[needfixing]

here we go again! hubby calls his ma, and she's crying the whole time, about how none of her kids love her or call to see how she's doing, and she's all alone. the woman has a vacation home that she lives in for 6 to 8 months out of a year and she's 2 hours away by plane.

i can hear her and my hubby saying oh i'll do better mom.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

meanwhile dinner is cold, and for the rest of the night hubby won't talk to me and our kids.

all of her kids bend over backwards for her! when she leaves for her vacation home one of her kids will take a week vacation and be with her the whole time, doing everything she wants them to do. this time it was my hubby's turn!

WHAT AN UNGREATFULL... i won't swear cuz i don't want to sin.

so now i am in the bedroom writing this and when i shut the door he yells GOOD I CAN BE IN PEACE!

i yelled back STOP BEING A MAMMAS BOY AND PUT YOUR MOTHER IN HER PLACE!

seriously, she's pushing 80 i would think she would want to spend the rest of her days in peace, not miserable and drunk!

thanks for reading (((hugs)))

[kindachaotic]

(((needfixing))) Tough situation here, but glad you posted to vent.

Just wanted you to know someone read your post, cares & has an opinion.

Will say a prayer for your family.

[AAAAA]

No one can hit your buttons better than a parent, they installed them afterall. You can do nothing about your husband's relationship with his mother. Perhaps you do not even understand where it is all coming from but you do not need to.

Try to think about what actually bothers you about this situation. Are you jealous? Do you resent the time he spends with his mother? I would not trust a man that is not good to his mother . I mean no disrespect to you, but the fact of the matter is that husbands and wives come and go, you only have one mother or one father. And perhaps he feels he is going from one woman emotionally blackmailing him to another.

Once you come to some realizations yourself, talk to your husband in a calm way. Tell him how this makes you feel, ask what you can both do to make these situations less stressful on YOUR relationship. He very well may need some time to decompress after dealing with his mother, and having you right there irritated for whatever reason makes you the available target.

If it is the fact that you had to hold dinner because of him, ask that he make the calls after dinner. This is not an unreasonable request. Or if the time changes prevent him from doing that, change dinner time on the days he's going to call mom.

He most probably has very limited time left with his mother. The last conversation I had with my father was three days before his death. I called him to wish him a happy birthday and he said "I can't talk now, I'm busy."

[needfixing]

@aaaa~no i am not a jealous person, i don't like how he acts towards me and our children after he gets off the phone with his mother. "emotionally black mailing my husband" can you explain yourself on that one?

his mother calls my hubby and her other children horrible names, isn't satisfied with anything they do for her, and complains all the time. he gets off the phone he won't talk to me or our children.

this is how it's been for over 25 years! i thought i would never say this but my father in law was a saint to put up with her.

you also mentioned about spouses come and go, my hubby and i don't believe in divorce so we are not going anywhere. i too been married now for over 25 years, and have beautiful children.

my father in law on his death bed tells me, "i am sorry it was my fault that you wouldn't come over, your a good person, i don't have to worry about my son because i see how good you treat him, your good with money, and i love you." how sad.

sorry for your loss. your right we are only here for a short period of time, i just don't like how my mil thinks she can say and do such hurtful things and think thats ok. it's not!

my brother in law he actually has anxiety attacks because of the stress his own mother is giving him, so he has to take anxiety meds.

my sister in law refuses to talk to her, she can't take it anymore and i don't want my hubby getting stressed out because of his mother.

[AAAAA]

Perhaps I worded myself poorly. What I mean is that your husband has just gone through the wringer with his mother and once he is off the phone he then must deal with your ire. What I inferred from your post was that if hubby doesn’t put his mother in her place you do not respect him.

We are in agreement on divorce, but God forbid if you died tomorrow there is a chance that at some time in the future he would marry again (and vice versa). You can never replace a parent or a child. (Not that he would replace you, but he could have another wife.)

I’m not saying that your mother in law isn’t a witch. What I’m suggesting is there is a healthier way of dealing with the situation. It sounds like a very emotional thing with him and maybe he needs quiet time afterword to calm back down. You just do not have to let the negativity from his relationship with his mother enter into your relationship with him.

I do understand that your frustration stems from love for your husband and concern for his well-being. You have to find some common ground, even if that common ground is leaving him alone for a while after he has contact with her.

[needfixing]

it hurts me and our children how he shuts us out, but most of all what his mother does to him.

yesterday he called her 3xs and 3xs she complained about him and his siblings. the 4th time he called her, she called him a piece of *****! his mother has a tongue of a 2 edged sword.

that's why i said to him you need to put your mother in her place. not to mention how she calls and as soon as my hubby answers his cell she hangs up on him. come on that's so dysfunctional.

i think its ok to come into an agreement to disagree with you about replacing your spouse, unless of course the spouse is abusive.

thanks for your advice, i am much calmer today.

[Perna]

If your husband and his siblings have not learned how to deal with their mother in the 50-60 years they have known her, they aren't going to suddenly learn now? What does your husband think about how you treat your mother? Are you a good example?

When it is our mother, our age does not really matter but all those past experiences and how we were taught to treat her by her. If she is giving him a hard time about how he treats her (right or wrongly) and then you get on him about how he treats you and the kids and her right then, how is that different? As my husband keeps saying to me when he feels like I am being too critical instead of helpful, "We're on the same side!" Your husband does not need friendly fire from you, but support?

"I'm so sorry your mother was talking at you and making you feel bad. Your dinner has gotten cold, do you want me to warm it up or would you like me to make you something else?"

[AAAAA]

I can understand his need to be left alone after such an emotional experience. I need that myself. It literally took my husband decades to accept this trait in myself. Sometimes he'll still press me if it is something that involves him. I do not know about your husband, but I have a sharp tongue and if you do not give me enough time to gather myself I am going to say something I regret. Sometimes we need space.

I do hope that the two of you come to some sort of understanding on this. The evil ones seem to outlive us all

[Callmebj]

You would think after living this long(80 I believe you said) would stop being such a pill about things....unfortunately for some older people, they just get more hateful. Your
husband is likely pretty angry when he get off the phone with her. She's treating all of her children it seems the same....letting them know they are not up to her expectations, and below par for her to love unconditionally
(that's sorta what you call emotional blackmail) She's an immature, very unwise woman; and her children will breath some freedom when she's gone instead of remembering a loving mother. You should feel sorry for her...she's really a sad personality and your husband and his siblings have put up with this all their lives.