how can u trust people?

I dont know how people can trust other people. at any time, they can turn on you, or just leave you.What do u do when you trust nobody?

Trust is a tough one, I am still working on myself. I have found that when I do finally open up it feels good, its just learning how to deal with being betrayed that is the hard part I think. Hopefully someone else has some better answers that we can both learn from. Good question.

Having my horse gave me someone to trust. But now that he is gone I have nobody.

Yes, and the opposite; they can support you and be by your side. Each person is different and you have to get to know yourself and then others, as individuals. "People" don't exist, just individuals we get to know one-on-one. If they aren't trustworthy, we leave them and go on to the next, finding those we can support and love, knowing they will treat us the same.

I am having the same problem atm. I recently trusted someone enough to tell them thatI am bipolar and I asked them not to tell anyone else. I later heard them telling two girls (one of whom I dislike enough not to be friends with). It is hard to know whether to trust people but having said that, quite a few of my friends have been very supportive.

I have a lot of aquantices but I have very few TRUE friends. Quality before quantity....

You learn to trust the individuals who EARN it. Its not freelly given. Despite past hurts, I choose to trust for 1 simple reason. I like being trusted...

I have trouble trusting too. I used to be very trusting, and got hurt by it. But, what Perna said is true, people can support you and be by your side. I guess it's just trying to filter out who can and can't be trusted. Maybe someone in each of our lives will do something that will prove themselves to us and we can trust again. Maybe not. But I totally understand this!

I too find it very difficult to trust. My T has spoken about how this doesnt have to be an all or nothing thing and how we may trust different people with different things. T also said it is about my own boundaries, that I can't control others, but I can control how much I am willing to risk and where I draw that line. I am not entirely sure how that works in real life but I am slowly getting my head around it.......I think.

Start by listening closely to what they are saying. Also observe their body language, or their non-verbal behavior.

Yes this is where I'm at, thank you for articulating it so well! It helps me to elaborate what I couldn't before...

I have different levels of trust with different people. Eg. I can trust my mom with taking care of my daughter during bad episodes, but I can't trust her to take care of me (emotionally) I trust certain people with certain information about myself, other people I trust with different info. And this has nothing to do with their level of trustworthiness, as that has bee established already, but its dependent on the boundaries surrounding a particular relationship dynamic.

Thanks SD

Great question. thanks.

I know the feeling. I learned from my family not to trust. This did not help me because when I did trust I always trusted the wrong people. I ended up with the idea that I could not trust anyone completely and the only dysfunctional relationships result. I trust a higher power(I use this term because it seems to be more inclusive of everyone) and the strong bonds I have had with pets. I trust people to a limited extent. I am a loner because of it.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Past experiences tell me not to trust anyone now a days. I don't want to trust family members with my problems. I've told a couple of them a few details, but not much at all. And after thinking I found a friend on some game, it turned out badly. I haven't made any attempt this past year to get to know anyone else. I also find it hard to trust myself, seeing as I have too much hate for others.

I cannot tell you how many times I've come to this thread and wanted to post...and have nothing enlightening

It has something to do with having realistic expectations of others ... remembering that people are human, make mistakes, have their own histories, stories, agendas, etc. Trust takes time, blah blah blah.

Seriously I have no idea myself.

(my father once told me he has very low / to no expectations of people so he doesn't get angry or upset ) <---- maybe that is the key

I trust people to be who and what they are. Try trusting people by their actions and that includes what comes out of their mouths. However, if the words are sweet but the actions are not -- the actions are the true person.

A really important thing to know is how to trust yourself and that might mean improving your judgment skills. It always pains me when I see people say "So-and-so really hurts me/lies to me/beats me/steals all my money/abuses the kids/abuses me but not the kids/cheats on me/other seriously bad things but I love so-and-so. The way I see that--you can trust So-and-so to be an abuse/liar/thief/commiter other seriously bad acts but none of that is a good reason to love So-and-so and I guarantee you can trust So-and-so to continue to do those things as long as you put up with them.

Rational people do not just "turn on" their friends and families without provocation. It is true people can leave. But any relationship where the person just willfully leaves in the middle of the night without saying goodbye and why (I'm not talking about sudden death here) wasn't a healthy relationship to begin with.

Learn to trust yourself. I really do think that being reasonably self-sufficient and confident attracts other people of like mind and makes short term nuisances of scam artists and emotional victims who are always trolling for victims <-- but you shouldn't want them around anyway. I hope this helps.

I love EH...

There are some really helpful and thoughtful answers in this thread. Thank you for the questions and thank you for the answers.

I like Perna's answer about how we trust each person individually, not people. I also like the distinction made between levels of trust and another about having realistic expectations.

I think that SoupDragon put it perfectly ....

"I too find it very difficult to trust. My T has spoken about how this doesnt have to be an all or nothing thing and how we may trust different people with different things. T also said it is about my own boundaries, that I can't control others, but I can control how much I am willing to risk and where I draw that line. I am not entirely sure how that works in real life but I am slowly getting my head around it.......I think."

I couldn't have put my thoughts any better as I struggle with this concept as well. My T an I had a similar conversation a little while back about this same topic.

It looks as though quite a few of us can relate

it takes a lot for me to trust someone, and not many people actually have my full trust.

i've been hurt by people too many times- so trusting is harder

my trust is spread through out different individuals.To quote someone "I would randomly tell part of my story of emotions and feelings to a stranger, then continue onto to the next stranger till it was all out". The person did not anyone to tell the whole story to one person. I understand the situation and feel that this is true with me. No one person has my total trust. The one I did have such a trust passed. We had a connection between us, human and bird that captured great understanding.

At first I thought this is a trust issue, because you said it is a trust issue. I was planning to tell you that you can trust people to be themselves. Your expectation of betrayal can actually make it more likely to happen, because it drives off people who are mostly honest. It is just the same way with people who are angry all the time in that they are very good at finding reasons to feel angry. Things just seem to happen that way. Your expectations act like a filter on your experiences, and from what it sounds like, you are filtering for betrayal.

Except now I'm wondering ... is it possible that you are actually asking about abandonment?

I want to trust, but after being so burned....I don't know if I could.

Hi, from reading books and expierence. I think the only way to trust someone is to get to know them and it takes time.