Now that I have been resting my foot and getting some in some good naps, I feel less overwhelmed. Unfortunately, though, I feel incredibly angry it actually embarrasses me to write / post that. The severe anxiety has definitely subsided, but it has been replaced by anger.

I am angry with my family for all the promises they've made to me ... were them just talking out of their @$$es. Hot air.

I am angry for them getting my hopes up even a little, only to go back on their word. Or not following through.

I am angry that they put me in this position in the first place. From wayyyyyy back and continuing their bull**** even when I recently was at my lowest point.

I am angry that they pretend to care, but it is simply for appearances. They dont really mean it. Or they did at the moment, got completely self-absorbed again, and conveniently forgot.

I feel hatred and anger towards them.

I also am absolutely disgusted with the way some people behave at the office. How they take advantage and could care less. How I feel used and abused. They KNOW what they are paying me is unlivable, ridiculous and insulting but they just dont care.

I think what can I do to improve things...I have tried at the office in everyway possible short of retaining counsel. Or leaving. I have nowhere to go, though.

I dont want to get into another predicament with another firm, my foot injury too is an issue at least for another couple of months until I can get moving and present myself properly (literally) and I want to / need to get my mental health issues in order, as well.

I am angry and frustrated and need help. My parents have a 6000+ sq ft home and a couple of extra bed sets which they offered me (i really need a new matress) and they forgot. My tv died and they have extras thst are just sitting around in storage but they do nothing. My brother promised me help but he blew it off. Money means nothing to him and wouldnt make a dent. He wouldnt even notice. He went skiing with his bimbo in Canada, while I waited. Nothing came. He blew it off.

I am just angry right now. And I hate. Hate is a wasted feeling but I do feel hatred. *damn them*

[pachyderm]

Understandable. But it seems to me that wanting things they are not giving you is not the way to the calm that you probably want. You are putting your fate in their hands, which is probably not what you really want.

More than my family, I have been angry at my original psychotherapist -- actually I am still angry with him for his mental health mistakes, such as projecting onto me thoughts which in fact he held -- but being able to analyze the situation, coming to the conclusion that that is actually what happened, makes it easier for me to continue with my life and growth. Maybe you, like me, can find that understanding what other people are doing, or believing that you finally comprehend, makes your life more enjoyable.

You are right ((((Pachy)))) thank you. I am working on it. I had all that bottled up inside for months! I have really stopped hoping they would change or hoping they would stick to their word.

Now, I just have to figure out what to do at work. Sigh. The employment picture is rather bleak here and payroll reports are down again since the holidays. I have to be smart. Just not let things get to me. thanks for responding and sharing

[Open Eyes]

I think it is "ok" Rose to release your anger and not hold it on or hold on to it. I understand, it is hard to have "family" that has plenty and "could" help you, but instead they are cold, uncaring in greedy.

Well, it sounds like right now you have to manage your foot injury and perhaps at least get to therapy and work on "you" if you can. I hope you are at least getting paid while you are laid up.

It really is not good for you to allow yourself to "stew" and continue to have alot of anger with this though. Try to "let go" of something that you "cannot change" about others. And I know that can be a challenge first hand. If I am outside taking care of my ponies and I hear my neighbors laughing and fixing up their home like they have no cares in the world, I struggle. I can begin to stew, knowing that "their out right laziness/carlessness/disrespect literally ripped my life apart. When I find myself getting into an angry state of mind, I stop myself and remind myself how "they don't care" and my anger "hurts me more". I distract my mind now and do my best to let go and "say a prayer" and continue my work. I know how hard it is to do that though.

I think it is "ok" though to vent here when you need it, verses just holding it in.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[Big Mama]

Rose, I understand your pain. I know your frustration level has been mounting for some time now. I am glad you shared your true feelings here. Life is tough. Sometimes we just need to spew and get it all out. We feel so much better afterwards even if it is not right away. We are here for you. Dump your stuff on us, spew your feelings, get angry if you need to. We are your friends and will love you reguardless of your frustration. Please continue to vent as needed. You know I'll be prayin that Gods will be done.

Have a good night and try to get some sleep,
Love ya, Big Mama