. . .
Reflections everywhere. . .
Trust your Inner Being . . .
That Still Small Voice. . .
Will guide you through the maze . . .
of Life. . .
Or something like that?
Just random thoughts. . .

[eskielover]

It's not what they say but what they do that counts. I have friends now that are really there when I need them & they have never said that they will be.....they just are.

The other day when I was going to meet with the Real Estate lady to look at some farms around where my farm is, my eskie Chinook was dying & I had to cancel at the last minute. A friend was going to go with me to look at the farms & I called her up to let her know that I wasn't going to be able to meet her because I had to take my dog to the vet because something was horribly wrong. She showed up at the vet's office to be with me & help me deal with loosing Chinook.

Like I said...it seems like people who usually talk about helping are the last ones to act, but those that don't say anything are right there when you need them.

[FreudSig]

This is life, this is the human nature. People often appear to be what they are not. You have to do it all by your self, you can not rely on anyone in this world. But belive me the biggest help you will ever get is from you own and this is the most important.

[Cnytroxy1973]

I have serious trust issues. I don't want to be disappointed by anyone so I don't let ppl get too close. I don't want to be judged. If someone asks me why I do what I do or think how I think I may lose my temper and "go off: on them. It's easier to keep to myself.

[kaliope]

thanks for all the support guys. i guess i can at least count on PC "friends" to be there for me.

[danii24]

yes most of the time its an empty promise. i dnt no why people say it for. if someone i no needs to talk i acctually be there for them but then they dnt be when i need someone it is frustrating.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Kaliope,

Definately can identify with you there. I had a Friend like that. I was like you I didn't reach out even though I should of. I was aching and dealing with all my emotions on my own. Then when I did reach out.... I was ignored, made to feel like I was bad and in the wrong. Now I don't bother with people. I keep it all in as I can't tell people anymore. Ironically my Friend said "I will always be there for you" and even got me a book maker saying just that..... this infuriated me.

Hope your ok!!

[kaliope]

so i go to work today. the friend i called this weekend to talk to, who has assured me up and down that he would be there for me, come help in the middle of the night if needed, but then did not respond to me, just gave me a jovial "hi kaliope" like he does everytime he sees me. no mention of missing my call saturday night, no checking to see if i am alright when he knows how poorly i have been doing lately. i know i am feeling sorry for myself. its just that he has always made such a big deal about being there for me because he has issues too and understands where i go.

[yellowted]

I have learned to not believe, trust or rely on anyone except me, that way i do not get let down, people who were friends for years when i was ok to do things for them disappeared into thin air as soon as i needed them to help me! I find it hard to understand why people say things they are not prepared to stick to. I know my childhood was not right, but i was brought up to do what i say i will do, and to never break a promise, so how come it is ok for everyone else to break promises and dismiss what they say they will do???
I never expect anyone to do anything for me these days, if they do then it is a bonus.

[eskielover]

I have also noticed that people just say without thinking "if you need anything let me know, I'll be there".....it has become just the socially accepted thing to say as part of the "good-bye".......sadly, they are almost as empty of words as when someone asks you "how are you" & really doesn't want to know. So much of our societies niceties have become meaningless rhetoric because the words sound nice to say, but really have no intended actions behind them.

Think it's an all-over society problem & isn't just your friends who are doing it. Know it doesn't hurt any less, but I think it's really a deeper level problem of how our society is heading.

[318mph4me]

Wow, new here and it feels good (although the responses are sad) to hear others that understand and have had similiar situations. I don't reach out often, I stuff my feelings. I have found that others don't quite know what to do with all my feelings/emotions. I think it overwhelms them. I try to remind myself, "no expectations, no let down." Bummer though because it causes me to pull away even more and the lonliness adds to my sadness.

[leeches]

Currently experiencing a similar situation, took a big risk and confided in my supervisor about my current issues, the therapy etc. Only to get no response. This is after said person has told me multiple times that if I ever need advice, or just want to talk, they would always be there... Very few offers of assistance are genuine.

[kaliope]

just cant trust people. a couple years ago i went to a training with two coworkers, also considered friends who said they would be there for me. the training was on suicide. it triggered me bad and i started to experience pychosis. the design on the carpet was moving, the walls closing in. i had a mini breakdown. we went out to dinner afterward and i guess i was demonstrating some bizarre behaviors. a while back another coworker, not so much a friend, while talking about another suicide training, brought up my breakdown at the past one, which means my "friends" told her what happened to me. i let it go. water under the bridge. then yesterday, i was walking past the bosses office and she waved me in while she was on the phone. she was talking to someone about a suicide training that was coming up. said she wanted to give me forewarning about it because she wanted me to go but she remembers what happened last time. which means my friends told my boss what happend too. i feel violated. i was so vulnerable back then and trusted them. its one thing to tell my boss, maybe that was necessary, but no real reason for it. but to tell this other person was just plain gossip. does it come down to we can only reveal our mental health struggles to our T? must we remain isolated an alone in the real world because normies cant tolerate and understand what we are experiencing? how come people cant have compassion for what we are going thru? right now i just think people suck.

[danii24]

Kaliope thats terrible,
I tld some friends summit and they were tlking bout me behind my bac summit vry hard about abuse and they tld another friend. One of them even let it slip they ws tlkn about how it wasnt evn important what happend. There my best friends and the close ones that i posted about b4 saying they were good friends. I do not trust any 1 now and people do suck. cant trust no1 nt to gossip i suppose people are jus gossips anyway. from now on i dnt give any1 a reason to gossip by keeping to myself. And if you dnt tell them any thing they get upset if i dnt tell them stuff because they go do you not trust me and if you say why theyd say cop on

[Sunna]

With casual promises not kept, I found the fault lies, at least partly, with me. I hear what I like, but I don't ground it. And how can I be pissed at others for not keeping their promises where I know how much I promised self, others, and the world and done maybe 1% of it. I've never found energy to do right by the semi-feral cats in my neighborhood. I've never revisted all those places I swore I will. I haven't gone for a walk yesterday. I haven't gone to the gym, like I swore to my friend I will. I haven't called people back, I haven't kept in touch after they left, I haven't visited when passing through their town, I haven't even tried. I haven't cleaned up the old beehives. I haven't fixed my motorcycle, or sold it. I haven't shared with my neighbors the extra plums, like I promised. Why would I expect world to be any different? Why would I waste my energy hurting because someone did not do what they said, and probably genuinely even meant in that moment, they will do?

And one person's gossip is another person expression of concern for the fellow human being. If I'd rather not have the whole office know, I have to make it clear to each person you share with that you will take it badly if I found out this was passed. People have no idea I may feel ashamed, if they would not feel ashamed themselves.

p.s.
I am not saying there isn't a malicious gossip. Some people's overuse of generalization have led them to condemnation of everyone else, so of course they will feel free to spread rumors and even invent stuff - probably in revenge for real or imagined wrongs dealt to them by "everyone" else.

[jk2833]

Originally Posted by kaliope

so i go to work today. the friend i called this weekend to talk to, who has assured me up and down that he would be there for me, come help in the middle of the night if needed, but then did not respond to me, just gave me a jovial "hi kaliope" like he does everytime he sees me. no mention of missing my call saturday night, no checking to see if i am alright when he knows how poorly i have been doing lately. i know i am feeling sorry for myself. its just that he has always made such a big deal about being there for me because he has issues too and understands where i go.

Dear fellow member this has to be one of my all time favourites! I wish I had a pound for every time somebody has said that to me.
The worse people for it are very close friends and family,well in my case.
I remember years ago after a failed suicide attempt my mother saying to me why didn't I tell her things were so bad,erm well I've being seeing a psych since I was 13 and telling you I can't cope surely that must of been some indication?
But the worse thing I find is that my mother will do anything to help others,to me my family are my world.
So after all these years I only rely on my husband and my cousin,I also have one best friend who is good to me,and I make sure I constantly sing their praises and thank them for all they do.
I'm also physically disabled so I do require a lot of personal assistance too so I have a support worker who comes in daily to assist me.
Too many people offer to help if you need anything nowadays,but what they don't realise is that we (well I used to) take it literally that they will help,but they don't.
So I would be careful who you trust and who you can rely on no matter what,and if others offer just smile and say thanks,your better off relying on yourself and a select few.
I've had many an argument over this matter.
So keep safe,only trust those who you know won't let you down and don't dwell on it too much,remember those who talk about you must have sad lives if thy have nothing else to talk about
Best wishes
Jk

[Omers]

I think a lot of people WANT to be there for us... so they say it even when they really are not able to do it.

[Sunna]

Originally Posted by jk2833

.
So keep safe,only trust those who you know won't let you down and don't dwell on it too much,remember those who talk about you must have sad lives if thy have nothing else to talk about
Best wishes
Jk

Well said!

Perhaps it is a skill. They make a promise, you ask if they're sure, they hesitate, move on. If they confirm, seem sincere, ground it a little, like great, which day can they come, or 'really? is it ok I call your home number? how late is ok with you?"

And some people are gutless flakes, they will swear up and down, and never mean a word.

But don't get bitter and discard everyone before they can even prove to you whether they are dependable of not. For 10 bad ones, there may be that 1 you can depend on, and 1 is all you need.

[filensave]

Originally Posted by Sunna

But don't get bitter and discard everyone before they can even prove to you whether they are dependable of not. For 10 bad ones, there may be that 1 you can depend on, and 1 is all you need.

I like this, it gets very hard to remember that there is that one out there when the ten surround you...but every once and a while the one will show up.

My friends say this to me a lot. The best is when they say, I'll text (message, call etc) later, or I'll let you know when we can get together, then nothing. Ugh...but sometimes I wonder if it is me, if I'm being to quiet about it. Anyway, completely agree with what people have said