[PeachCream22]

I don't know if this is the right forum...it could very well be under Study or Relationship....but it's heavily emotional.

I can't focus on my studies..I thought I'd gotten over my ex...and when he sent me a friend request I accepted it, hesitantly and after a lot of talking..but I did.

NOW i just CAN'T FOCUS!!! IT'S ONLY A MONTH TO THE BIG EXAM AND I CAN'T FOCUS MY FUTURE IS F***** UP RIGHT NOW I'VE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A YEAR OMG I HAVE TO STOP I TRIED EVERY SINGLE M*********** THING THAT PEOPLE DO TO MOVE ON BUT I CAN'T!!! I'VE TRIED SOCIALIZING, SELF-IMPROVEMENTS, HOBBIES, TALKING, AND TALKING AND MORE TALKING

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. SERIOUSLY CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE. DON'T ASK ME TO SEE A THERAPIST BECAUSE I'LL ONLY GET WORRIED MY STUDY TIME WILL BE TAKEN UP. IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?! I CAN'T F******* DO THIS ANYMORE! I'm at my breaking point, what is WRONG WITH ME WHY CAN'T I MOVE ON IT'S BEEN A F***** YEAR.

i'm sorry for the depressing post I'M JUST...BEYOND ANGER AND HURT RIGHT NOW. I'm tempted to block my ex but I don't want drama anymore. HOW could i have been so WRONG ABOUT MY FEELINGS???? I just don't want to hurt anymore...

[A Red Panda]

You're not beyond repair, and you're not helpless.

Like you said: block him! If it's poisonous to have him in your life, then remove him from it. If he's blocked there won't be any drama as he can't contact you.

When you're done with your exams though, I WOULD suggest therapy. As it is right now, if you are suicidal I recommend going to the hospital. Your ex is NOT worth dying over, trust me on that one.

You say that you don't want to go talk to a therapist because it will take up your study time. Have you not considered that you have wasted a LOOOOOT more time worrying about your ex and avoiding dealing with the issue? That's also taking up your study time. Therapy might actually take up less time (in fact, I'm certain that it will take up less time, because it seems like you're spending all of your time consumed by your ex?)

It's ok to be angry and hurt. You weren't wrong about your feelings: you cannot help your feelings! And we aren't magic, so you can't have known what your ex was truly like or what would have happened. There's nothing wrong with you, you are just having difficulties with moving on. And that's ok!

I would suggest also just avoiding social media. Go to your school's library to study! Hide yourself in a little corner without internet access, and STAY there until you've done the amount of studying you wanted to do that day. Sure, you might drift off and think about things (who doesn't do that when they study?!) but at least you can't send him messages or stalk his fb page or anything. And then after a few minutes you can get back to your work. So on and so forth. Just allot yourself more time in the library than you're actually planning on studying for.

I couldn't agree more with Red Panda!

PeachesCream22 don't give up. There is nothing wrong with you, and your not alone in this forum or in your lingering feelings. I'm sorry for your upset (which is what happens when hurt meets anger)...sometimes venting helps so vent away anytime you feel you need to.

[avlady]

I'm also sorry for you in this situation, i say block him, at least until the exams are over.Because your school stuff is bothering you,try to concentrate on the fact that you need to get the exams over with and think of how good it will feel after you study and take the exams. Please don't do anything stupid like trying to kill yourself, we need you here, and i know you will be stronger after getting through this.

[PeachCream22]

I get you guys. Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it...but I don't know how I really feel right now, anger and hurt at him or anger and hurt at myself for letting him get to me and making me neglect my studies so badly.

Okay, what I'm about to post next is under relationships, but since i'm here i might as well post it here. I can't forgive myself for dumping my ex after two weeks. I didn't want to progress the relationship any further. He has been trying to be nice, but he has hurt me a lot, and to tell the truth, I AM actually hurt, but i bore it all because in my opinion, I deserved it for "playing" with his feelings during the two week relationship. Every time he tries to be friends and I was just so scared of making a mistake I just tried my best to be friends and all but we couldn't. Every time he hurt me during the friendship process i'd just bear it and try to see things from his side, because for me, he was the right one all the time, never in the wrong. He was ultra-sensitive about everything i did (even just naturally not talking to each other), although he claims that this is what friends shouldn't do and should talk to each other often, and for me, I thought that I was being selfish and thoughtless about his feelings every time he said that, and this has been going on and off for a year.

We cut off contact for awhile, he was the one who did, and then he suddenly wants to be friends again. I accepted it, because I was fine with it that time. He says to trust each other and talk whatever. But ...

Now whenever I think about everything he ever did to hurt me and about what I did, I snapped. I went crazy last night. (hence the above post) I got so angry and upset about everything he's ever done. I've been neglecting my studies like f*** and failing and my future's a mess. After we broke it off last year and after a little while i'd realised my feelings for him but he's already found someone else, and I didn't know, i said I loved him but he didn't even give a reply, let alone a closure. He just sort of skipped the topic because it made things awkward, and we sort of smiled it off. I just....I just feel so angry, and my self-esteem got blown to bits when i heard he found someone else AND YET HE STILL WANTS TO FRIENDS. And above all that, I still feel all this hurt to me, is karma because i've hurt him when I've dumped him. This must be what he felt, and I owe this friendship to him, no matter how much it sucks for me. That's how I feel. Am I doing the right thing?

To a red panda: yes, i know that I have been wasting my time thinking about him, but I've never really thought that I'd needed help. I thought that I'd be fine, but it hasn't been fine. And as you see, i haven't been avoiding the problem, I have been trying to deal with it by the stuff I've done as mentioned above. But I still can't move on. It has never occurred to me it might be something so serious as depression to need a therapist. Don't think there's any in my area. School counselors should be okay for my case, though? Since I'm dealing with what an adolescent student deals with.

[A Red Panda]

Ok, first off!

Re-read your post and pretend it isn't you, ok? (Yeah, that's tricky). If you're in any way successful with that pretending... you'll notice a few things in here about yourself.

1. you're blaming yourself way, way, too much - It is OK to break up with someone! It truly is, and it's kinder to break up with someone early instead of leading them on. You did NOTHING WRONG.
2. You have continued to punish yourself for this, INCLUDING accepting any bulls*** he's thrown at you since.
3. Priorities are necessary - right now your priority is school. There is nothing wrong with that!
3. He is manipulating you, whether or not he intends to. He intentionally guilt-tripped you when he said that friends need to talk regularly - No, actually, they don't! I don't get to talk to some of my friends for months and we are STILL very good friends.
4. He has ignored your requests for space and he has clearly ignored your emotions (as shown through his lack of acknowledgement of your confession)
5. You do NOT "owe" anyone a friendship. Do you owe him sex? No. So would you owe him friendship? No.
6. It is not karma.
7. "my self-esteem got blown to bits when I heard he found someone else and he still wants to be friends". Absolutely valid feelings! This is what a councellor could help you with. Have you questioned why he wants to be friends now that he's in a relationship? There is a chance that he's genuine, but there is also a chance that he just wants to make you feel jealous and hurt. That, or he's unhappy in the relationship and is using you for an emotional ego-boost. Any of those could be true.
8. You're way of dealing with this stuff has been to let yourself get used by him and to not at ANY moment consider your own happiness or well-being. That isn't dealing with the situation! That's letting yourself get used, and making yourself miserable! It's not dealing with it at all
9. "I'm dealing with what an adolescent student deals with" - you've just completely trivialized yourself and your entire experience. This signals to me that you reallllly have a low self-worth and that a councellor would be REALLY REALLY BENEFICIAL. This line makes me worry for you, because your issues should not be trivialized in that way. They're a real and genuine issue; people have trouble moving on at all ages. People allow themselves to get used at all ages. People need help with self-esteem at all ages.

Can you see how that is true?

Your ex sounds like a really poisonous presence in your life, and it does not sound at all like you need him complicating your life.

It's ok to need or want some help you know. You've got a lot on your plate!

Have you explained to him that you NEED to concentrate on your education right now and that you just cannot afford the time he seems to expect of you? Make your boundaries clear and ENFORCE them (this is if you aren't willing/able to just do a clean cut)

[PeachCream22]

I tried what you told me to. That was an eye-opener. It's not that what you said never occurred to me before, but it has helped me sort out my feelings for quite a bit. I see what you mean. That is a very interesting way of looking at things....not to mention a pretty refreshing perspective actually. I laughed at the owing him sex part. That just makes more sense that way. What you said not only makes sense, it even lifted my spirits a little. So I'm normal after all..

And the thing is actually: I'm not SURE he is in a relationship, but he likes someone and that girl also likes him, so it's pretty much a relationship. I feel like he's keeping his options open and i'm someone to fall back on if he doesn't get what he wants? And you Number 8 point was mind-blowing.

And about the really low self-worth part...I've had suspicions that my esteem was lower than normal "low" levels, because my esteem was low to begin with, since i have been bullied before when I was younger, but not anymore though. Now that my very first relationship was kaput even though i've tried so hard, esteem's dropped beyond the realm of human emotion. I'm exaggerating, of course. But I've never thought about suicide before, was fairly content before he came. Because every time I get angry at him for hurting me, I feel like i'm the bad person who doesn't deserve to be angry and so i bear it and suck it all up. THANK YOU for pointing it out. IT'S amazing you notice things like that even though i'm not with you in real life. I have been punishing myself all this time come to think of it...

The thing is...the times he hurt me was because he was hurt. y'know, cause we broke up. And then right after that (a month maybe?) I've heard rumours and stuff that he likes this girl whom he used to like (the girl, me and him were from the same school previously) and then he confessed to her blablabla and then the times he hurt me was when we try to become friends and when i just don't talk to him at school (i don't ignore him, but i don't talk to him either). I did this for quite a long time, and then several failed friendship attempts, I got fed up and left, and that's when he started apologising for everything he did...and then he started saying he misses me things like that. Things got intense and we nearly got back, and he said he wanted closure...like...a relationship and then break it off and we'll move forward. I don't know what he meant by that. To get together for a little while and then break it off, and he goes back to that girl? Cause after this we'll be going to our unis and overseas and yeah...

But albeit everything, Thank you very much, A Red Panda. You have been really helpful and supportive throughout my feelings. It makes my head a lot clearer now.

[A Red Panda]

I'm glad to be able to try to give you a fresh perspective!

He wanted a relationship again so that he could end it? Does he have control issues much?? That would be a big red-flag to me that I probably did the right thing, if I was in your situation.

You're totally normal. And this was your first break up? That always makes it harder!!

I'm a people pleaser in a lot of ways... I cannot stomach hurting someone. Like... can't abide it. The only relationship I tried to break up.... I ended up walking out! And then got back together within a few days. And then we broke up maybe two weeks later. I'm absoluteley terrible at moving on too... I'm always a bit of a walking time bomb within the months following a relationship. haha.

It's OK to stand up for yourself and take care of yourself! It really, really is. Feel free to drop me a PM if you ever need too, ok?