Need help coping with past

Hi everyone, Im a 16 (almost 17) year old girl with a hard past. My parents hated eachother since I was 8, and ignored me alot. So when I was 14 (I had no friends by the way) I got involved in bad relationships with guys who just wanted to use me. So I ended up having sex with 5-6 guys. Two happened when I was with my current boyfriend (we hadnt met in person at the time) After two years of being with my current boyfriend, I confessed to him what happened. (I told him I was a virgin) Me, him, and my mom talked about it and he is staying with me and still loves me. He wants me to get over my past so we can move foward in our relationship, but for some reason I cant get over it. I feel so guilty and terrible.. I feel used and tainted and soiled. I feel disgusting. I dont do those bad things anymore and Im a changed person but the past is giving me anxiety, and I feel like the only way out of the pain is through suicide. I dont want to but it seems nice. Does anyone have any advice for me? I cant deal with this anymore.

((((Annonymous 1)))),

Oh, sweetheart, you have to learn to be forgiving of yourself. You are just 16 and you have to allow yourself to simply learn from the past. We ALL MAKE MISTAKES OR CHOICES THAT WE REGRET, BUT WE LEARN FROM THAT. We have our whole lives to learn and grow and YES WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES and so we just learn and keep going.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

Honey, you're NOT "soiled" or dirty or anything like that! What happened is OVER and done! You made some bad decisions -- doesn't everyone? You're no different than anyone else. And remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!!! ALL problems can be solved! And yours can too.

If this is something that you think you just cannot get over, then you need to talk to a professional. Would your Mother be able to send you to a therapist? Perhaps a psychologist would be able to help you with this. A trained professional would be able to diagnose any possible problems you MAY have and give you tips on how to get thru this problem.

Ask your Mom about going to a therapist, ok? If she can't afford to send you, then at LEAST talk to your medical doctor, pastor or other trusted adult. And of course, keep posting here too -- this is a good source of support.

Again sweetie, you're not "used goods." Your boyfriend still loves you and so does your Mom. You have a good support system, so listen to them. God bless you honey and take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee

You must learn to forgive yourself, that is the way forward. You were a child, you made some dumb decisions, it doesn't make you any less of a person! You're not soiled or dirty, just much wiser than most your age BCOZ of your past. I also did questionable things in my teens which led to alot of self-loathing, but I forgave myself, and in that forgiveness, I learned to love the NEW me. My past choices, helped shape the woman I am today, bcoz I learned from them. and I use my knowledge to guide those who may find themselves in a similar situation, or to avoid that road if possible. You've already learned 1 VERY important lesson here, you are loved and accepted despite your past! Your mom and bf don't define you by your past, so there's really no reason you should

I agree with everything Leed wrote.

You are not used or soiled. You know, some people enjoy sex with multiple partners. I am not saying whether that view is right or wrong, just that it is an alternative view.

So you experimented. You did what you had to do to get through those bad times. You are lucky to have people who love you helping through this, and I hope you will find a counselor, too.

One thing I noticed in your message was how reliant you are to having this relationship with a new fella in your life. I hope you will develop a sense of self-worth and self-esteem that does not flow from what he or anyone else thinks about you.

I am 64, and here's an example of what happens when we get self-esteem from another person. My elderly mother was taken from her home by Social Services because she was not taking care of herself. I spent a day crying because I could not do what she wants for her own good. Then I realized she has always manipulated me by withholding love.

I am in that position because I depend on her approval to feel good.

Enjoy your new relationship. But please also work to build a solid self-concept and Be Your Own Woman. There is lots of time for you to work on that.

Wishing you all the best with love.

I am saddened and concerned for you. Why? Because you immediately think of suicide as a nice solution. I was older than you are now by a couple of years and I got myself into a somewhat similar, though much more minor compared to yours, situation, and the first thought was - a suicide. Some slightly less than 20 years later I had a massive suicide attempt that profoundly changed my life for the worse. A lot of your peers make the same mistakes, or, to frame it even more neutrally, experiment in the same ways you did, but they learn, they shake it and they move on, and you dwell and consider a suicide. Please try to see a specialist. Your mom is being a good sport - many a dumb mother in this situation would have turned against her "fallen" daughter, and your mom joined the support circle, kudos to her! May be as suggested earlier in the thread, she will get you to a therapist if you tell her that the past keeps haunting you and you cannot shake it. Just make sure to first acknowledge her support, before asking for a specialist's involvement.

Thank you everyone for all the support. I will try my best to get my mom to let me see a therapist. The only problem is money ofcourse. But thank you everyone. Its nice to know that I have support instead of disgust

Honey, can you see if you might be eligible for Medicaid? Perhaps you and your Mom qualify for help. Ask Mom to go to Social Services and see if perhaps you can get help thru them. Then you CAN get therapy as Medicaid DOES pay for it.

I know that a lot of people don't want to apply for Medicaid because they think there's a "stigma" attached to it -- but when you need HELP, there's no shame in it at ALL. I applied for it for my granddaughter because I just could NOT afford to pay for her medical costs. So now I can take her to ANY doctor and she DOES go to therapy weekly.

So mention it to your Mom about Medicaid. Maybe you'd qualify. Good luck hon. Hugs, Lee

Annonymous, most communities have some kind of publicly supported free or low cost counseling available. Some are volunteers while others are paid professionals. Don't let money stand in your way. I promise there's help available somewhere; you just might hvae to "dig" to find it.

Hugs, Anne