Help me out please

So I have three children and I absolutely hate the look of disappointment on their little faces. Here's the problem. Whenever my family has a problem with me they'll have an attitude with my kids too and treat them as if they don't exist. My children don't have anything to do with my personal life and it pisses me off that someone would treat my kids so wrong because of their disagreements with me. They're too young to even understand what's going on so why treat them differently as if they've done something to yo?

My dilemma is how to go about the situation. Since I know they do it purposely should i just cut them off from my children completely or just deal with it. I want my family and children to know each other and have a bond but how can that happen when they're constantly acting wishy washy with my children. I don't want to confuse my children and let them grow up thinking this is normal like I did.

What should I do. Then my family will try to make me feel bad. Here's an example. Before I got into this living situation I'm in now I was living with my boyfriend in our apartment and we literally stayed away from everybody for about 7 months to get ourselves together. It was never to keep my children away from any intentionally. My family was infuriated that I hadn't brought my children around them in so long. I felt bad but I didn't think it mattered because, like I said whenever someone has a problem with me they have a problem with my children.

Would I be wrong if I cut off all contact between my children and my so called family? We'll be moving in sometime within the next two months so should I just make this a permanent departure between my children and family?

I need logical answers! Please help me my head is spinning just thinking about it.

It does sound like you need at least a break from your family. Do you go to counseling yourself, or would you be able to? I don't think its a bad thing if you don't want you children in the middle of an adult situation, it just breeds more problems, and may ruin the childs friendships too, if they are close to them. Well you're moving anyway? I'm sorry to say this is a lifelong delimma you will have to go through making this decision with the new people too? Trust your own judgment too!

If I were in your shoes I'd at least attempt to level with your family. You could tell them "look - I know I have my share of issues - but they're my issues & the kids are innocent. Do to me as you see fit. I'll try to do better (& ya de ya) but PLEASE ... don't use the kids as a battleground."

Thanks and I think about going to counseling and I know I need to but I am scared that the doc will tell me I'm crazy or try to put me on some medication because I have crazy thoughts. But I'm just lost. I want so badly to just erase my children's memory of these people but I can't and they use that to their advantage just to hurt me not realizing that their hurting my children in the process as well. It's a bad place to be in as a parent.

I have talked to them about it and that's the reason they choose to do this to me. They know if my children are hurt even the tiniest it'll break me and that's why they do it. They use my children against me and it hurts but they don't realize how close they are coming to never hearing from me and my children again. I'm so hurt and confused that I just want to leave and never come back. I already feel like my family mean me and my children no good.

You most likely made a mistake by not communicating with them for seven months. If my kids did that to me I'd be heartbroken. Perhaps you need to apologize.
Then tell them you want to start afresh, and using the kids as leverage to get to you is off limits. If they do that, cry foul, and point blank ask them if they wish to drive you and your kids away!

I can appreciate your dilemma, cnfused.girl. It seems like dealing with relatives always has it's fair amount of stress, doesn't it?

The focus in this situation is the children. Above all, you want what is best for them. Personally, I think it is best to keep them surrounded by people that love them and are connected to them. It sounds to me like it would be best to talk this over with your family in a calm and reasonable way and appeal to the love they have for your children. They must care about your children very much if they became infuriated when they didn't see them for a while. I believe this can be worked out because everyone involved values your children.

The other thing to keep in mind is you are teaching your children about relationships. Whatever you decide to do, they will learn to resolve relationship problems similarly when they get older. Would you prefer for them to learn to cut off contact when problems arise or for them to make every effort possible to reconcile disagreements? This is a great opportunity to teach them that difficulties with others can be worked out. I believe your family has been unintentionally cruel and just need to be reminded that the children should not be punished for disagreements among adults. Sometimes people just react without thinking about all the ramifications involved. A discussion about this can prevent it from happening further in the future and maybe even open a conduit for all of you to talk through other issues if you can keep things peaceable.

I would talk to your family about the way they treat your kids when you are on the outs with them. Explain that you want your kids surrounded by their extended family regardless of your personal relationship with them. In the mean time, make sure you reassure your kids that your family's behavior has nothing to do with anything they did.

You need to stay away from family. Stay out of their process. You can't change them any way. They are not going to listen. Their issues have nothing to do with you, your children or any one else. They have to own their problems, and one one can make them do that.

I did apologize to them because it wasn't intentional and afterwards everything was back to normal. Now they're just doing what they're doing to be spiteful. That's why I'm mad about it.

I'm not a parent so I'll just state my opinion from a child's point of view, from someone who has a family thats quite similar to yours. First, how old are you children? You say they're too young to understand but if they can notice the difference in your families behavior maybe they aren't completely clueless. Now, I'm not saying they're going to right out tell you but try and watch their body language whenever you bring up the family member(s) that treated them badly or you have a problem with. I'm 17 now and when I was younger I barely commucated with my family members because they lived in different countries and I was kind of sad because of it. But, now I'm glad they were distant because I realized how twisted and selfish my family can be. All I can say is follow you gut because at the end of the end of the day your their mother and if your family wants to be wishy-washy you'll be there to tell them that it's not ok.