Problems letting hurt go

Even though I know it is not healthy, I am someone who holds onto every big and little hurt from my entire life and relives them often. I've been told many times to just let it go, but I don't understand how to do that. Its as if by letting it go, I'm agreeing that the other people were right. That the mistreatment was warranted. as long as i hold onto it, I am asserting that I deserved better. Does anyone else think like this? How did you get past it to be actually able to let things go?

Hi Redd:

Obviously holding on to old hurt and pain isn't healthy, but defining how to "let go" is difficult. I personally imagaine that I turn a dial (like from an old radio) down on the memory, thought, or feeling. Like turning the volume, intensity, and brightness down on the hurt. Also looking at my self talk about the hurt and trying to tone down my language is helpful. But is is really challenging. I wish you the best.

gary

The way I look at it, jaded as this may sound, people who hurt others aren't worth your time of day. Anger does seem appropriate at the time, but if you keep allowing people to hurt you, they have power over you. This is how I have gotten (mostly) past hurt from former relationships. They just don't deserve the thoughts in my head. It takes time for sure! I know. Good luck!

I understand how you feel, but resentment is like cancer. It eats you inside out. There is a saying: Resentment is the poison I take to kill you." And it's true.

I also think that they have NO business living RENT FREE in my head!! I have better things to think about than them. They just aren't worth it. So by erasing them, they have NOT won.

That's the way I feel. And it works for me. God bless you my friend. Hugs, Lee

Letting go is so hard, but like others said, it will eat you up alive inside.

It doesn't need to get power from you, it does not need power over you.

Keep telling yourself "I'm better at this" because you are! Try not to feed into it and give the resentment and anger strength, that is how I get through rough times.

]Even though I know it is not healthy, I am someone who holds onto every big and little hurt from my entire life and relives them often. I've been told many times to just let it go, but I don't understand how to do that. Its as if by letting it go, I'm agreeing that the other people were right. That the mistreatment was warranted. as long as i hold onto it, I am asserting that I deserved better. Does anyone else think like this? How did you get past it to be actually able to let things go?[/quote]

Charter for Compassion

ReddSN

‘Gratitude & Compassion unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.
...It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.’
~Anon
[Submitted by Margaret Stine]

Compassion and Gratitude opens our heart and mind allowing us to see the truth. From trauma we gain truthful insight, empathy, and empowerment.
It is a teacher of Forgiveness. First to get past your past move your emotional mindset and see things clearly. Surely you were hurt and mistreated and this is the truth. Surely the people who did these things were wrong and you did not deserve this. Believe this and accept this as the truth.
You said Its as if by letting it go, I'm agreeing that the other people were right. That the mistreatment was warranted. as long as i hold onto it, I am asserting that I deserved better. I held this attitude for along time.
Compassion for self
Untill I understood how unhealthy, sufficating, and repressing this attitude was effecting me. My mind was in a comparative/combative right or wrong fight mode
and all this negative energy drained me of the beautiful life I deserved.

How did you get past it to be actually able to let things go?

I'm not sure if the term " get over the past and letting things go" sets the stage for healing from the past or permits releasing of your old self/ways and allowing you to be free from past traumas.
The power of those words can trigger opposition and are usually coming from a person who does not understand the depth of your pain.
Healing begins from within, have compassion/empathy for all the pain you have been through & holding on to. You are worthy of a life filled with joy, You have the courage of a lion, and Your devotion to the truth outshines the darknest corners of your mind.
Take some private time to reflect, reframe, and transform. Be patient and reach out to others and share your story because You helped me today.
I hope my words helped you. " Gratitude "
Sincerely,
H.

Thank you for the wonderful post Happiedasiy. You have some good ideas in there and hopefully I can apply them - as much as I don't want to believe that my treatment is right, I'm not always convinced I deserve better either.

Leed, redbandit, and platinum - it's really hard for me to tell myself others don't deserve my time. Some of these people are very important to me and I know they are good people. The fact that they could treat me like this makes me think it just may all be true, because they wouldn't do it if it weren't.

Gary - turning down the volume. I do like that, and will give it a try.