The Dreaded Christmas Tree

Okay, here's an emotion that i'm trying to cope with: anger.

I legitimately have a problem with saying no, i'm working on that in T. But when I say no - my mother absolutely ignores it or guilts me into saying yes.

The year before last I put up the Christmas tree (by myself). It was my first Christmas home from college and I thought - why not. It was nice and lovely and we have kids in our family who'd love it. Cool. Then I had to take it down (alone) and I decided, I probably wouldn't do it next year because that part wasn't so fun.

Last year I said i'd rather not put the Christmas tree up. My mom guilted me into putting it up saying how she really likes it and the kids will love it and lalalala. Well that tree went up again - alone. I told her I was absolutely not taking it down. So she said i'll help you. I said ok fine. She helped me and obviously we got distracted because only 2/3 of it got down. And I'm sure the other part didn't get down because I was "taking a stand".

THIS year i said that I am not putting up the Christmas tree. So far i've made it to day 12 and my mom's like "well i'll put it up by myself". I was just like "yeah...ok " My "mom" is actually my grandmother and clearly i'm not going to allow her to do that by herself and get hurt.

So today i told her that I am not putting the tree up this year. She told me to stop being so lazy. I wanted to yell f*** you, but of course, i'm respectful enough not to. But I am definitely getting more and more angry and resentful and I was just starting to get past some of that with her (as its already been established in T that we're codependent).

So, since the tree is basically for my aunts kids I told my mom i'd watch the kids and let my aunt help her with the tree and she said no! I've told her that the rest of my family is NOT handicap and more than capable of doing the things I do for her (as i AM the youngest adult in this freakin family right now).

She SAYS its because nobody else does things without messing stuff up or half doing it etc. I've told her it FEELS like she is saying "I don't want other people have to slave to do things they don't want to but Teal, yeah its okay for her to slave and do all the work."

I'm trying not to s.h. because I realize my anger is with her not myself right now but gah I am so so so annoyed right now. At this point i'm thinking next year i'm not even going to be home at all for the month of December to make sure that I don't put up that **** tree.

I Hope you realized, what a 'passive' statement, 'Ill just do it myself', is

I'd feel resentful, too.

No words of advice, just sending you some hugs ((((Teal)))))
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Thank Healing. ...but whats a passive statement?

By saying, I'll just do it myself, is to lay a guilt trip. Instead of being direct, it is a passive-aggressive way, to get what she wants, you to do the tree. Well, her home, why wouldn't she be the first to start? Why not, ask for help? Your initial post, implies, she isn't able to do it all, herself. Which is the underlying tone, in that do it herself statement.

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Yeah I think if she absolutely had to she could but I doubt it honestly. She's got a prosthesis (she can walk and all that) but it would be really hard. I would be a horrible horrible person to just watch her do it and not do it myself.

Well maybe it should be something that is done AS A FAMILY where everyone helps with some aspect of decorating the tree... my father always did the lights... Mom and we kids helped with the ornaments and tinsel. Taking it down we did it in reverse. We took the ornaments and tinsel off with Mom, Dad took off the lights and took it curbside for the garbage pickup. There was little fighting that way over who did what... and sometimes we kids would be asked to add a cool teapot of water to the base of the tree to keep it alive. ONE PERSON DOES NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALL.

1) Super cool that ya'll had a real tree!!

But honestly, that would be totally awesome except in my family...one person (me) does have to do it all - and when I don't i'm told I'm being "antifamily".

I was so angry with my mother, she made x-mas a living hell. She bought a tree one time and made me put it up.(let me tell you x-mas was miserable at our house)I took it down x-mas day and that was the end of it. I actually took tree and all to the dump.HA HA HA

When I'd realized that I HATE putting up and taking down a live Christmas tree, I'd stopped doing it. We put up Christmas lights around the entrance to each room, I'd taken my favorite ornaments and made two ornament trees from stands shaped like a Christmas tree, and put up a real evergreen wreath with a bow on it in the hopes it has that wonderful smell.

I do occasionally miss the "real thing", but come New Year's Day when it all comes down, I am sooo grateful it never went up!

Merry Christmas, all!

Um - JeaLouS! Thats a pretty good idea I'd suggest it next year but I am not doing anything else Christmas related in this house. I.am.over.it.

I love going home and seeing family at xmas, but I do get stuck with the majority of wrapping, cleaning, cook prepping what have you. I usually end up resentful because I get tired and my sisters do only the bare minimum to help. I'm trying not to get sucked in too deep this year but it is hard!