[mina_mango]

hi everyone,

i'm 23 and a senior in college.
i've been having a very rough time for a long time.
it doesn't look like it from the outside though.

i was diagnosed with "anxiety" at age 11. It has made my life hell to varying degrees. i take medication and it works but that's not the answer for me.

i'm overwhelmed by deadlines, expectations and pressure.
these things are actually unbearable and always have been.
the only way i get through it is by blocking out the rest of my life (like my personal life) until i get tasks done. meanwhile, i'm doubling over with stomach pains or body aches.

tolerating anxiety for so long has caused me to be extra hard on myself. i blame myself for every symptom. i push myself so hard to achieve in my life...i don't even know why. because i want more out of life, i guess.

i'm not happy at all. i don't like feeling sick everyday or having my mood correlate with how busy i am (the busier i am, the more unhappy i am). i'm finally quitting my job this week because i've hated it for years.

i have no one to talk to. everyone expects the best out of me. personal happiness was never, ever a priority in my household growing up. it was like being happy is just a bonus. simply existing is okay.

i'm broken down but i'm the only one who knows that. and i don't know what to do about it. if anyone can offer advice, please do! thank you.

[Leed]

Hi Mina ~ Bless your heart, I struggled with anxiety too for quite some time and it's awful.

Was your anxiety mostly due to your job or college? Now that you've quit your job, do you expect the anxiety to LESSEN at all? I would hope so.

It sounds like your medication isn't doing it's job -- that perhaps you might need an increase in it. Talk to your doctor, ok?

One thing my husband used to tell me when I was having an attack -- he'd say to ask myself : "What's the worst that could happen?" So I'd ask myself and think it thru. For me, I wasn't working. The anxiety would cause me to hyperventilate, and many times things would being to go black. I'd come close to fainting. So the 'worst' that could happen was I would faint. Big deal!!! If I was in public, where these often happened, they'd whoosh me to the hospital, and find I'd just fainted, and let me go home. Big deal!!!

So that helped me alot. I kept asking myself this question when I felt an anxiety attack coming on -- and it helped to stave it off !!! My pulse went down, and I didn't hyperventilate!!

Something else you can do -- Put your finger on your Carotid artery --- the BIG one on your neck, where you can feel your pulse. If you feel an attack coming on, push on the carotid artery, and it will REDUCE your pulse. Your heart beat won't be pounding out of your chest, and it CAN stop your attack.

Also drinking a cold glass of water can help too!

But long term, your best bet is to talk to a therapist. You need to know the BASIS for these attacks. What causes them? What issues do you have that makes you continue to have these? The therapist can help you thru this. Have your doctor refer you to a good therapist, and you won't regret it!

I wish you the very best. Let us know what happens. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by mina_mango

hi everyone,

i'm 23 and a senior in college.
i've been having a very rough time for a long time.
it doesn't look like it from the outside though.

i was diagnosed with "anxiety" at age 11. It has made my life hell to varying degrees. i take medication and it works but that's not the answer for me.

i'm overwhelmed by deadlines, expectations and pressure.
these things are actually unbearable and always have been.
the only way i get through it is by blocking out the rest of my life (like my personal life) until i get tasks done. meanwhile, i'm doubling over with stomach pains or body aches.

tolerating anxiety for so long has caused me to be extra hard on myself. i blame myself for every symptom. i push myself so hard to achieve in my life...i don't even know why. because i want more out of life, i guess.

i'm not happy at all. i don't like feeling sick everyday or having my mood correlate with how busy i am (the busier i am, the more unhappy i am). i'm finally quitting my job this week....

i have no one to talk to. everyone expects the best out of me. personal happiness was never, ever a priority in my household growing up. it was like being happy is just a bonus. simply existing is okay.

i'm broken down but i'm the only one who knows that. and i don't know what to do about it. if anyone can offer advice, please do! thank you.

Hello mina_mango!

You mentioned you were diagnosed with "anxiety", was there any treatment for that? Did you see a primary doctor and psychotherapist at time?

If you did not get treatment at that time, then you will need a primary doctor and a psychotherapist. If the job you have has health insurance, then it might be a good idea to keep the job for now.

Are you going to college and working, is that the situation?

You can post here and express your feelings, members of PC will give you support.

Many of us have felt broken down at one time in the past, including myself. If you can not share what you feel, do the sharing here at PC. We welcome you to PC.

[BeeKeeper]

Welcome to PC! I haven't been here long, either, but it's amazing to have so many supportive people pulling for you.

Sorry your anxiety is so rough right now I've definitely been there, too. Looks like there are already a lot of great suggestions, so I won't throw any more at you, but you'll be in my thoughts! Hope you find the help you need here and in the real world.

[mina_mango]

Hi everyone...I appreciate you listening to me!! Thanks for the support---I really need it.

@Leed:
Hi!

My job caused a lot of anxiety, but so does school. I'm just trying to work through it so I can graduate. I'm starting to see that this is probably not the right career path for me after all. It's just way more stress than I can handle and I don't think my passion is there anymore.

Thanks for the suggestions...I need to try that carotid artery and cold water trick.

I've been seeing a counselor on and off for 2 years now...he says that I get anxiety when I don't express my emotions. I hadn't had attacks for years until after a really bad heartbreak 5 years ago. There were a lot of unknowns in that situation...and the unknowns really did a number on me. Ever since then, on and off I deal with attacks. I've been really working on self-improvement these past few years, and I've discovered that, deep down, part of my anxiety is also due to resistance of moving on from the past.

----

@optimize
Hey!

I went to a psychologist when I was first diagnosed but she wasn't a child psychologist and I don't remember feeling really helped by it.

I'm in college and interning...was working but have no time for that and the job had been making me miserable for a very long time. Thankfully, I'm in a situation where I don't really need the money at this moment.

----

@BeeKeeper

Thank you for your kind words
-------------------

Yesterday I had my first genuinely HAPPY and peaceful day in a long time. It's because I quit my job and realized that I can't deal with my major anymore. And it just gave me so much peace to acknowledge that those things weren't working, finally. I wish I had more peaceful days in my life!

Usually by the end of the day I feel frantic, ready to go to bed and not in a very social mood.

During the day, I feel just...frantic. It's made worse when I don't eat. I have to really try to be in the moment. I feel like just bad...it's hard to explain...like I don't feel normal--more like, I feel anxious and i also feel 'below' everyone else and feel like a robot just going from task to task like I can't relax....so idk how to remedy that just yet...

I do have a hard time taking my med as prescribed..Buspar 3x a day...b/c I have to eat it w/ a full meal or feel dizzy and drowsy. But when I do take it 3x, it feels like it helps a little.

[Thunder Bow]

You are going in the right direction by quitting that Job. Take an easy on yourself and cut back on all those expectations you placed on yourself. You are only human. Change always involve anxiety. That is part of life adventure.

[mina_mango]

thank you...you don't know what those words mean to me. it's really easy for me to forget i'm human. taking it easy is actually a hard thing for me to do.

[avlady]

Diet helps alot too. you should keep track of what you're eating and should eat healthy foods, i know salt causes your heart to race too.

[Lilithlee]

Sorry to say I had very little advice just I know how you feel about anxiety. It's very hard and challenging in life when anxiety trying eat away at it.

[mina_mango]

Thanks guys.

I have some more things to get off my chest.

Some days are good, some days are bad...and the problem seems to evaporate...then in moments it comes back...

On my mom's side of the family I feel like my voice does not get heard. I do feel ignored, awkward. I feel awkward with a lot of my family.

Just found out some good news about my grades and to be honest, I don't care. I'm proud of my accomplishments but I'm not jumping for joy over it.

Last night, I went to this variety show with my younger cousin at an elementary school. I was so inspired by the energy and the talent and the guts of those kids...and I remember when I used to be like that.

Now, I feel like my dreams are too unrealistic to pursue. i'm unhappy. and i'm confused about what i want. i wish i wasn't the only one in my life encouraging me to get through this..

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by mina_mango

hi everyone,

i'm 23 and a senior in college.
i've been having a very rough time for a long time.
it doesn't look like it from the outside though.

i was diagnosed with "anxiety" at age 11. It has made my life hell to varying degrees. i take medication and it works but that's not the answer for me.

i'm overwhelmed by deadlines, expectations and pressure.
these things are actually unbearable and always have been.
the only way i get through it is by blocking out the rest of my life (like my personal life) until i get tasks done. meanwhile, i'm doubling over with stomach pains or body aches.

tolerating anxiety for so long has caused me to be extra hard on myself. i blame myself for every symptom. i push myself so hard to achieve in my life...i don't even know why. because i want more out of life, i guess.

i'm not happy at all. i don't like feeling sick everyday or having my mood correlate with how busy i am (the busier i am, the more unhappy i am). i'm finally quitting my job this week because i've hated it for years.

i have no one to talk to. everyone expects the best out of me. personal happiness was never, ever a priority in my household growing up. it was like being happy is just a bonus. simply existing is okay.

i'm broken down but i'm the only one who knows that. and i don't know what to do about it. if anyone can offer advice, please do! thank you.

I offer you this advice. Take some time to see the connection between the "overwhelmed by deadlines, expectations and pressure" and "it doesn't look like it from the outside though"

People who excel and who are able to do a lot are invariably called upon to do a lot, if they do not learn to say no where it is appropriate.

I give you permission to say no more often, and to explain "I need time to de-stress/relax/unwind/think/rest (choose any or all you prefer) if you feel the person needs an explanation for your "no."

I hope this helps.

[Thunder Bow]

Here is a Parable to help you relax and grow:

LIFE OF PI - Available Now on 3D Blu-ray, Blu-ray, DVD, and Digital HD

[spondiferous]

Originally Posted by mina_mango

thank you...you don't know what those words mean to me. it's really easy for me to forget i'm human. taking it easy is actually a hard thing for me to do.

Good for you for taking a stand and quitting that job. I had to do the same for my sanity almost two years back. I was worried and didn't know what would happen; a lot of people in my life - family, coworkers - thought I was crazy. I too grew up in a very invalidating household - ie, not much importance placed on general happiness and emotional well-being. It turned out to be one of the best things I ever did because not only did I finally do what I had always wanted to do (not work a dead-end job that would get me nowhere), but I realized after I left how sick I actually was and just how badly I needed the time to heal.

I hope you continue to make these steps for yourself, because each one is truly a victory, and I hope that over time, whether it's here on the forums and/or in your real day-to-day life as well, you continue to build up a group of people to help you celebrate those victories.

[mina_mango]

Hi everyone...I really am thankful for your kind words and for reaching out to me. Each step is truly a victory...I really am coming a long way in facing fears and taking risks.

I've finally accepted that anxiety is a condition...my doctor says it's a biological thing for me that can be made better or worse by my reactions to it and using the skills I've learned to manage it.

The past, like, decade has been so bad for me. So obviously...there's something going on that isn't just something I'm doing to myself. I have not wanted to accepted this long stretch of time as my life. I wanted to push myself to overcome everything and win big and get rid of this on my own. But my way of "pushing myself" was perfectionism and avoiding my emotions and certain situations.

It's just hard to accept that I won't get a second chance at a better past. It is what it is.

What pisses me off though is that...I could be doing so much more and so much better if I didn't have anxiety. But I do. I guess I could also say that I could be doing so much more and so much better if I handled my anxiety better...because that's true, too.

Sometimes I get so depressed by it all! I'm trying to live better and I want the rest of my life to be more amazing than before...but sometimes it feels very impossible, like a pipe dream...and it's going to take a lot of hard work...

i do hear you, mina.

in fact- i was only talking today... was saying that my agotaphobia really limits me.

yeah it's a sucky feeling

um spelt that wrong.

lol... agoraphobia

[avlady]

shattered sanity agoriphobia is an awful thing to live with. I think we all have our different "quirks" we have to deal with and I think we all have our own gifts too that we sometimes need to take a look back and see what we're doing so we can learn new abilities, ways, and even look at our weaknesses as good things sometimes. I think we all should be able to get the resources and ability to get help if we need it too.You have a precondition and can learn to deal with it, as you've said.

[mina_mango]

last night, i told this guy i was dating that i had an anxiety disorder. we had gone on a date on saturday, he blatantly ignored me in class on tuesday, when i messaged him to tell him that that hurt my feelings, he said he didn't feel like himself with me, i told him i felt that happening and i admitted i had an anxiety disorder that can affect how i come across...and he was barely online today (rare) and never got back to me. so i deleted him.