[emptybee15]

I hate the holidays. They remind me of just how much I have NO ONE to really enjoy being with.

My birthday is this month, not looking forward to the disappointment of that day. I'm sure no one is going to do anything for me. My boyfriend is just really on my nerves right now so, I don't even expect him to do anything great. I just want to scream and rip my hair out and cry and disappear.

I have to keep going though. Everyday, the same crap. I swear if I didn't have my son I would run away and no one would hear from me again, except my mother. She's the only person that's there to help me, but she doesn't know how to show emotion, so I get none of that from her either.

I'm just so tired of living. 2012...do your thing, PLEASE!

[SophiaG]

I know it doesn't count for much but you aren't a nobody to me, so you aren't a nobody to everybody.



I am sorry you feel ignored though. You won't be ignored here.

[emptybee15]

Thanks so much, Sophia. I do get ignored on here too, but I appreciate the ppl who do show me love.

Thanks again!

(((((emptybee15)))))

Sorry you are feeling so isolated. Remember that you can post on PC anywhere, anytime, about how you're feeling. There is always an abundance of caring and supportive people here.

[needfixing]

(((hugs))) your not a nobody!

Originally Posted by emptybee15

I hate the holidays. They remind me of just how much I have NO ONE to really enjoy being with.

My birthday is this month, not looking forward to the disappointment of that day. I'm sure no one is going to do anything for me. My boyfriend is just really on my nerves right now so, I don't even expect him to do anything great. I just want to scream and rip my hair out and cry and disappear.

I have to keep going though. Everyday, the same crap. I swear if I didn't have my son I would run away and no one would hear from me again, except my mother. She's the only person that's there to help me, but she doesn't know how to show emotion, so I get none of that from her either.

I'm just so tired of living. 2012...do your thing, PLEASE!

It's crazy how I feel your pain exactly. I feel the same way about the holidays & my BDay is this month as well. Around this time of year is when my depression has hit it's highest peak. I hope you make it through the rest of this year ok. Good thing you have your son & mom to keep you grounded. I'm sorry that she doesn't show much emotion...I grew up with a grandmother who was the same, but I had to realize thats just who she was as a person. Keep your head up & just hang in there girly! Pm me anytime & take care *hugs*

[tattoogirl33]

Originally Posted by SoFragile88

It's crazy how I feel your pain exactly. I feel the same way about the holidays & my BDay is this month as well. Around this time of year is when my depression has hit it's highest peak. I hope you make it through the rest of this year ok. Good thing you have your son & mom to keep you grounded. I'm sorry that she doesn't show much emotion...I grew up with a grandmother who was the same, but I had to realize thats just who she was as a person. Keep your head up & just hang in there girly! Pm me anytime & take care *hugs*

WOW! I'm right there with BOTH of you!! My birthday is one week from today.. Yay me.. lol My (now ex) just informed me that he has decided to go to Texas over my birthday.. So I told him where to go.. 3 years ago I took HIM to FL for his Birthday!! WTF?? I'm sick and tired of not having anyone I can depend on.. I truly HATE this time of the year too.. POOP!

[kaliope]

So it sounds like you are a SOMEBODY to your son and a SOMEBODY to your mom who does show her caring by helping you and a SOMEBODY to all these strangers here on PC who reach and support you here. So when you do get caught up in all these negative thoughts that are so easy to have this time of year, you need to pull these three FACTS out to contradict them. Repeat them again and again. You do have people who love and care about you.

Wishing you a happy birthday!

Hello Emptybee...,

I'm sorry you feel that way today. Feeling will always change; up one day and down the next, so I think you should remember that your feelings of hopelessness and frustration will very likely lessen with time. In the future, you might look on all of this emotional anguish in a much different way than you do now.

Happy Birthday! It might be a bit early but I believe the universe/god/whatever celebrates all of our births in its own special way. Even though it seems you feel very, very alone I don't believe that, in reality, you are alone at all. Sometimes when I'm at my lowest points, I'll just meet someone who says just the right thing at just the right time to make things seem less scary and overwelming.
I come from a traditional yankee family(purital/calvinist) and they value hardwork and emotions and similar stuff , I believe, they see as luxeries. I've learned to cope with this, as best I can, by following the suggestions of therapists and doctors and other trusted folk. I can't always get emotional support from my birthfamily, but it is available, I just have to sniff around and be patient. I never panic, it won't solve anything.
It sounds like your boyfriend isn't providing emotional support right now, or not enough to heal you. Long term relationships are tough, for both parties. I believe they will always require work and patience to maintain. I've been married for 10 years and my wife would definatly agree with me. We have both gone through the entire spectrum of emotions; happy, sad, angry, infuriated, depressed lonely, unfulfilled etc.. We have learned to communicate and comprimise and we both avoid blaming and falsly accusing and name calling and threats. We love each other in a very real and practical way. Homeymoons never last long, when they end, the work begins, I believe.

I'm glad you reached out and I hope my words help you to feel less alone. It helps me to help you

A.

[faerie_moon_x]

You're not nobody to everybody. I know it is easy to feel that way! I feel that way a lot, too.

But, you say you have a son. You don't say how old he is, but you are somebody to him, regardless. My dad and I have a rocky relationship. He irritates me with his stubornness and constant negativity, and I irritate him with not behaving the way he thinks I should. But you know, the day he's gone is going to be a horrible day. I only have one dad. I've already lost my mom so I know that is irriplacable. Recently he was in the hospital and all I could think all day was "please don't die."

I hope you feel better. And Happy Birthday! I think December and January are hard months for a birthday thanks to all the other things going on. But your birthday is important! I hope you can find something really fun to do that day. Give yourself a big treat.

[emptybee15]

SoFragile and tattoogirl...too bad we don't live near each other, we could celebrate together! I miss having girlfriends, I have grown apart from the ones I did have and I don't make friends with other girls very well.

To all the other with kind words, I appreciate it. It's just hard to rewire your thought process, hard as hell! Virtually hugging you all!