Is anyone else unable to cry?

I sit in therapy and talk about my childhood sexual abuse, but I can't cry. I've lost my grandparents and other loved ones, but I couldn't cry. And last night, looking at a thread full of pics of haunting images on another site. Many of the images made me feel as if I'd been punched in the gut, but still no tears. I think I'm broken.

I went through a whole year of therapy without being able to even show anger, much less cry--even though the topics dealt with emotional abuse. I still remember my therapist trying to bring some anger out after I had told her about something that happened. She said, "That makes me mad, and it didn't even happen to me!"

I am now able to do some crying now. My guess is your emotions are all bottled up.....

Gaia, I am able to cry now, but there was a time when I couldn't.I had the idea beaten into me that I was not allowed to cry. I finally started letting it out during therapy. Then boy howdy I would flood his office. I suspect when you are ready you will cry.

I lost both of my grandmothers on the same day 12 hours apart and didn't cry.

I was also recounting some difficult memories to a professional once and they seemed emotionally effected and even commented on my complete lack of emotion.

I compartmentalise and intentionally detach myself though when having to talk about painful memories.

I have been told I "intellectualize."

I can relate to this very much. I don't think we are broken. I think that we've become so good at not allowing ourselves to cry that our body now just automatically does that. I very rarely ever allow myself to cry because some where along the line I decided it was much easier just to stuff in all back down inside of me rather than to deal with it. I too was sexually abused growing up and have never dealt with that and I am now 40 yrs old.

Two little things I wrote in my journal about this:

I sat down to write and all that would come out
Is a single tear in which no doubt
Heartaches without number were talked about
In that short journey within / without

*******

There have been too many sad winters in my life
I'm ready for more summers, falls & springs
I have not cried many tears through my sad winters
But they are there - frozen- like that season
When they do come I hope they bring
More summers, falls & springs

*******

It bothered me so badly early on in my process that I couldn't cry ... I was also afraid that when the tears did come I wouldn't be able to shut them off ... Finally they did come, and I found them to be quite helpful with the healing process ... I still have difficulty crying now, but not near as much as I used to.

I think sometimes we got so used to feeling like it didn't do any good and/or that we'd be darned if we'd let our abusers see that they could make us cry that we shut ourselves off from being able to do that. It's almost like we have to give ourselves permission to feel sadness and/or grieve for that helpless little kid we were.

Hope you're eventually able to tap into yours too and that you are also able to enjoy more summers, falls and springs because of it ... I know that I have.

I don't seem to be able to cry until I get past expressing anger which I rarely do until it explodes. Some of the traumatic experiences are numbing in themselves sort of a protective thing I think.

Oh, and one other thing - Gawd I talk too much sometimes - But, this is important.

About 10 years after I started therapy, a cat I'd rescued died unexpectedly after our 7 years together, and OMG! I was racked with grief and sobbed like all get out for about six months.

I told my therapist it wasn't right to grieve over a beloved pet like that.

She told me that my beloved pet had helped me to tap into all the sorrow and grief and losses I'd incurred and repressed over all those years of abuse I'd lived in.

It made a lot of sense, because I'd never cried like that before that I could remember.

I don't feel you are broken, for being unable to cry. I didn't really cry, much, if at all when my mom died. I, have, only recently cried about missing her, and this is a little over 3 years later. And I am not convinced that it's because she's not here. I am more convinced, that it's been a bunch of bottled up frustrations towards my father, and she was the one, if I needed understanding about him, to turn to.

I found I was at peace, with what I was experiencing with losing her. I'd been working out, in therapy, the finalization of cutting those apron strings. She and I had a more of a 'sisterly' relationship. She was 20, when she had me, and my grandmother, her mom, was and is, in many ways, that secondary mother figure.

Anyways, maybe there's too much cultural expectations that it's necessary to cry through the pain or what not? If you are confronting things, and know how to feel, is crying necessary to feel loss and pain? Just a thought.

just reading about this makes me want to cry

Remember that scene in Annie Hall where Diane Keaton is describing her first T visit and she says, "and then I cried" and Woody Allen goes, "you cried? Your first time? 15 years I've been going and I've never once cried." I think my t cries more during my sessions than I do. Maybe we're a breakthrough waiting to happen

Your numb like so many of us that have been hurt over and over. We bottle it up and don't deal with it in a healthy way because its all we know. Depersonalization.

I have been unable to cry much most of my life. It makes me the go to person in a crisis. I'm good at allowing others to cry on my shoulder so guess it's okay.

I can relate, but then something that shouldn't make me cry does, like when I give money to charity or read books about angels :/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ersonalization

{quote} Depersonalization is often categorized as a reaction. The DSM-IV conceptualizes DP as a dissociative disorder, and dissociation is a typical response to trauma. The DSM-IV also lists DP as an element of posttraumatic stress disorder and considers DP as a coping style. At the same time, depersonalization is understood as a personality trait— a constitutional predisposition to develop depersonalization that once was named “depersonability.” People with “depersonability” are prone to subclinical micro-depersonalization: momentarily but distinctive episodes of estrangement, especially pronounced during adolescence. They often develop a flourishing depersonalization-reaction in response to emotional trauma, physical stress or use of psychoactive substances. In many cases symptoms of depersonalization combines properties of DP-reaction and DP-personality trait. During some periods presentations of depersonalization-reaction prevail, during other periods signs of depersonalization-personality trait dominate.
{end quote}

I don't cry because of the antidepressant med I take. I am grateful for that, since I cried all the time, even in casual conversation when I was without it.

@Payne - I like the word "Intellectualise". Wow - I can really relate.
I had to force myself to cry the other day. I was in my horse's stable and soaking up his comfort. Then I focused on all the hurt and I really managed to let go. Just a little

I think crying is a way to release our tentions created by whatever life situations occur.I cried all the time as a teenager, and even in a few restaurants, but not publically where anyone would see me like in the ladies room.I don't see anything wrong with crying but not too much. You're probably just sad and never cried enough over something you maybe should have at the time. The tears flow when i think of my friends that have passed away, but i can control it especially if i'm alone. Crying is just a way to cope i feel.

You are not broken gaia67! I also can relate. When my father was in his death bed, I was the only sibling that wasn't crying. When he died, I didn't cried either. I only started crying after I reflected on all the things he has done for me.

I wanted to point out that everyone is made differently. Some people are more emotional than others, and some seems to have no emotions at all. I've seen people cry because someone else was crying. I've also seen people like myself who can't cry in the hospital even if I tried. Maybe it just takes a lot more to make people like me and you to shed a tear? Maybe.

Revisiting this thread as well. Quitting Effexor seems to have broken the seal on my tear ducts.

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I find it hard to cry, haven't in years, but i'm crying inside alot. I don't know why but i can't make tears come anymore.

I have not cried in years but during one of my latest therapy session some tears did fall. I think I don't cry because I refuse to allow myself to feel weak.

I can cry alone. In front of others, I am stone faced.

I don't think I've cried once in the past 10 years. I can get so sad, and so down, but no tears ever come.