Feel Like I am Going to Die

I feel like I am dying from the inside out. The pain, hurt , depression is slowly pulling the life out of me. Does anyone care? Do I care? Even basic coping now requires HUGE effort.

I care! And I know where you're coming from. Safe hugs

i car 7 i hope you get better soon!

As bad as I have felt the last two months, I still try to be safe.

seekersinking, I'm glad you're trying to stay safe. Lots of on here are experience pain and depression, so please know you're not alone.

Hi seekersinking, well you know I care, right??!!

Sometimes it can be just too much even to force yourself to care about where you're at, but maybe you can take some strength and comfort in knowing that there are lots of us on here who really really care about you. And you and what you're going through matter a lot to us.
The bit inside you that's you is still there, even if the depression is making it hard for you to feel/reach that right now.
Inside you are still the same/still alive and when the depression lifts with help/support.................
But even if you're finding the "simplest" things hard to do, don't "beat yourself" up for that, you're going through a lot. So whatever you can do, however small is massive.
Right here for you, if you want to talk a bit more..............

Alison

Thanks Alison. I feel really stuck, like, is it going to be like this from now on? I am hoping so much that this depressive epispode will get a little better or just evaporate one day.

It occured to me since this morning that if I remain stuck, well, what am I going to do? I have spent too much time escaping to my bed. I think I need to encourage myself to be up and doing things.....and its ok to be hurting while I....do housework, etc. But, it is SO hard!

A hug for you and one for me

Recently I was going through a very very hard, down time. I've been on medication for years to help with depression and anxiety. I also have been receiving therapy on and off for years. I'm also very interested and study "what the brain is doing"..with all I have learned... when I went to the psychiatrist...he could see I was in crisis and I knew I was. He wanted to change my meds up a bit...I did not want more meds...I should be able to get myself out of this...but no...I did add a little medication to what I already take and of course therapy - my challenges are still all the same..BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER - to take care of what I need to. I think medication is over perscribed in many cases..but other times it is a live saver. I wish you better feelings - very soon! Take care

Hi seekersinking, I'd say that it's important to remember that this is how it is "right now". Although it may seem endless it is just "right now". There are still plenty of tomorrows, next weeks, next months.............and they don't all have to be just the same.
The more you're fighting it (which you are!!), the more you're getting help (which you are!!), the more you're seeing the "possibles" (which you have!!) the more you're letting it know that it isn't going to win, the more chance you're bringing "peace" that bit closer.
And you know if you're really down on energy/motivation then use some of that to help you too. For example would it really harm if the hoovering was postponed for just one day if what you really need much more "right now" towards feeling a little better is a relax in the bath, a short walk to clear "your head", sitting listening to music you find comforting...........whatever??
Those things are still "doing things"/breaking through or chipping away at the "stuck" so just make sure you focus on you and caring for yourself in all this too.
It needn't always be like this but "right now" just try to focus on making things/days that little bit better for you on your journey towards all those tomorrow's, next weeks, next months..........when things can get a bit easier.
Alison

Thanks Brainhi. I have an appoint with doc end of the week to discuss meds. Have you ever felt stuck or trapped as I do?

Thank you! I am letting myself soak up the encouragement.

I'm not exactly sure what you are referring to...but I do get trapped with the way I think. I get more worried than depressed. And the worry wears down and the depression can set in.

Most of my therapy revolves around having someone to talk to that I can be totally honest with and get the anxiety out of my head, look at it and find ways to deal with it.

I have a better understanding of why I react to things the way I do - understanding myself has been very important - I have very few people in my life that really understand me. I'm easy to get a long with, funny and social...but then not too many have gotten deep with me...and some do not want to and cannot handle it. Many times I "appear" to be a happy person...and sometimes I am... over time I have been gotten pretty good at hiding my sorrow - It's alway a work in progress!

Tell us more about you and what you are going through.

From Frankbtl...."But even if you're finding the "simplest" things hard to do, don't "beat yourself" up for that, you're going through a lot. So whatever you can do, however small is massive.".

That's a perfect thing to say when someone is down...means so much to be understood - that is exactly what if feels like sometimes!

Hugs for you Seeker. Depression and Anxiety are my major issues, and I know all too well how you're feeling. Nothing I could add that would help you any really, the people here are so supportive and kind, and all I can do is agree with the wonderful encouragement and support you've received so far.. I hope you will feel un-stuck soon, and also have to say just do what you have to right now, to get through the tough spots. I struggle mostly hiding my issues from others, and getting the ones close to me who know to understand and not hurt them in the process of going through my dark spells of depression and anxiety. It all equals a lot of pain, dealing with a lot of pain.

Best wishes friend. Thanks for sharing here with us.