[yellowted]

I am pretty in touch with my emotions, that is until it comes to my so called mother, and then i feel very little, at times no feeling at all, other times a bit of disgust, but no love or warmth at all, ever.
I know she hurt me, let me down as a child badly, but i am a good person, know all about forgiveness etc, i tried for years to forgive, but got nothing in return except rejection and accused of being a liar.
now i have no care whether she is alive or dead. I have lived hundreds of miles away from her for 20+ years, had no contact for most of that time, and know in the depths of my heart that i will not be affected in any way even if she died tomorrow.
is it wrong of me to feel like this? she did bring me into the world afterall.
how long should one try to forgive with nothing in return before settling for the fact it is a worthless exercise to continue?
is this normal for people whose parent did not protect them as children and let the abusers continue living in the family home just for their own needs.
I am so scared of being rejected and hurt again, that i really think it is best the way it is, but feel like others around me think i am weird for being so cold when family are mentioned, i know they think it weird that i do not go home for christmas even though i have explained that my family are detrimental to my well being
am i normal or am i a friek for being this way?

[Raindropvampire]

IMHO your normal. You did what you had to do for your own emotional well-being. Most people think that no matter what you have to put up with family. They feel like there is this unbreakable bond that you just can't shut the door on. I say PHOOEY. Let them be raised the way you were and have forgiveness thrown back at them. I bet they would quickly come around to your way of thinking.

For years I couldn't be around my mother. There are times that it is still difficult. I have on several occasions cut her out completely. I would give it a few years and see if anything had changed. If it hadn't then bah what did I need her for? A few years ago we had an airing of grievances and buried a lot of the past.

But when I cut her out before I focused on my family I could stand, my friends and myself. I was fine without her and in some ways much happier. It sounds like you have given all you can to the relationship and gotten no return on it. I think it's only reasonable at some point to say screw it, this isn't getting me anywhere I need to focus on me and my needs.

Good luck to you.

sorry you had to go through this.... hugs to you.

i don't talk about my family to be honest.

worst people i've ever known (fact!)

after all the crap they've put me through i really don't care for them

[Leed]

Some people are toxic to our mental and physical health, and we just can't be around them, even if they're our mother! It's unfortunate and downright SAD that this happened to you!! Mothers are SUPPOSED to protect and nurture their children -- but there are some females who should never have had children. Since they did, they should have taken parenting classes or learned how to nurture their kids -- but unfortunately this doesn't happen much of the time.
And the children are the ones who get hurt in the long run.

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. I know you're suffering from it, and it's heartbreaking. Have you been in therapy for it? I would suggest that you do, because at some point or another it's going to rare-up and "bite you" and this kind of thing can manifest itself by turning into anger, depression, rage, etc. A therapist can help you work thru those issues.

I wish you the very best. Please take care of yourself. God bless & good luck. Hugs, Lee

[yellowted]

Lee, I have already been through the anger stage, the hate stage, the why me stage, the look like i don't care but really i do stage.... etc, i have touched on it in therapy, it is well known throughout my care team that i do not have anything to do with my immediate family and the reasons why. most of the time i am ok with it, but occasionally it does bite me, more the guilt of how i feel about them, not sadness or loss of their support.. that was never there in the first place. i really do not like the feelings i have towards my family, especially the total lack of care or interest for/in my mother, this is a part of me i do not like, maybe because i think of me as being a good person, and good people love and forgive but i really truly can't. i think it is something to do with me knowing Christmas is a time when families get together, i have the story book idea that they have fun and love is all around, which makes me feel like an alien, the oddity. it doesn't help that my carer comes in every day talking about how her mum did this for her and her dad is getting her that, and how she is getting her son every toy he asks for even when i have told her it upsets me.