I Quit

I guess I just have to quit yearning for love and affection. I don't think it's ever coming the way I need it to.

No boyfriend can fill the void, my kid can't fill the void (of wanting love from an adult), so, I'm just screwed.

I would really like to be someone's someone special. I hear people talk about how they love so-and-so and they would never let anything happen to whoever...NO ONE says that about me. Like everyone's day continues as normal whether they see me or not. I would also like to have someone I can at least talk to about things, but no one wants to listen to me either. It's really hurtful. I'm an emotional girl, I love affection, but I just can't get it. I can't make any one do it. It just hurts a lot. I don't want to become numb, but I'm tired of crying and feeling like a piece of s**t on a daily basis.

I can't believe that I'll be 28 Thursday and have not run into ANYONE that I can be close with. A surrogate family member, a new friend...NOTHING!

(((((((emptybee15))))))) I know the feeling, Don't know what I do if it were not for PC. You have a lot of years left and I am sure a lot to give. I have noticed when I give up and don't look anymore that is when some one comes around when you least expect it. Hang in there girl.it will happen! I always think of that song looking for love in all the wrong places! stop looking so hard you never know!

Thanks for those encouraging words, gma45. It's just really hard to hold everything in ALL the time and wanting something as simple as a hug and not being able to get it. That's awful.

Like you said, MAYBE one day...doesn't seem realistic though.

I've been there hun, and we're about the same age, (i'm 27 now). When I stopped looking, love found me. And it was right under my nose! along the way, i've learned not to expect fairytale,romance movie scenes,b/c you know what? Those are things someone sucked out of their thumb, and alotta times they were probly stoned, LOL. I know so many young women looking for that and they've thrown aside perfectly good guys. My point? When you do find a special someone, cherish those precious moments that you find yourself yearning for right now, someone to talk to, someone who holds you, someone who accepts you... My bf doesn't always understand me (not for a lack of trying tho) but i cherish the fact that he accepts me. I'm sorry for rambling. Please know that you're not alone, I'm here if you need to talk.XOXO

Oh, emptybee, I'm so sorry you are at this point in your life; I remember that at about that same age. I was living in Washington, D.C. and one night I was returning home from a boyfriend's (totally unsuitable boyfriend, 20 years my senior who was married and did not love me!) and I got off the bus and was standing a couple blocks from my apartment building to where I could see it and I made the mistake of doing the imagined/wanted future, large house in the country, husband/love and I sitting in wing chairs in front of the fire, reading companionably, two Irish Setters lying calmly at my feet (now there's imagination for you!) and me just soaking up the warmth and love. Then I looked over to my actual apartment building and realized I was going to live and die in that efficiency apartment the rest of my life. . . so, I burst into tears, right there in the middle of Connecticut Avenue.

That didn't happen. Yes, the tears and despair did but not the country house, dogs, or dying in that efficiency apartment. I kept working on myself in therapy and changed to a better job, the unsuitable boyfriend dropped me, refused to see me ever again, causing some of the worst pain and depression I recalled up until then, but I met someone at my new job and we fell in love and married and now I have been living happily ever after the last 28 years?

Work on getting to know yourself, being your own friend. Then others will be attracted as you are attracted to yourself (because you are a really great individual) and good things will happen but, being your own friend, it won't be desperate or unexpected, just a natural progression like learning about life is supposed to be.

Aww sweetie....I wish we could be there for each other. I totally feel where you're coming from & it sucks so bad. I'm sending you a msg...please check it! 8) *hugstightly*

I can relate. Seriousy, you are not alone with ^THIS^ realization. I am sorry you are struggling too...
(((emptybee15)))

Hello Emptybee,

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I have found in my life that being alone and being sad about being alone is a bad mix. It will produce a feedback like effect. If your sad about being alone so you sit home alone and become more and more sad about being alone. This has never worked for me. Try going for a walk. I mean, you might not meet the "love of your life" but you might see someone and say hello, isn't it a pleasant day, or something like that.

I don't think the chances of you finding fulfillment are very good if you isolate yourself and remain alone.

If you need a hug, maybe a 12 step group is in your area would help with that. I belong to a 12 step group and we hug a lot and it is no big deal.

Don't give in to despair, I don't think it will solve anything.

Peace, A.

There is time. I've had a lot of bad relationships, and didn't meet my soulmate until I was 42. Even he isn't perfect, nobody is, so of course he doesn't meet all my needs. No one person can. And the most basic need I have--the need to have someone understand what I'm going through when I am in a deep depression--that's where he is weakest of all, and can't help me. When that need arises, I have to turn to someone else, like one of my daughters, a therapist, or PC.

Still, I did finally meet "the one." But I do recall the loneliness, and I know how bad it hurts.

when you have luggage from your past than bring it into a relationship, the relationship will suffer.
love yourself, respect yourself, know and understand your worthy, and don't ever think you won't find love.

Awe, baby girl! You look sweet as pie in your photo.

Things come in time. Being patience is a must. Just keep an open mind.

You WILL find someone. . .

And by all means, VENT WHEN NECCASRY!

Emptybee, I wish I could bring you to Newfoundland, Canada. My relatives are all huggy people. They might be a little crazy on the social scene, lots of fun, but they do care for eachother alot. If anybody comes out here as a friend of one of us....they are instantly welcomed as family. You would have ot be careful though of being Screeched In lol. Kissing cold cod fish, eating bologna and drinking screech (rum) might do you in....along with wearing a Sou'wester hat, rubber boots, and draped in the Newfoundland flag, doing a jig. You would have to recite some old Newfoundland phrase, which can be real tongue twisters, then you are given a certificate provingg you are now an honorary Newfoundlander. Since my two sons were born outside of Newfoundland, they will be going through this ceremony in the spring/summer.

In spite of all of that, we can be a fun bunch to be with and you would always be welcomed. I have 56 aunts and uncles, 135 first cousins (Ihaven't even counted their children now), so anywhere in Canada, you could find a relative of mine lol.

Love ya lots.