Messed up

I am a mess, I feel out of control again
I can't stop crying, I am not sleeping very well.
I have the urge to cut myself, I haven't done so in 3 days, I feel like I don't belong here anymore, I know it is the BPD talking I feel so awful.

When you get the feeling that you don't belong here, it is the BPD ... & that's when you need most to be here. We do care about you. I'm sorry you're not sleeping, and that your emotions are all over the place. if you're on meds, they might need adjusting. Could it be your anniversary ... Do emotional events like that often get to you, upsetting your emotions?
Keep posting. It's the best thing you can do. We want to know what's going on, and hopefully if you post and we respond, this will lessen the urge for you to hurt yourself. Hugs and love to you, sweet lady.
Roadie

Well said Roadie. I second that, and also add that I care about you very much Tink. I have said this before, but I am grateful that you are posting all of this on here. I wish you didn't have to go through it, but you are. And we are here to help you and care for you through your pain. Wishing you healing and sending you love and hugs.

I know this comes across like I'm attention seeking, I don't think it's got anything to do with my anniversary, I do know though that since starting therapy my T is wanting me to talk about my past and I shared something awful and it was way too painful and now I feel shame.

It's definitely not attention seeking - you're going through something difficult and reaching out for support, and I see nothing wrong or contrary in that. It's really great that you are posting here - I agree with dailyhealing in that I feel really grateful to know you can. Somewhere it's assuring to me as well.

I'm celebrating that you have not hurt yourself in three days. That's three huge steps - and well done.

I'm wondering if it would be possible to call your therapist and tell her/him about the anxiety loop that the session has led to. Sometimes in therapy we touch upon things that are disturbing, and those become relivings of experiences... you know? So it may help to talk to the therapist.

The other thing I wanted to say was that I think shame is the other side of anger - if you are shameful, you are either imagining anger towards yourself for something you've done "wrong" or you're just really angry with yourself. That can sometimes help to look it the question of guilt and shame like that; guilt and shame are difficult to work through -- anger on the other hand... not AS difficult. Not as ... helpless.

Love and hugs!

(((Tink)))

Perhaps you should call your T today, and explain how you're really struggling with shame and anxiety since you saw him/her & talked about one of your horrible experiences in life. Do they have any tips on how you can keep pushing yourself to make it through, without giving into negative impulses?

I once called my T between sessions and that helped ease my anxiety and self-hate for a couple of days, until our next session. Please do give that a try today. Gentle hugs to you, Tink. You're in my thoughts.

(((((((Tink)))))))
I'm sorry you feel so bad now
Like the others have said, you are going through a tough time. Nobody thinks you are seeking attention. You are just reaching out for some help. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

Hoping that today is a small bit better for you. Thinking of you today, and hope you let us know how you are doing. I don't think it is attention-seeking either, and you definitely belong here...!

I do have a sheet which is called a "Negative automatic thoughts" what my therapist gave me, I do look at it when I feel like this but it is hard to feel positive, My T also said is to go the hospital if ever I feel like I want to harm myself, She has already wrote to my doctor as she is concerned about me.

I will tell her on Monday though about how this is making me feel but I guess this is the whole point of therapy isn't it?

I did self harm last night, I got very upset

My sense is that the whole point of therapy is to come to a space where it is safe to face your problems. But sometimes therapy is not enough, because it isn't intensive constant care that we sometimes need when things get really difficult. Sometimes we aren't able to care enough for ourselves and others have to care for us. I think maybe that's what your therapist was suggesting when he/she asked you to go to the hospital if you self-harmed again... It sounds like it may really help you to be cared for and supported at this time. So... Would you be willing to follow your doctor's advice and go the hospital now?

(((Tink))))

tinkerbell, i have bpd, as well. It seems as though you have many good friends here, but if they are not available, and you ever need to talk, I would be glad to talk to you. I self-harm also. I know how hard it is.

hey tink, how are you feeling today? i feel i need to ask you to try your best to not be alone, don't be by yourself, even if it means stay online, that's what i do! i'm new here and people are amazing, for the first time in a few days i have been able to smile and concentrate more on things i find to get distracted - even here it's great to get distracted so your mind won't reach its worst as mine keeps trying to do.

Thanks

I feel the need to return to this as I feel so bad right now.

I know that this is BPD talking, I feel hated here, I feel so needy, I hate myself for saying that, No one likes me and I don't blame them.

Oh Tink
It is okay to need help We all need help and I don't think anyone here thinks you are needy and certainly does not hate you
I cannot speak to BP, but I know my ADD causes me to look so harshly at myself and most of my thoughts are way off base.

Be kind to yourself, because you deserve it

Tink,

You know you can come here any time to vent, talk, or just to say hi!! We do not judge you remember!!

Thank you both!

I know Laura, It is me as I said.....I am going until I feel better.

Well always remember our door is always opened and even if you want to just say hello i'm still kicking around just been lurking we will be thrilled to hear from you

where are you :/

She has deleted her account guys! Maybe time away from here will do her good and restore her own mental health?

i thought she had deleted when i saw her name was gone but got a little worried hope it helps her and she can take some time for herself!

Tinkerbell, if you come by, I hope you're doing well. You are strong and you CAN handle this. Love!

miss you tink.hope you are alright!