I feel like I'm going to explode! I don't know what's wrong other than a huge buildup on the inside of feelings, thoughts, & just emotions. I don't know what to do, who to talk to, how to talk about it...I'm just confused. What do you do when you feel like people look at you like a complainer or an attention seeker? What do you do when all people can say is let it go? What do you do when you feel people think of you as just making excuses? What do you do when it seems the people you thought you could trust...doesn't seem trustworthy any longer? Writing here isn't enough for me...I don't like to write. I'm tired of hearing you should really have a therapist. Well if it was just that easy like it used to be, then I would. So now what? Nothing I guess. Actually I do know what...I know exactly what I'm going to do. It may be a temporary relief, but it gets me through at times like this. So, here I go...and the cycle continues. *sigh*

[madisgram]

so fragile, i sometimes felt like you do now. i learned that the problem for me was that the people in my life-especially family-did not validate me. i distanced myself from them or minimized any conversation with them. in doing so i was protecting my spirit. i made some wonderful friends by choosing carefully and they cared for me and validated me as i did them. we all need that. here's a site you may find useful re validation, etc. i hope it may help you.

What Validation Is
To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.
To validate is to acknowledge and accept one's unique identity and individuality. Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, ignore, or judge their feelings, and hence, their individual identity.
When we validate someone, we allow them to safely share their feelings and thoughts. We are reassuring them that it is okay to have the feelings they have. We are demonstrating that we will still accept them after they have shared their feelings. We let them know that we respect their perception of things at that moment. We help them feel heard, acknowledged, understood and accepted.
Sometimes validation entails listening, sometimes it is a nod or a sign of agreement or understanding, sometimes it can be a hug or a gentle touch. Sometimes it means being patient when the other person is not ready to talk.

Painful feelings that are expressed, acknowledged and validated by a trusted listener will diminish.

Painful feelings that are ignored will gain strength. (1)

http://eqi.org/valid.htm#What Validation Is

Thank you...it did help. Just by reading it I realized that a lot of people I've trusted has not validated me or my feelings. They are so quick to put a rush on being happy & enjoying life that they don't get that I haven't healed. Just because the problem has been covered up doesn't mean that it has disappeared. I just wish I can get the help that I need.

Part of me is scared to ask for help now. I really start to think that the things that people have said is true. Maybe I am making excuses because I know no other way to be, but depressed. I don't know what to do...

[madisgram]

sofragile do you see a therapist? i found it was helpful to learn the real me and get rid of my false beliefs about self. the ones who don't validate u are also reinforcing your lack of self worth. it causes a vicious cycle that keeps you in that mindset. i do hope you r seeing a T. i found i needed someone to unsnarl my issue with this. i couldn't do it alone. it was ingrained by yrs. of dealing with this. now i have means to remind myself i am worthy of respect by others and how to nurture my spirit.
we all need ppl to validate us. but i might add the first one is you to self validate yourself. here's more on that topic. i hope it can be helpful.

False Beliefs

When our minds immediately come up with negative or irrational thoughts in response to situations, and we then respond emotionally (often inappropriately and self-defeatingly were we to look objectively at the situation), these thoughts are based on deeper-lying beliefs or assumptions about ourselves, others, and situations. While growing up we learned these beliefs from our parents, teachers and peers, as well as from other authority figures, and we may have absorbed such beliefs from the conditioning of the media - TV and films, song lyrics, and so on. You may have been told "Big boys don't cry," "Nice girls don't get angry," or learned "It's risky to trust people," "It's very hard to be alone"... the possible list is endless.
You may have developed an attitude about yourself as a result of being frequently criticized (thus "I'm worthless"), ignored (thus "My needs don't matter"), or rejected (thus "I'm not worthy of being loved.") You may then "live out" these false beliefs to the point where you act in ways that confirm them, and then others treat you accordingly. Like computers, individuals become "programmed" and the false beliefs we hold become self-fulfilling prophecies.

there's more ...http://www.trans4mind.com/positive/positive22.shtml

[unaluna]

I'm sorry if my telling you to find a therapist felt invalidating. I have been seeing one, off and on (mostly "on"), usually 3 times a week, since my early 20's, and I am almost 60. I don't know what you usually do to cope, that you resorted to, but I am truly sorry I triggered you. I did not mean to be dismissive, I was not aware this was something people were telling you. What kind of respinse are you looking for, what would help?

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( SoFragile ))))))))))))

@madisgram I don't have a therapist & won't have one for awhile until I figure out how I'm going to afford it.

@Hankstar it's ok...you didn't know. I'm not sure what will help.

@Fuzzybear 8)

[madisgram]

is there a clinic available in your community that charges by a sliding scale, meaning your economic status? many counties in the US have them. i'd reference the phone book under your county's services. idk. but i'd give it a try. i used it while i was getting back on my feet with little income.
hope this may help.
also using the internet and reading about your concerns may offer you some tools to work with. i still learn so much that way.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00128
http://www.athealth.com/consumer/dis...lf-esteem.html
a great article http://theconfidenceguyonline.com/20...-put-you-down/

If you want to outgrow the expectations of a family with low self-esteem, you need to stop looking to your family for validation. Hard as it may be, forget about what they think of you, or rather of what you think they think of you, and get on with living your own life. Model the behavior of people who you see displaying traits of true inner confidence that you'd like to emulate. Stop trying to fit in with people in your family of origin who lacked confidence or effective communication skills.http://confidentman.net/self-esteem/forget-family-thinks

long post hope i'm not overdoing this.

No it's fine I appreciate your input & advice. I'm going to call this therapist office to see how much will it be for me to see her. On her profile it cost $100-$150 to see her so hopefully since I will be on a sliding scale we can work out a good payment plan.

Hi sofragile88,

I've found help, along with therapy, medication etc, in group support meetings(aa,na etc.) The people there are good listeners and they usually have good advice. I have been bewildered by the folks that advocate that expressing ones inner feelings is unproductive(whining) and that we all need to ignore our personal emotions and move on to what they would consider "real" problems. You are going to have to deal with these folks if your in public. Don't let them bully you into isolating. No-one can make you feel bad about yourself without you giving them permission to do so. Agree to disagree with them and find someone else to talk to. Behind their polished exterior they probably have issues worse than yours that they try very hard to ignore. That is their problem, not yours. Don't adopt others problems without training. As far as affording therapy or treatment, I believe there should be options for you. Try talking to a person at the department of health and human services and tell them your situation. If your problems are immediate, then go to your nearest emergency room in your nearest hospital and tell them whats going on. Don't worry about cost if your health is in danger. Without your health, money wouldn't matter anyway.

Remember that you aren't alone, plenty of folk have been in you situation and plenty of people are right now. There is no need to blame anyone, not even yourself. If you can't get your needs met, ask for help and attend support group meetings.

These are things that I do also. I also like to go for long walks and reading the newspaper and reading memoirs of people who have overcome and adapted to adverse life situations. Healing does take time, it won't happen overnight. All any of us can do is continue on healthy paths.

Good luck, I will pray for you

A.

[emptybee15]

SoFragile...we relate in SOOO many ways it's crazy!

I sometimes just go somewhere and shut the hell up because people don't get it. No matter how much you explain. Then you shut up and they say you need to express it. I swear people are stupid.

Anyway, you're cool with me !