anger

So I have discovered lately that i have a huge issue with anger. I don't hit things or people, but when things get out of my control (like things I have planned, etc) or when plans change, I FREAK out.

It's like I have a mini panic attack, and my head starts to pound and I almost see red and I just don't know how to handle it. Afterwards, I feel like an idiot and have to apologize to whoever I yelled at or got Bi***y with because it is not a big deal most of the time, whatever it is that I get mad at.

What do I do? I know it is not normal to get like this over little things, such as changes in plans and stuff. Is it a control thing? (right now I am injured and I can't do any of my coping/distraction stuff, like exercise,yoga, etc. I feel like it is not even my own body i am in).

Any ideas on how to stop the anger or calm it down before it gets too bad? I usually realize too late what is going on and it takes a good 20 minutes or so to chill the eff out. LOL

Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

((((Wolfin)))) I can totally relate. Usually when I get triggered, it creates a fight / flight response in me where I just want to protect myself, and if that is not a real option, I go into meltdown'ish mode. It is my eqiv of just saying "help!" But with ptsd it gets confusing...and comes out in a different way

When I feel threatened or helpless ( not in control), I dont do well. Not in control = serious trauma for me that has occurred in the past. (Thus, what may seem like irrational or out of the blue or disproportionate reaction to someone is a trigger response to protect myself).

I think the first fantastic step is that we recognize we are doing it...and there is a reason for it. That helps a lot.

Also acknowleging right away to others our mis-steps helps a lot. People tend to be quite understanding and forgiving when we come right out and say, "I am really sorry. I am not happy with the way I handled things and wish I had done it differently. I am working really hard on it. Sorry".

I even went so far as to say to someone, " I am sorry...I was just really afraid" They were very compassionate and even had a hug in their eyes.

I dont know what else to do other than this. I can say though my lil meltdowns have been less frequent. Small yay.

I hope this helps a little bit xx

Rose

thank you, most definitely! I never looked at it like that as far as the ptsd part goes too. I almost posted in that forum, but thought it was not related. Something to bring up with T, i suppose!!! Thank you for your response, it helps me understand it a little better! (and now I don't feel like i am alone!)

I have been having anger issue too lately. Mine are from dealing with people and their crazy selves. What I do is just walk away for a while until my boiler stops boiling. Then I swoop back in for a quick look and then if it all looks good then I resume the march. My psych meds help too! Lol

this might sound bad but I am kind of jelous, because I don't really lash out at ALL, i literally keep it all inside then I just look like somebody you dont wanna talk to because I have this "mean mug" look. I wish I WOULD say what was on my mind, but I dont say a darn thing...

First hugs to all you

awe... anger.. most people think I am not an angry person ... that till I express it in either a rant or they see me writing or typing away or am in a *****y mood and am like - i wish the world would burn down..... I do apologize to the ones that see this and as Rose Panachee has mentioned- usually people are understanding.

Anger -
For me at least, one thing that really helps is to know and be told- Is that it is ok for me to be angry at times.. Also that Anger is not a "bad thing"
I.e. I am allowed to be upset every once in a while-- But not so upset that it is rage and I am tearing apart the apt to find a tool and kicking boxes around and kicking walls or wanting to break out the window (been pretty good with behavior things but some times i see red) and that if something angers me, I should as best as I can take it as a warning sign, figure out what that "warning sign is" and go from there-- I.e. warning sign as either not being validated, being used/or something has happened that i feel is an unjustified action. The idea with being "Out of control" is another thing as well i but that goes into a long story for me (but I try best to recognize what I have in control, what is out of my control and also in some cases what is my responsibility).... As well as if I get angry and then just stuff it all down and try not to note it- that is not good either.

Sometimes I write out my angry throughts-- ooo yeah especially if I know that I am just triggered and that I better watch what I say due to I may regret it.... I have been pretty good in my life with watching what I say, due to I have had very angry "close" people to me shout out things to me just to be mean when they were angry and it hurts deeply and I don't want to do that to another person..... I.e. When in an argument with my S/O and with angry thoughts- I usually keep them to myself until we calm down, so we can talk and I can bring forth my issue(s) to him in a more constructive matter..(I am going to bold that due to keeping it all in for me at least is not good-- bottling up usually means I will explode at a later date i.e building up).. but if I am being constantly poked while in an argument (nagged on to shout as they are) I will let someone know what is on my mind straight forward- it may not be sounding nice but it will be my honest thoughts. but a lot of times, angry thoughts- write them out, see if there any real validation for those thoughts or just angry reactionary thoughts.

Also Anger--- One big thing that helps me is STOP- Take A break- Think A little and calm down, come back...... this especially if I feel like I am going to the "Freak out mode" or Melt Down mode... It can be very hard at times but these past few months I have been a little better with it---

A lot of times the identifying Why I am angry helps a lot due to then I play around and rationalize that in my head-- the bad thing that I do-- is that I can stew over it for a long time-- much longer than need to be....

I am not sure if this is just Rambling Beauflow talk here or if there is any thing helpful here....

But just remember Anger is natural-- how we let it out and act can be modified with some work and some help if needed.

(as I will always say-- I am a working progress this myself),

be well all... sorry for the rambling rambler

Bipolar1...I will try walking away (if I can do so without getting all shaky, I usually have to sit down, lol)

triciadrich, it didn't sound bad at all. I understand, actually, because I haven't been able to show any emotion, really until the anger stuff started to hit. And I have always had the belief (irrational, i know) that I had to be outwardly happy all the time, no matter what. (thanks mom and dad, LOL) Anyway, I am sorry you are not able to express yourself. I understand.

You were totally not rambling, beauflow! I appreciate it!! I got a lot of great ideas from your post, so no worries! I always enjoy reading what you have to say, it is very insightful. How do you do that?

Thanks again for all the responses!

(((Wolfin))),

Yes, what you are discribing is very much a part of PTSD. It "is" a control issue and sorry to say it can come out before you realize it too. I had to deal with that myself and the only thing I could do is think about it afterwards and "be aware it was happening". Like everything else that takes place with PTSD, the emotions just come out and the only way they can be worked on is after they come out back to what triggered it to take place. But, slowly you can gain on controling it more and more by being aware and tracing it back to what triggered it to take place. I found myself getting very snappy with my husband and having to appologize after I blew.

For me, each time it happened it was about me losing control or my husband or anyone else crossing my boundaries. There always was a genuine reason for it to happen. The problem was that instead of me seeing it come on ahead of time, it would just pop out of me and like a flashback, I was left just being a spectator for a period of time as it would just run its course. It "is" very frustrating and hard to explain to other people that I truely can't control it "yet" when it happens.

So, it is not just you or that you are a bad person when this happens. It really is something that is part of PTSD. You have to remember that with PTSD the person is "very" sensitive and like any other injury, when something touches it, it sends a quick message of some kind of pain.

When people present with PTSD, they want to isolate. The reason for this is that they "do" have an injury in the brain and they quickly become "aware" that they are very vulnerable and "sensitive". This is a very different kind of injury and it does take time to heal Wolfin. Someone with PTSD has to slowly work through this injury and what helps is to recognize that often when something "aggrivates it" you "will" just react, just as you would with an open wound that was touched. It is just like when that open wound is touched and there is an immediate reaction of pain and "oh that hurts don't touch it" and sometimes if a wound it touched someone can get angry too.

The secret is to understand that with PTSD if something touches it or aggrivates it, we have an immediate "emotion". The only way we can understand the injury is after we get that "emotional" alarm.

Some people have a journal to keep track of these events. Then when they see the T they talk about what happened. The therapist says, "yes, I see the injury and yes I can see why you were angry and lets see if we can find a way to understand it and overcome it, reason with it consciously so you won't just react so badly when someone hits that sensitive spot again".

This is what so many people just do not understand about PTSD, including those that are struggling with it. All last year I was trying so hard to say, "please stop hurting me, this is not my fault". And it seemed like "no one" understood "how" to help me.
Yes, Wolfin, I had many of those anger moments, and some of them were bad and I just had to vent it out somehow. If my husband had been helped to understand that he had to be patient, the same as if he was helping me slowly walk after I broke my leg and had to slowly gain the ability back to walk again, it would have helped SO much.

If people just understood that PTSD is a definite injury that really takes time to heal and also understand these emotional outbursts are a part of recognizing the injury itself and how one needs to slowly "work through each kind of injury" it would make healing so much easier. There is no quick fix for PTSD, it is just like a broken leg or any other bad injury, it is sensitive and truely takes time to heal. And just like any other injury, if people poke at it and keep "reinjuring it" it WILL NOT HEAL RIGHT AND CAN EVEN GET WORSE.

People who have PTSD are often very misunderstood too. And when that happens it does make the healing process much more difficult. As a matter of fact, I have been posting to someone who is struggling with a T not understanding how triggering it is that the person is asked to wait for her appointment as the T is always late. This T is not seeing that an injury is being "poked at" in this experience for the patient. And the T is not seeing that what she needs to do is recognize the anger and "not" react like the patient is being "threatening and mean to the T". This T needs to "immediately" recognize this is "part of the injury" and help the patient work it out and be "supportive and understanding" while the patient works this out.

Wolfin, it is very important that your husband understand that you "will" have these moments of anger pop ups etc. And that he needs to be patient when that happens so that you too can have time to understand it "after it pops up".

Make sure you keep track of as much as you can about the events that lead up to this pop up anger. That is the only way you can slowly "consciously" learn how to work on controling it better. It is every bit as much work as "rehabilitation after experiencing a serious leg injury of somekind". It is slowly working the leg without pushing too hard so it doesn't get reinjured and it can heal.

Understand that you are not going to be "forever" broken as well. You "can" slowly "heal" through PTSD. But it "is" a lot of work and you "will need to be patient and kind to yourself" in the process. Make sure that you keep working with a therapist and that therapist "validates" the triggers and helps you work through each one.

That is the only way someone slowly "gains" over the injury that is named PTSD.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Like Bipolar1Disorder, I find that my meds help. What is the first things that convinced me that the bipolar diagnosis was correct was that the addition of the mood leveler pretty much wiped out the anger that followed me like a persistent shadow.

In therapy, I went back to my meditation and yoga practice and found coping mechanisms there--simple things like breathing. That helps me.

Also, realizing the anger isn't about the immediate trigger that it seems to be about also helps--the problem always goes a lot deeper. I developed a little mental exercise: I shake the anger into a virtual bag and tie it up and bring it to therapy. The very act makes me kind of chuckle, and that gets rid of the immediate feeling of anger.

This sounds very interesting! (literally, not the "interesting" where someone thinks its not, lol) I am going to have to try this!

I have also been considering meds. My pdoc and my T thinks I should be on something. I am leery of that, but only because of prior negative experiences...I am on the fence about me taking them, but we'll see!

It is a big decision, I can relate to being on the fence about it. I, myself am not on any medications. I had been on Klonopin for a few years and decided to wean myself off of it. I have worked through the anxiety on my own and am getting much better at it.

Take your time with this decision, it truely is "your" choice.

I can tell you that I struggled more last year with the anger. While I still have moments where I struggle with it, I am gaining more and more control of it. IDK Wolfin, I find that like the other things that come forward, I am learning about where the anger comes from as well. As I work on that, I find I am learning to control it more.

Open Eyes

Thank you OE, for both your responses to my post!