I want to shut my brain off

I wish I could just do that, I have resorted to sleeping these days but I get really bad dreams. The bad dreams are not really the problem, and I feel like I had a sound sleep, but I feel miserable when I wake up, I feel like something will go wrong, or something really, really bad happened while I was asleep.

It takes me a while to calm down, but before I can calm down completely, I'm on the run.

****, that's all I can say, I'm not doing well.

Sorry to hear you aren't in a good place right now. Perhaps some meditation in the morning or just before bed might clear your head a bit. Or keeping a dream journal to figure out if the dreams are causing your anxious mood when you wake up? I like to keep a "positive journal" where I recorded a few things that are going RIGHT in my life. It helps keep the negative thinking at bay. I hope you feel better soon.

I have tried that, but it seems just sitting still makes me more nervous, one needs to be still to meditate, and I feel like I should be moving around for whatever reason. meditation is really hard for me.

Hi brokenentity, I really don't know what advice to give on this, but I realized I have a similar problem. It's like an anxiety that's constantly there, but what it's about, I don't know. I often have bad dreams too, but for me I think it's just because I'm pretty sensitive. Is your mind racing when you try to stay still for a while?

If I stay still for too long, or try meditating, I feel like I'm a 'sitting duck', interesting question, When I'm still, I think a lot more... but when I'm walking around, I feel like I'm 'outrunning' my thoughts....

I brokenentity: I have had kind-of an on-again / off-again meditation practice for many years. Recently I tried cranking it up again. But what I found was that shortly after I would begin my session, I'd start falling asleep. As soon as I fell asleep, I'd begin to tip over & this would awaken me with a little jolt. The process would continue over-&-over until my session had concluded... not a very effective methodology, I must say!

So, what I've done is to substitute a mindfulness yoga practice for sitting meditation. The two practices accomplish pretty-much the same thing. But I don't fall asleep doing yoga. Perhaps something like this could work for the morning nervousness you experience too. You'd be physically active instead of just sitting still.

Also, there is such a thing as walking meditation. If walking seems to work for you, perhaps you could develop a walking meditation practice... just a couple of suggestions...

Meditation seems like magic to me, I've often been suggested meditation, but it just never works out for me, I don't know how 'meditative state' feels. My mind is so cluttered, I can't focus enough to medidate.

Your anxiety makes it hard for you to do meditation. Also depression can enhance anxiety. If you are already not doing so, see a therapist. Right now meditation is a poor option.

Sorry to hear, anxiety, fear, and paranoia is hell. Benzo's or Buspar or even Neurontin help...good luck!

I will see if I can get to a doc, thank you.

cannabis is known to reduce dreaming

Reminds me of my past

Yes, that is because "functioning" requires thinking forward and that helps to shut down the emotional part of the brain that can get so overwhelming that
a person feels depressed so much.

You would do much better with being in motion and being productive at the same time. If you had an ongoing project that you were doing that was a physical project, you would wake up feeling more motivated. Something that has nothing to do with having to identify the part of you that you struggle to identify and are confused about.

A lot of the creative people that have produced things we have come to admire and appreciate have been people that always had projects going on all their lives, be it works of art, buildings, creative writings, musical compositions, whatever, these individuals are usually in constant motion on to the next creation. Many of these individuals did not participate in one long term relationship either in what would be considered "traditional".

It just sounds like you are trying to belong to a picture when instead you just need to create you "own" picture in whatever way helps you tick.

I think I have a creative side, I think I can channel my depression in other ways, but it's just not happening to me. It's frustrating.

I don't know how being 'not depressed' feels anymore.

I know what works for me though, my threads here

The fact that people here, even with their own problems spend a few minutes to makes me feel better..... makes me feel better

People here take the time because they can relate to the challenge. It is nice to hear you are getting support.

It sounds like you need to explore your creative side. Perhaps take a class that can be a place to socialize a bit yet also learn something creative. Often it takes just getting out and learning something creative that begins the much needed spark to get one going.