So I feel ****ing ugly this evening. I feel so inadequate, like I don't deserve to be here. And I guess I'm posting this more out of desperation than anything else, because I honestly don't expect anyone to be able to help me. I'm incapable of being helped, in my opinion. But anyway...I wish more than anything else right now that I could be like other girls, because they're skinny, or they have big boobs, or they're funny and smart. But I am none of those things. I'm nothing. It seems like all the other girls around me are so beautiful and I'm not. You know, they only tell you how to love yourself if you're a skinny girl who feels fat, they don't tell you what to do when you're actually fat. Or else they throw you some ******** thing about curvy girls being sexy, but hell, I don't even fit into the 'curvy' category. I don't even have breasts or hips or an ***. I don't even have that much going for me. I'm just plain fat and nobody knows how to help a girl who's just plain fat, apparently. Do fat girls even deserve to love themselves? I just...I'm sorry for the big *****ing rant you guys, I just feel like everyone else is beautiful and I'm not. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have no place in this world because I'm ugly, and who wants you if you're ugly? Or at least that seems to be how society looks at things. I mean, I already know that guys my age (17) aren't into girls like me at all, they'd pass me up for my mom before they'd even consider hooking up with someone like me. And I know that girls hate being catcalled, and I hate it too, I find it disrespectful both as a feminist and as a human being. But a part of me craves that kind of attention. I just feel like if I had some random guy hit on me, at least then I would know that I'm attractive to at least one person out of 7 billion. But no. I've never been hit on or whistled at, hell, I consider myself to be lucky if I can even get a guy to look at me with something other than disgust in his eyes. I feel like I'm just repelling to the entire male species in general. Again, I'm sorry for the rant you guys. I'm sorry. I just feel like everyone else is beautiful and I'm not.

[kaliope]

I hope you feel better now that you have ranted. I am a fat girl too. have been all my life. my mom always told me that no guy would ever want me because I was fat. I was actually in a couple relationships but only when I had gotten down to a size 12 or 14. but I still couldn't believe guys wanted me then. I still believe guys would never want me so I think that I why I have been alone for so long. self fulfilling prophecy. I see lots of huge women with nice looking men come into where I work and wonder how that happened, so I know it is possible and wonder why not me. so I know it has got to be the way I think. change the way I think and I might get a man. take care.

Kaliope, I'm sorry you've had such a hard time yourself. *Hugs*
I do feel kind of better now that I've ranted and had about a day to get over it. But I'm still not over it entirely. The feelings are the same. I still feel ugly and inadequate, unlovable...still feel as though I don't deserve to be here. Yes, I am extremely painfully jealous of girls who are skinnier/prettier/more outgoing/etc. Been thinking about starving myself because I feel too fat to eat. I'm 300 pounds, I don't need anymore food. I need to lose weight so I can find a boyfriend by my 18th birthday. Seems like all the other girls are beautiful while I'm still ugly...makes me wanna die sometimes. I feel like there's no room for me here, like I'm not wanted. I feel so alone...I guess I'm not much better off after all. I kind of want to die...still seems like everyone else is beautiful and I'm ugly, which is the worst pain in all of this.
I hope you're doing better than I am.

I get the strange feeling that nobody gives a ****.

[DSM-3.1415926]

Recommended reading:

Fat?So! Because You Don't Have to Apologize For Your Size by Marilyn Wann

Bountiful Women: Large Women's Secrets For Living the Life They Desire by Bonnie Bernell

Self-Esteem Comes In All Sizes: How to be Happy and Healthy at Your Natural Weight, Revised Edition by Gary Foster and Carol A. Johnson

Nothing to Lose: A Guide to Sane Living in a Larger Body by Cheri K. Erdman

Big Big Love, Revised: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them) by Hanne Blank