[ShaggyChic_1201]

I think I am so afraid of my emotions that I don't even let myself feel them. I didn't grieve when my mother or husband died, I can bury beloved animals with dry eyes and not a second thought, and I barely care that my second marriage is falling apart.

Please tell me I'm not alone and there is a way to feel again. I've been in therapy for 2 years and am still stone cold.

[MudCrab]

Hello, bubsmiley. Have you told your therapist about this? Seems the treatment is not working. Something about the modality needs to change.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Thanks!

Yes MudCrab, but all she's said is that I'm much better than I used to be. That I can identify what I "should" be feeling, like I know now that if someone says something nasty around me, I am probably supposed to feel angry and/or anxious, but I don't actually feel it. The only time I feel anything is when my husband gets so frustrated that he screams at me for an hour or two. Then I feel incredibly sad and could cry. But I want to be more connected than that!

[MudCrab]

Good luck, bubsmiley. Congratulations. You are moving forward.

I shall keep you in my thoughts.

[Vibe]

I can see why that might come about as a defense mechanism. I'd certainly rather feel nothing than spend all my time feeling negatively. I'd probably work on positive feelings and enjoyment. Hah, maybe you can have the best of both worlds.

[Nihil]

I can feel but I don't feel as much as other people. Usually I feel frustration most often, or annoyance, and when I listen to music I can feel a lot of different feelings that I wouldn't normally feel. When people are arguing, for example, most of the time I can't understand at all why they're yelling at each other, instead of having a simple conversation. I have felt the same level of anger that other people have felt before, but it's rare that I feel that anger. Overall I'm calm and mostly indifferent, although I do care about some social issues.

[Thunder Bow]

There are no "supposed" to way on how to feel. Just go with what ever feeling you may have, don't question it, don't analyise it.

[adam_k]

When really bad stuff happens to me I go into one of two modes, neither one of them I feel any emotios. The first is a total shut down. Completely overwhelmed and unable to cope. When I caught my wife cheating on me this happened. I just sat on the bed for three hours rocking back and fourth. I didn't feel or think much, it was like I wasn't there. The second mode I go into is the crisis manager. When something happens, my emotions shut down ans I feel the urge to take actions and alleviate what ever caused me to feel this way.

[THE16THDOCTOR]

To be honest the medication I take prevents me from crying or getting too emotional, which was a huge issue prior to the meds. I experience incredible mood swings crying to laughing like a madman.
Have you considered medication? There are some great things out there that can help with that. It'll take time but its out there. Do you see a dr?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

I barely care that my second marriage is falling apart.

What? And who posted http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...good-wife.html that has collected almost 500 views already, over the course of a couple of days??

You seem to over-care than under-care, if you excuse the coinages.

[tinyrabbit]

My T and I figured out that I must have dissociated from a lot of my feelings. It's a defence mechanism.

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

I think I am so afraid of my emotions that I don't even let myself feel them. I didn't grieve when my mother or husband died, I can bury beloved animals with dry eyes and not a second thought, and I barely care that my second marriage is falling apart.

Please tell me I'm not alone and there is a way to feel again. I've been in therapy for 2 years and am still stone cold.

You are not alone bubsmiley.

I feel the same and behaved the same.

I wonder if you can laugh. If I talk about comedic story, and the other person laughs, then I can laugh for real. Sometimes though, I can't laugh and my expression is like the comedian from 30 years ago, Bob Newhart, even though the story was funny.

Oh, thanks for the post before this one.

[jpfendler]

hi,
I have been so good at pretending, i have just grown numb, but yet the pain is still there. if you go to the creative corner I wrote something about not feeling. you are not alone and can you feel again i would say probably, you probably have to go through alot of healing before you can learn that its okay to feel. i just haven't gotten there, i have had 48 years to not to feel, it can be a lonely spot to be in.

take care,
judi

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

You seem to over-care than under-care, if you excuse the coinages.

I see the apparent hypocracy in this, but I stand by what I wrote. I intellectually care, but don't feel anything about the situation I'm in. I can SAY I'm mad, but it's just in my head, not in my heart. That's probably one of the reasons I'm so indecisive.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

My T and I figured out that I must have dissociated from a lot of my feelings. It's a defence mechanism.

Tiny - I think that's right for me too. I've sometimes tried to describe it to my T as a stainless steel garage door sliding closed. It locks me in and keeps me safe; the outside world doesn't get to me anymore and I don't have to interact with anyone. It can take days or weeks, or when I was a child, years to peak out and see if the world was safe enough for me to come out. I think now it's habit - I've been doing it for so long, that I just do it without thinking.

I know I want to feel, and that's a good step. I got a glimmer of a feeling about 3 weeks ago (it was sudden sadness) and I was ironicly so happy about feeling sad.

Thanks for making me feel less alone.
Bub

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

I see the apparent hypocracy in this, but I stand by what I wrote. I intellectually care, but don't feel anything about the situation I'm in. I can SAY I'm mad, but it's just in my head, not in my heart. That's probably one of the reasons I'm so indecisive.

Very likely!

[LovelaceF]

bubsmiley, you might want to check into alexithymia:

Alexithymia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[ShaggyChic_1201]

UPDATE:
I CAN feel! Now that my H has moved out of the house and I'm not scared all the time, I can feel things. I have actually cried a few times!! I know it sounds weird to be happy about that, but I thought I was permanently broken or defective. Now I know I'm normal, but was just in a bad situation.

I feel sad about what has happened, even though I am the one that initiated the split. He kept me isolated from his family and any friends, so I won't miss any of those people, and now I'm working on developing new friendships.

Bub

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bubsmiley

UPDATE:
I CAN feel! Now that my H has moved out of the house and I'm not scared all the time, I can feel things. I have actually cried a few times!! I know it sounds weird to be happy about that, but I thought I was permanently broken or defective. Now I know I'm normal, but was just in a bad situation.

I feel sad about what has happened, even though I am the one that initiated the split. He kept me isolated from his family and any friends, so I won't miss any of those people, and now I'm working on developing new friendships.

Bub

Great news!

I feel the same about my newfound ability to cry. I feel that it makes me alive. I totally agree with you.