[Unstable29]

First of I apologize for use of language I may use in this post and hope I do not offend anyone. I'm feeling all kinds of mixed emotion at this moment but the one that stands out the most would be RAGE! I'm so pissed off with my family and just how damn selfish some of them can be. My grandmother is dying and all these ****s think about are what they want or what they are going to get. Today they took my grandmother off basic life support as per her living will and the decision made by my father and his brothers. I made my peace with it and I told my grandmother my goodbyes so I'm not so much upset about that but from a conversation that my cousin decided to have with me on the very day that my father and uncles have made this decision. She has the audacity to explain that she and her father had discussed the fact that she needed a vehicle all of this being a prior conversation which means its been in the plans for who knows how long. So she proceeds to say "I hope that this isn't an inappropriate time but do you want the car"? All kinds of thoughts ran through my head at this moment some of which I will not mention but SERIOUSLY? Are you kidding me!!!! NO I don't think that this is the time to discuss this matter SHE IS STILL ALIVE ugh this is just making me so sick to my stomach to be losing my grandma and to have to deal with this moron! Being the type of person I am I kept my cool and just simple told her that if she had the money to pay for it then it was hers. I just can't believe this is happening but then again sure I can because my cousin was never there to visit my grandma, never called her to say hi, sad thing is she only lived an hour away. Oh but now she devastated crying and boohooing over losing a woman that she couldn't take 5 minutes out of her busy life to call and check up on. I on the other hand live 3 hours away and I made it up once a month to visit my parents and always made a point to see my grandma and when I did live in town I mowed her grass, helped her around her house, went to lunch with her,sat and talked for hours about how she grew up and the journals she kept through out her life and all the crazy stories she had to tell. She really meant a lot to me and to see the spectacle that my family is putting on over this just disgusts me. As I sit here in tears because I'm losing my friend my heart just hurts so bad. I was going to go back home and see her one last time but I just couldn't do it emotionally I didn't want the last moments of my grandmothers life to be in sadness and seeing her struggle to breathe I just couldn't handle it. Anyway that's my rant thanks for reading!

[kaliope]

I am sorry that you are losing someone that you deeply love and care for. there is no excuse for the callous behavior of those around you. I am sorry that you have to put up with that in your time of grief and sorrow. take care

[gayleggg]

I know how hard seeing people you love in the pain of dying, I've been there. I can understand how that is not the last memory you want to have of her. As far as family, I've seen even the closest of families become estranged due to a death in the family. Try to remember the good times with you grandma not the issues with family. You have my sympathy.

[Alone & confused]

I'm so sorry!! This sounds like "certain people" in my family! Went through the same thing with both of my grandparents & Still don't talk them today because of their greed. It's sad how times like this can bring out the worst in people! Instead of grieving with the family, mine was fighting over "pots & pans" while the rest of us were mourning the loss. Again, I'm sorry for all you're going though!

[monkeybrains21]

i know what ur feeling, the anger festers. all i can say from experiance is u dont want to remember her dying that is not the last image u want of her seared into ur brain. have happy pictures of her around.

my twin died 6yrs ago the last memories i have of her are her dying and me tryin got save her. still the repeated nightmares haunt me and i get narsty flashbacks to her hell and other things that were bad in my past.

dont let ur families greed poison u. karma will get them. u are who u are and u are caring to those whom u have always been there for and they for u. if u have home videos of the good be sure to watch them. pictures? create a slideshow of the happy get rid of all pictures that are not. u dont have to destroy those pics just seperate from the good.

[sabby]

((((((((((( Unstable29 ))))))))))))

I'm so sorry about your grandma. I understand the pain of loosing a loved one. I'm so glad though that you have some wonderful memories of the time you spent with her over the years and the good things you did for her.

Try to keep those in the forefront of your mind as you work through this difficult time. It seems that in so many families, there are those who did the right thing by their loved ones in life and in death and those who are selfish during their life and death. The ones who are selfish usually end up paying the price somewhere down the line while the ones who did the right things have peace of mind and heart.

You can't control how other people think or behave right? All you can do is control yourself. Once we understand we don't have control over those who are hurtful or selfish, it's much easier to let it go and hold onto our own good feelings of the loved one we are loosing/have lost.

I wish you peaceful times and thoughts during this difficulty.

[BLUEDOVE]

The amount of brainless people like this in the world
is astonishing! I wish you peace and love.
God Bless,
BLUEDOVE

[Nammu]

I am so sorry, it sounds as if you loved your grandma very much.

I am glad you can come here, put these feelings down on paper and get validation. Grief is hard in any situation. dealing with family who all have various emotional attachments or lack of them and are in different stages of grief is one of the hardest parts of dealing with with all of this. Sabby is right try to hang on to the good memories and let go of those from your family that are negative. Easy to say and difficult to achieve but worth the effort for the peace it will give you.

[nycgal448]

I am real sorry ur losing ur grandma, it really hurts to lose
someone we love so much, who has been there and has
touched our lives. I wish u comfort .

[RogueWolf]

Hope you take this the right way. The problem is cos of happy la la tv shows people expect humans to be caring etc when in fact human nature is disgusting, aggressive, nasty and callous. Most humans would kill thier own mother if it wasn't for the law. Contrary to what we are taught kindness is the exception not the rule. Not saying it's a good thing or that it's acceptable or that you have to like it just saying the truth nothing more.

[allme]

I had an uncle like that when my grandfather passed away. It just goes to show the greed and selfishness in some people. Makes me sick.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[amazinglyso]

Sounds like you need a lot of space to identify who you are apart from those around you, whose personalities and self-expressions are suffocating your rightful need to gather strength for yourself!. It's perfectly okay to say to them I need some time to myself even if it does offend - it is not selfish to want your space and time to yourself whatever you decide to do with that time alone is up to you. I'm fortunate enough not to have family, yet those who do like yourself, need to allow you the time and freedom to become who ever you want and whatever you wish to be.

Try not to judge others though, they are imperfect as you already have elaborated in your post, so you know that their issues and their failings are their own carrier-bags full of their stuff - not yours. Because it is not your stuff, you should not be carrying around what they carry, you only have one pair of shoulders and not five!. Being selfish is never a negative thing, but believing that it isn't are two different things. It might be useful to you if you like drawing to sketch a picture of all the things that make you feel burdened and weighed down by others - place their bags upon their shoulders so that you can see what is your stuff and what is theirs?.

Not sure if this is helpful or not to you, but I hope that it helps on your journey - It helped me so hoping that it does help you too.