Old issues just kicked me in the gut

My blood family never learned to take care of each other very well. I have stepfamily that I've had to lean on a lately....not for money...just shelter. I hate to lean on anyone for anything financially & have rarely had to do that.
My father did not treat me well in front of my stepfamily...redhead stepchild except I am not a redhead - or he took care of them and not his own chilren (If you have ever seen the movie "The Savages" -w/Philip Seymour Hoffman & Laura Linny- I could have written it). I am in an occupation where we just went through a very slow time - I work with children that struggle with learning..this is the most important thing I have ever done. My life and how I feel about myself changed drastically over the years...but some of the step family still see or treat me as the little loser. Did not have a good discussion tonight w/my stepsister and all those old bad feelings just rose to the surface. Really no where else I can go at the moment - it will change but having a bad sad angry f*** it moment.

Maybe this will take some pressure off me. Yesterday, I spoke with the scientist who assembled the program we use to help students. It's understood at my office that we are having hardships financially right now. We all love what we do and are trying to get through a slow time. I explained to him that I've had to lean on my family as of late to hold on to this job and it is embarrassing to me. I have always taken care of myself - since I was a teen (family did not take good care of us). My family's answer is to go and find a better paying job. Let me put it this way, I've said it before, my job is my passion - what I get out of bed for and the best thing I have been able to do thus far in my life. I am not going down without a fight. If someone was in a marriage and they loved their life, their spouse and children and were struggling financially - the answer is not to find a richer spouse. I need understanding while I get through a tough time. Yet, I understand it's not my stepsister's role to help me with shelter. Anyway, the scientist is going to call her and let her know that the fact she is helping me is recognized and appreciated while we try to get through this. Not sure what her reation will be but it's all I know to do right now to take some pressure off while I try to carry on.

I totally understand what you mean by its not easy relying on others. Trust me I hate it. But one thing that makes me feel just slightly better, if I have to rely on someone, is that if they are there when I am down and willing to help and they haven't walked out on me, it shows me that they truly care.

As far as not being treated well I so understand that as well. It sucks majorly, but the fact that you wake up and living for your passion and that keeps you going, remind yourself every time the past comes back up, that you are better now, you do what you love and you made it this far.

But when I have stuff come back to me I notice that I get really angry. But I found a site that is actually very interesting to read. Thought you might like to read it for yourself.

How To Release Anger Effectively And Quickly

Thank you...I did read the link and liked it. I am most definitely here because I need to blow off steam, write and get it out of my head. Plus I do like to be supportive of others - I have a great deal of empathy and have to remember not everyone is made the same way. I still carry some of my past pain when I react...it is so much better.. but a work in progress.

I actually have a red-headed stepson He was a bit of a problem out of school but eventually found himself and now is one of the pillars of our family with his wife and the two grandchildren, etc. It can take time for changes to be acknowledged and worked through and some people (like your stepsister it sounds like) can be threatened by that change. My stepsister and I have just gotten together again over her aunt; I thought our relationship was done a couple Christmases ago when she no longer hosted a big "family" dinner party, wanting to be with her husband and her children and their families only. Keep hoping and working for a better relationship with family, it can happen.

Thanks. I was a really good kid. You could not punish me anymore than I would punish myself. I survived with very little emotional or financial support - my dad gave his all to the step family. My dad treated me like s*** they followed his lead and no one would stand up to him... My stepmother would leave me notes telling me how much she loved me. Her own children were spoiled and she knew it..she would acknowledge what a good person I was when no one else was listening. I do have a much better relationship with my stepfamily (stepmom has passed away)..but the walls are still up a bit..and they have their own issues. Sometimes I still feel like they fall into that old way of thinking of me, the way my dad did. I try not to blame them for "who they are"..it's not their fault my father was a p***k. I do have understanding from outside support.